Do you “Mind ?”

I do school pick up with supper for DGS. It started as a first term in Reception only arrangement and he’s 8 now. In holiday times he goes several days a week to a holiday club where he does lots of physical activities and some craft. We try to have him a couple of days a week to make it cheaper for DD and her husband and enjoy the days out, swimming trips etc we have. There is no pressure from them to do this, but they appreciate it. I feel we have a much closer relationship with DGS because of it. My own parents helped out similarly and apart from anything else, it feels right to pay this back to the next generation.
For the first time this year, we have had holidays in termtime which has been wonderful. DD and SiL have managed to cover pick up between them. My advice to Basslady is wait and see how you feel when the baby is born.

Just babysit when it suits you, and for emergency. Perhaps let them go shopping, catch up with housework, or just relax. Btw I'm a breast cancer survivor x

I used to look after my older grandchildren on quite a regular basis. Then one of my daughters had a new relationship after a divorce and we got a new grandson, which was fine, as youngest daughter was also pregnant with her second child. By now, I was working full time so was not as available. Then I had to give up work due to ill health and after a ten year gap, eldest daughter had another child. But, because of my ill health I could not offer her the same help as I did with her other children. Although she was fine with this, I always felt guilty, especially if she was struggling with childcare. But, you know what, she always found a solution, so all my worrying is usually for nothing. So, be there for your daughter, but continue to enjoy your new found freedom. I am sure, as she has had to deal with her mum having cancer, she will just be glad you are still around to enjoy this new chapter in both your lives. You may even find, once the new baby arrives that you want to spend more time with him/her.

We have four DGC in three families - and four DGDogs, three of which come to stay when their families go on holiday. One family lives three hours drive away. One other set of GPs doesn’t want to do more than a day cover at a time, one is too ill and the other one is fortunately very supportive. The DC only have limited holiday which has to be shared with the other parents they work with. Sorting out the summer holiday cover has been a nightmare!

Do whatever you feel is right for you. My husband died last February and I started looking after my GD in May for two days a week. I have to say it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, absolutely love it.

Ditto to littleflo re emergency back up.
Although we were no,longer doing regular childcare, on 3 occasions baby Gds was admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis (touch wood he's been fine for quite a while) and since of course dd wanted to stay with him in hospital, we were able to be there within a couple of hours to step in and look after little Gdd.
And that's without the other one-offs.

Perhaps I can offer my view as I still have a child at primary school. My own mum adores her granddaughter but said upfront that she wouldn’t be able to do regular childcare as she had her own life/hobbies etc and I didn’t mind at all. Although I sometimes look wistfully at the other grandparents helping with school pickups, I would hate to think that my mum was missing out on things she enjoyed.
If you’re going to offer regular help then you need to be happy to be totally committed to the arrangement. Finding ad hoc childcare is very stressful and that’s where my mum has been a godsend. Everyone’s a winer!

I've had both my grandchildren for 2 or 3 days a week from 8 months old (now 7 and 2). Don't think if it as giving up freedom, more a new lease of life. It's a privilege (and a joy) to help raise them and has created a very special strong bond. I wouldn't have missed for a few extra trips away every year!

Sometimes the best thing GPs can do regarding childcare is the emergency back up. My GCs went to either nursery, or childminders but there were always a few times a year when it was not possible. Illness or bad weather and sometimes a parent having to go away for work. Knowing that I and the other Gran could be there for these occasions was really valuable. Enjoy your GC and never underestimate how physically hard work it is caring for them. Even just one day. I am certain your DD wants you to a have a loving relationship, but she must also want you to maintain your health.

When my grandson was born I was and still am 6 years later so thrilled and I loved him as I laid eyes on him I would do anything to spend time with him you might find you are the same. Best thing might be to offer the help you would enjoy and his other grandma will offer too and it will sort itself out. My grandson has given me such joy.

basslady Congratulations on everything! New grandchild to be, overcoming cancer, retirement and great ideas for a fulfilling life! I'm writing without reading other replies so I am not influenced and giving entirely my own instant reaction!

