Advice regarding mil and ds

8 months is an age when some seem to get strong preference for main caregiver - often mother over father. My first GC lives in another country and though I managed to see her 6 times in first year she didn’t really know me and would scream every time I took her. Once out of sight of parents I could distract her and the screaming stopped.
The parents told me that the same thing happened even when her dad took her from mother.
Even after I’d stayed 3 weeks (invited!) to help when 2nd GC born, GD would still only come to me as a last resort. It was rather upsetting, but fortunately as she’s got older she knows me better and we get on very well- even though we only meet every few months she remembers me and has no problem letting me pick her up, gives me lots of hugs etc. Her younger brother has always been friendly with everyone, not nearly as clingy to parents.
What I’d suggest is for your mil to continue to feed him in high chair etc, but also take him out for walk in park etc. without you. Once you’re out of sight for a little while, he may let her pick him up, sit on her knee and play with him. It is hurtful for her, even if it is temporary, but the more time she is able to spend with her gs, the shorter this phase will probably be.

Babies get clingy at about eight months old. That's probably all it is, a developmental phase that will pass. Since your MiL is a mother I'm surprised she hasn't remembered this phase, though I suppose it's different when it's your own kids. Anyway, you can tell her that ⬆️ ?

Thank you for such quick replies. We actually live very close to a really pretty park with a lovely little cafe that I often take ds too. I’ll suggest to my mil that she takes him next time she visits, ds is very curious & loves coming out of his pram so that he can have a nosey around the cafe, he’ll probably love bring there with her.

Baggs my mil did a fantastic job at raising my dh, under exceptionally challenging circumstances. She didn’t have the incredible family support that I’ve been lucky enough to have. It was very much just her & ds. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Babies do become clingy as Baggs says - they are also clever and begin to know what will elicit the response or person they want at this age.
He knows you are around in the house and he probably realises that if he cries you will come back from wherever you are to see what is the matter.

I think it's best if babies sleep in their cots rather than on someone's lap but others may disagree.

You sound like you have a wonderful and caring relationship with your MiL - a rare and lovely thing. As you have said, its a phase and you cannot chivvy babies out of this phase- they'll do it in their own good time.

What I have found is babies( like all of us are curious) if your MiL has something interesting - maybe a new book or a toy that makes a noise and she plays with it - the little one might be intrigued enough to come and investigate with nanny. Just be sure she hand s him back before he gets upset so he doesn't link being upset with her.

I'm sure he will come out of it quickly, they all do.

Long may you all enjoy your time together .

Your mil sounds lovely, please tell her that at this age babies seem to be more aware of who mummy or their primary caregiver is and it’s just a stage they grow through. Your mil is so fortunate to be blessed with such a loving dil. Can only be good for your little one.!

Some babies do go through this phase. One of my GDs definitely did, whilst the others didn’t. Like your MIL, I was devastated and did shed a tear.
However, it was short lived and stopped as quickly as it started. With no lasting effects and we are very close now.

Thank you all for being so kind, supportive & encouraging. My mil truly is a wonderful woman, myself and my ds are very lucky to have her in our lives. I’m hoping to use your advice to at least over her a little bit of comfort while ds goes through this phase. I can’t imagine not having her support over these last 8 months (and during my pregnancy if I’m honest!) I just hope I can repay at least some of her kindness.

What a lovely DIL you so caring and thoughtful I wish you belonged to me.
Your little man will be very clingy at this age they all are really they notice who is the primary care giver so your idea re the park trips are ideal.Tell MIL not to dispair things will be back to normal sooner than she thinks,let her see the replies on here if she is not convinced she may like to join in with us other nanna's.

I agree just a normal phase
Let it go a far as your DGC is concerned,
just let grandmother feed her in the high -chair and talk to her whilst she plays on the floor.
If you try to force the issue your little one will just become distressed.

In a couple of days put your daughter on your Mil lap or let Mil lift her out of the high chair.
Keep chatting if it's no big deal and see what happens.
DC maybe fine with it if not leave again for a little while.

I often found rather than sitting down taking an little one to the window and pointing to things outside was a good distraction or singing and dancing round the room.

Does your DC associate nap time with your Mil?
As an 8 months baby can usually sit up unaided, wants to do just that

My DGD has been the same for the last few months, this week she has decided I am her favourite person and screams to get to me. She is 3 months older than your little one. Try to get MIL to relax about it, my son and DIL were embarrassed about it but I didn't push it and she has decided she wants to be with me. I can't pretend it was easy and I am delighted at the sudden change this week but they are little people with their own feelings.

I agree, they do change & change again, try not to take it personally, just go with the flow,you will soon be getting cuddles again, ohh just as an after thought do you wear strong perfume or have changed perfume.? Babies are quite susceptible to smells

What a kind caring DIL you are. My first DGC couldn't stand being anywhere near me. I loved her so much but she only liked being held by her mummy. It took some time before she willingly came to me. Did it affect our long term relationship, no not a bit. We are now very close and still hug and cuddle each other even though she is now a grown up young lady. Please tell your MIL it is just a phase. It hurts but it will pass. Just find things for the little one to play with which she can play with too. She is lucky to have you as a DIL

Isn't this the age where babies develop a fear of "strangers?" You say mil isn't a stranger because she visits once a week and that's lovely. But to a baby, a week is a long time. Right now, ds may see anyone as a "stranger" who isn't part of his daily life. But it's a phase, as you say, and will likely soon pass. Till then, mil will have to find ways of engaging him without holding him. Please reassure her that this doesn't mean he "hates her." He's just being a normal 8 month old.

Also, you say you always broke the "all naps in the cot" rule for mil. But if baby is used to sleeping in his cot most of the time, he might not feel comfortable sleeping anywhere else at this point. She might be "happy with him sleeping on her," but he might not be anymore. Maybe if he sleeps in his cot from now on, even when mil is there, he'll be more amenable to her at other times. But also, you might simply not be able to leave him alone with her till he gets past this. Sorry.

You are so kind to care so much about this. I have found this to be true when his mom is there. However, if we babysit he warms up quickly to us. Hopefully this phase won’t last long.

Babies do experience fear of separation from the person they understand as their main carer. Very young babies do not do so, but by the second half of the first year this separation fear can increase. It is quite normal. My third child screamed so much when I tried to leave her with my parents at nine months, and refused to feed that they then refused to look after her at all for some time. I did manage to leave her with a friend, whilst I took one of my older ones and my friends daughter swimming. We noticed that my nine-month old would scream dreadfully for at least five minutes after I had left, then settled down absolutely happily. If she heard/saw me when i returned the screaming would start again, as she tried to convince me that she had been doing it all of the time.
Separation fear is normal and a sign of intelligence. Do not let MiL get upset by it, just be there with you and continue to love, pet and play with your baby - it will pass in time.

Agree with those who say it is what happens at this age. Tell you MiL to join us and we will all give her the encouragement she needs.