Re-assurance and advice needed re granddaughters behaviour

Well so far everyone including the OP has wondered about reasons to do with everything except the people and place the little girl is saying she doesn't want to go with or to. We've talked about her sibling, her after school club, her blood sugar, tiredness etc etc.

Is it worth asking her straight out "why don't you want me to pick you up and take you to my house?" just in case it is actually something to do with the experiences with you and in your home that is worrying her in some way? Not saying anyone's doing anything wrong, but it could be something the little girl is imagining might happen in your house and if you got straight to the point you might be able to set her mind at rest.

This definitely sounds like exhaustion to me. In some ways it is a compliment, in that she can express her feeling to you. She is too little to articulate them and is expressing them in the only way she knows how.

I would not mention it to the parents, firstly because it is like telling tales. Secondly because is might sound like a criticism.

Lots of us Grans are appalled at the amount of time small children seem to spend away from parents. Most of us have the wisdom not to mention it.

Lots of sound advice already, but please do mention this behaviour to the child's parents, not as a complaint, of course, but as something that is puzzling and worrying you a little.

To me it sounds like tiredness and sibling jealousy. I know I would have simply hated anything as inane as after school club, I just wanted home to play with my dolls at her age.

I do feel for the little ones, our youngest is sometimes at school from 8am until 5.30 or so. During the school holidays they have to go to holiday club, which is in the school, youngest doesn't seem to mind but eldest started refusing point blank.

Most children in reception are absolutely exhausted by the end of the autumn term (and the teachers too according to what I was told!).
It must be awful to watch all the other little ones go home with their mummies at 3.30 and know you have to go to after-school club and sometimes be the only one there.
I know that breakfast clubs and after-school clubs are a good idea and useful for working parents - my DGC go occasionally, but every day for a reception aged child is rather a lot.

DGS never slept at nursery - couldn't understand why they all had to lie down on little beds and could never fall asleep. However, I presume he rested and looked at a book.

Ih so agree radicalnan The needs of the children seem to come last . I realise people have to work so we do need to overhaul what we offer children . The nursery my GS goes to have a £5 fine per minute of lateness ,yes really ! I suppose it does stop people being late

Poor exhausted little kids we have now. My grand daughter is just the same, although no after school club is involved for her and mum is at the school gates every day.

I think we start children at school too early, 7 would be my prefered choice and less class room time and more outdoors.

Children are being in 'factory' situations (for them) all day and what they really want is freedom and famiy.

Financially people say they cannot afford that, so maybe it is time for us to overhaul what we have to offer chidren.

I remember tiny camp beds for afternoon sleep time at nursery when my mother went back to work.

We are running things for the conveneince of schools and employers and seem to have forgotten the needs of children.

Your grand daughter is spending far too long in 'care'; no wonder she is exhausted. She may well cope with school, providing Reception is restructured for four year-olds, but being sent to an after school club four nights a week is far too much. Her parents need to review their working hours; it won't be for that long. I appreciate how difficult money is now but they are dealing with two very young children and must be paying out a considerable amount in child care; it would be cheaper for one of them to reduce their hours, and much better for both the children.

Kaycee I hope all these posts have helped you realise it’s nothing personal your little girl is tired and grumpy missing her mum and probably a bit jealous thinking the little one has seen more of mum than her I do hope your daughter can perhaps reduce her hours for a year or two although I know it’s not always possible Babes of 4 and 5 need their mums or at least a nice homely surrounding while they wait, not more school on top of school

My GS recently started school along with breakfast club & after school club etc. So it's a very long week which I guess had been the norm as he started nursery at 8 months. However, like you, there was a distinct shift in his mood when I collected him. My way of coping was to say "I've got a little snack for you in the car" blah blah. Cheese & biscuits, a couple if sweet biscuits, anything really. It has worked though and he relaxes and sits and munches till we get wherever we're going that evening.

I think they're so tired that they get moody, just like us. They have to concentrate all day long. It's entirely different from nursery when it was less structured and they could take themselves off to the book corner for a nap.