Now is your time. Please, seize the day/year/life ahead and do what you always planned. Young parents today have a lot more child-care support around than we had. Your daughter will already have friends who are giving her advice about the best nurseries, ways to cope, how long to take maternity leave etc. You are lovely Granny who does such beautiful things! They will adore you for it! I know! When I was able to travel and had my regular trips to Paris, I gleaned a note of pride in my daughter's voice about her mum's love of Art, music, and travel!

I don't want to cast a bleak note and I don't say this with any sadness either, but we don't know what is round the corner! Actually, bless you, you've had your bad luck with cancer already so you do know this, sorry! I was thinking about how I am so glad I did use my early retirement to do things I loved, because I was suddenly in a car crash (not my fault) and it brought an end to all that. So please, basslady and everyone, do carpe this very important diem and DO IT NOW! (ooo - I might get told off for shouting... sorry!)

Then it's your choice......if your daughter has no expectations of your time, why are you feeling hesitant about how your choose to spend your days now you have taken
retirement.

If you have had a brush with breast cancer then you - more than anyone - should value the joy of living a full and meaningful retirement. So why waste your time with concerns about next month or next year when your focus should be on today - and maybe a mere passing thought about tomorrow........who knows what the future holds in six months or so!

I don't think you are being at all U to not want to commit yourself - there may well be plenty of opportunities for one offs anyway.
Dh and I - sometimes just me - did one day a week with Gdd from 9 months - she had 3 days at nursery. We offered, weren't asked, but didn't offer to do more for the reasons you state - going away, and difficulties of finding alternatives if e.g. we were ill. It was a lovely - if tiring! - time with her though.

However Gds arrived only 15 months after his sister, and when dd went back to work we didn't feel able to undertake the same for 2 very little ones - again, apart from the 'knackering' factor - Dh and I both well past retirement age - it would be that much harder to find alternative care if for any reason we were unable (like when I had shingles last year.) We offered to help with childcare costs instead - it's an awful lot of money for two.

However we have done quite a lot of emergencies and one offs, and will again next week when dd has to go abroad for work for a couple of nights, including her usual one day off.

Have just been playing in her garden with 2yr old DGD. Have spent one or two days a week with her since she was tiny, and she stays with a gran once a week. I am so lucky even though she lives well over an hour away. But I know she'll go to school so this won't last forever ?, but I hope it means the bond it forms will.

My mum would help out with babysitting for the odd night out, but I wouldn't have dared ask her to look after children while I worked. We have done our bit with our own children. I worked full time. Retired for a while, so got babysitting duties for at least one/two days a week (if and when I could), but I've put a fly in the ointment as I've now got a part time job.
I do what I want now. No way would I give up my freedom or the things I enjoy...but I am willing to help out...and do...when I can and when it suits me. I love having the grandchildren, but not on a strict regular basis...
I say..enjoy your grandchildren/grandchild, but you are the grandmother, not the mother!
It's surprising how tired you get. I know I'm exhausted when they go home!! To do childcare duties everyday would be too knackering xx

I look after DGS (22 months) three days every week, Mon/Wed/Fri from 7-30am to 5-30pm and have done since he was 8 months old.
It's exhausting, even on the days when DH is here to help, but we both enjoy every second of being with him.
All the things we couldn't do with DS because we were both working full time are being done with DGS, we have such fun!
We know just how lucky we are, living so close by and having an amazing relationship with DGS, he's the greatest joy in our lives!
Neither of us would change a second of our child minding duties, it's the best 'job' we've ever had

As Jane10 said, they are not babies for long.
Sure you’ll make the best decisions for you and keep your activities going! Doors open, I discovered performance poetry in my 70s!

For several years have looked after gs for one day a week in school holidays, other gp do one day as well because dil works 2 weekdays per week.
These times together have been the best. Treks in the woods with flask of hot chocolate, walk down pier and train back (Southend-on-sea) , building bedouin tents over washing line in garden and eating lunch on cushions inside before having a water pistol fight. Such happy memories. Have taken days off from my own work to do it and don't begrudge a minute of time or a penny lost.
Your own grandchild is still in the womb and i think you underestimate the joy you will receive and give. Having said that i would not have enjoyed the baby times as much as they don't start interacting until older. But was always willing to do the odd babysitting so they could have a night out.

