Re-assurance and advice needed re granddaughters behaviour

School and then after school is a long old day at 4.5 mine were all ready for school at 4 + but then add another two or three hours on four times a week and it’s a long old time and I would imagine she’s just over tired and grumpy and the don’t want you want my other gran etc is just a childish way of punishing you she doesn’t understand why she’s feeling tired and grumbly and will just give out to whoever is nearby and they will always lash out at the ones they know won’t lash back and that’s you
I agree with others talk it over with the family she’s probably just too young for this length of day some kids of four are still have rest periods

Although you need to listen to her, I do think that it can be counter-productive to ask too much. Little ones often don't understand their feelings.
I suspect she is struggling at school - I think it important to find out how she is at school. But if she is behaving well and doing well, it may be very tiring for her.
I personally think that young children (and she is still very young) need to go straight home and mess about after school. Anywhere where they need to behave & follow instruction can be too exhausting after a school day.
I also think that children often react like this to the people they feel safest with.

I also think the family need to find out how she is at after-school club. Does she dislike it because she is tired and wants to go home? Are any of the children there making life difficult? Or something else?

I think the whole family need a good chat.She is lucky to have you.

They do get extremely tired when first starting school and four is quite young for a full day at school followed by after-school club. She could just be very tired and want her mum; she probably wouldn't have a temper tantrum at after-school club but feels secure enough with you to let rip.

Do you take her to your house or back to her own home?
She may also be wondering what is happening with her mummy and her sibling - could there be an element of jealousy which she doesn't recognise or can't articulate?

On the other hand she could be hungry; low blood sugar could cause some children and adults to get quite angry. Does she have a snack or does she have to wait for dinner?

Just practical questions but they could be worth thinking about.

I don't think that tantrums are confined to the 'terrible twos' either.

Why does she dislike the after school club? If this is new behaviour you should talk to mum and dad who can discuss this with the school and find out what's wrong. She is very young still, perhaps something has upset her that you aren't aware of. Does she behave the same way at school?

Well, she is old enough to understand when you tell her that if you don’t pick her up one day a week she’ll have to stay to after school club then as well! It may possibly stop her taking it out on you. Did you collect her from nursery last year?

If the after-school club is the problem she may think that if she kicks up a fuss a parent may collect her from school instead so she doesn’t have to go. I think you need to talk to her mum and dad.