Good luck ..... She'll settle down xx

I had to stop reading your answer Crafting as I need to say something . Every child is physically different . My grandson was in nursery from six months as I was still working, and would not give up my job to look after him . He absolutely loved and thrived there and at subsequent breakfast clubs and care clubs.By the time GD had arrived after 5 years gap I had retired and was immediately bored to death!! So took on my GD care when needed. I do three days of taking to and bringing from school...welcoming my GS home from his school cooking their teas and getting the boy's homework and girls reading done before parents arrive. I love it. Point is darling GD hates breakfast club and care club and the simple reason is that her 'days ' are too long. Not too many 5 year olds can cope with starting school at 7.15 and leaving school at 5.30 it's incredibly long time away from people who love them. Maybe your little 4 year old is just a bit exhausted ... I know our GD is very tired all time . And she's in bed by 7 every night if not before. We as a generation seem to have created this incredible regime for kids and don't really know how to get ourselves out of it. I hope your GD 'settles' to the regime a.s.a.p for her sake if not yours. She loves her gran.... She's just hitting out against her surroundings! Good luck.'

Every week I spend an afternoon in a local primary school for some of the children to read to me. I am told they get little practise at home.

It makes me want to weep when they tell me they have no one who will listen to them because of the baby.

While it would not surprise me to learn that secretly the parents can't read, and they prefer to say they haven't got time, I do worry about the psychological effect this might be having on "my" Year 3 children.

If it's any consolation my granddaughter has had a very similar experience. She started school last year and her baby brother was born in May. She goes to various after school clubs, usually to either 3pm or 4pm, and sometimes goes to breakfast club which starts at 7am. She is very tired and grumpy sometimes. We collect her one day a week and when she's at our house she is demanding treats all the time. She says she's bored. We have a room full of toys but she wants the toys at her own house. I feel it's all too much for a little girl to spend so long at school. When her mum returns to full time work she will have to stay at school until 6pm some days. Thinking back to my own childhood. Mum met me from school at 2pm every day and I played all afternoon in the house or out in the street. It's sad that those days are gone.

Congrats Yoga Girl.

A new dawn Yogagirl!

I'm just going to put my oar in as an ex early years teacher and say my four year olds used to be on the floor, literally, by the end of the day.
My colleague called it "thumb-sucking time" when we would read a story and they would sit and nod. Several of them would lean against my legs or curl up on a cushion.It was a lovely peaceful way to end the day.
They have to keep going now till the end. It's so much more frantic. And after school clubs are judged on their "activity" provision too.

And I can still see little, blond, angelic Stuart, at the end of his tether, standing and screaming at me "I'm going to cut your head off and BOIL it!"

You are funny Jalima

Nothing wrong with giving a little one a comfort bottle of milk or dummy, as they get older it can be kept for just bed time, but if they need it after school when they have just begun, why not!

I feel a little liberated making all these posts about 'normal' things with our DGC, I feel it's a bit of a milestone for me! as this is the first time I've commented and been part of a 'normal' thread about GC, as apposed to the ones I lost

17.36 post from Luckygirl I agree with your post, my 2.5y GD has a little round cup with big handles on, but it has a teat like a bottle, she has this just a couple of times a day and it's a good step up from the baby bottle, she loves it.

I think your GD's mum needs to go at least part-time at work, so she can care for her hurting dear little daughter, spend some time with her and give her the love she is crying out for!

Your little GD see's all her friends going home with their mum or other close relative and she has to continue in school club which she hates. Would you be able to pick her up every other day and the other GP take their turn too, so this poor little girl can go home?

Being so young, they don't always know that they are hungry or tired, resulting in bad behaviour, so you as the adult have to work it out and then sort it for her.
Good luck

Jalima had a good point about being hungry. My little GD throws a bit of a wobbly when she's hungry, we quickly get her some food or a milkshake and she is then fine. So maybe take something with you, so as when you pick her up she gets something to eat straight away, something she really enjoys.

Kaycee sounds to me this little girl needs her mum & dad to pay attention to her. She is in school all day, then after school till maybe six, then home for tea & bed, seeing almost nothing of her parents, so no wonder she is angry, she has a right to be, such a little girl on her own all day and by what you say this is from about 1yr old or earlier.

I haven't read any of the reply posts, so will now, but you really need to speak to your Son about this, this little girl is crying out in pain and she is giving you the message of this pain.

we had dummies for our son,only because they were recommended by SCBU to help keep his airways open and strengthen his sucking reflex .He used to hide them all over the house when we tried to get rid of them .Finally gave them up abou.His daughter was exactlty the same 4

I would pass no judgement on a 4 year old wanting a bottle but I think I'm a bit old for one - at least I hope I don't need one at any time soon.

Why are you asking me Nelliemoser?
I didn't say it was

I said I would have my cocoa out of a sippy cup