I love looking after my granddaughter 2 days a week after nursery. Her big brother comes home too and I do supper for both and bath for her. I think grandaughter might go to a childminder after school when she begins that in September and I will miss seeing them, but the drive there and back to them too is tiring.

When my first grandchild was born i offered to do 2 days a week. To be honest, I found it completely exhausting. She was arriving before 8 am and going home after 6 pm. Six years later her little brother came along. I was asked if I'd do one day a week. Hubby said I should say it was too much for me, so reluctantly I did. The baby now goes to Nursery for two days a week and loves it. In answer to your question you should say you'll always be there for emergencies but can't commit to a regular day or days as you go away a lot.

My daughter's ex in laws made it quite clear they would only babysit on an occasional basis - my DD and ex son in law worked shifts in the Civil Service so could stagger their rosters so that most times one was at home whilst the other worked. I was working full time but swopped to doing a condensed week (5 days over 4) so that I had Mondays off and could have my GS from Sunday through to Tuesday morning if needed, often dropping him off home on the way to work. When my other two GC duly arrived things got a little more complicated but between us we managed. They all went into Nursery once they were 3 and that made a difference too. The ex inlaws only lived across the road from the school so agreed to pick them up from school two days a week and I reduced my hours at work so I could do the other two (still working a condensed week) and pick them up on my day off as usual. I really appreciated the help I had when my kiddies were little and I went back to work full time so have tried to pass that along to my daughter (and hope she will do the same if needed when the GC are grown up and have families of their own) It is such a short time really - I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

There is much sensible advice here- and yes, you won't know what's hit you once you hold your first grandchild -all preconceptions will fly out of the window!

My husband did not want us to commit to regular babysitting days and reluctantly, I agreed with him, instead picking up all the emergency days (through the child's illness, days when nurseries were unexpectedly closed or when the mummy had illness etc). Whatever it was, we would drop our plans to be there and could be relied upon. Our children told us that knowing they had back-up was invaluable and took much pressure off them.

Later, at school-age, we 'pick-up' whenever needed (averaging once or twice a week for our two families of grandchildren) which entails school collections, playing, supper, bath and bedtime etc.

Holiday periods can be tricky, as the family with the child can only go away during this period of time and we feel a little bereft! Of course, we do not want to travel in peak-time, so there have been occasions when although planning a trip, we have not gone ahead with our plans as requests for baby-minding have come in and, of course... we promised....!

You will find that being with your grandchild whether once a week or more, is the most special time and when they come to you for hugs or comfort, it makes everything worthwhile. Now, our grandchildren are older but still want to share secrets or situations with us and we feel very privileged.

We are fortunate enough to be included in our families' activities and are invited to attend events, concerts, matches etc and feel we may not have this bond we have if we had not put ourselves out (a bit!) when the need arose.

Yes, I did feel a bit of guilt when friends of ours have a regular day for babysitting (on the other hand other friends have commented that we are being 'used', doing as much as we do!) but my children have assured me that our plans have worked well for them.

Do whatever feels comfortable for you and your daughter.

Don't be a fool giving up your freedom. Offer to baby sit and help out in emergencies. If you commit out of conscience you will regret it.

You may not want to make a regular commitment to your dgc now but you may change your mind once it is born and you bond. My dgs lives tto far away for me to care gor him on a regular basis so he goes to nursery but I contribute a little towards the fees as it is £1200 per month and my dd and sil do not have a lot of money left after mortgage and nursery. If dgs is a little unwell with a cold/cough and cannot go to nursery I go down and stay for a few days to care for dgs and enjoy bonding time.

I agree with other posters not to commit but to offer the odd stint when appropriate and convenient for you. We have one brood of GC for tea once a week and the other lot for lunch on a Saturday - though not as regularly. It's lovely to be part of their lives and watch them grow but it's also lovely to have time to enjoy one's own pursuits. It's a matter of balance and what you're prepared to offer. As you've not been asked it will be YOU offering rather than feeling the obligation