Am I doing enough?

Gosh you do have your plate full at the moment don't you? No wonder you're tired!!
I do sympathise.....seems as if everyone is leaning on you without realising how hard you are working to keep the status quo for them.
Any chance the son who lives with you can take over the morning school run.....if only for a while to give you a break?

Have you thought about how you will explain you need paid employment to your sons? As no doubt that will impact on them with regards to the current arrangements, and they will have to find someone to do some of the jobs you now do in that case.

My husband always advocates writing a list of priorities and as you write them think hard about which one should be at the top!!
Your health and well being I should suggest. Because practically you will be no use to anyone if you don't look after yourself, and if your sons can be 'encouraged' to see the truth of this they might be able to take more off your shoulders than they have of late.

As for the ex who is complaining,( from the description you've given of her) she seems too wound up in her own life to respond to clarification of the situation.
If it were me I would just continue to do what you can for her son (the 14mth old) as it would be a shame to let him suffer because of her silly comments.

I really hope some others on GN can give you support as I'm not too good at advice!!

Best of luck

Thank you namsnanny, that means a lot. My sons both work they are self employeed builders.
I know I shouldn’t let the gs mum get to me. My sons do what they can, they do appreciate me.
Since that comment from her, my son realises I do what I can and is equally cross. . He doesn’t like to rock the boat with her as she quick tempered, and all hell breaks lose.
I don’t think the mothers mum does a lot for her, as she let her daughters kids go into care. ( before we ever knew the girl) my son made a bad choice being with her for a couple years. And knows it now?
As said she doesn’t work, but expect everything done for her
The gs would never be in care. My sons are great parents to their kids.
As for job I live in a seasonal area, I have interviews, I feel it’s ageism these days against me.
I had a seasonal job last year, dropping my gd off at her mums. This September it changes again as she starts infant school. We do have shared contact & a good relationship .
Xx

I think you are taking on a lot why don’t you write out a list of times you can offer. leaving off some time for yourself and then give it to the girlfriend
Don’t write off your age I got the best job I ever had at age 53 and stayed until I was 68
Good luck do remember yourself in all this turmoil

Thank you bluebell xx

Luckynan02,

Your sons sound like really nice hard working young men. I know how hard it is to be self employed, juggling so many balls!

Lets hope the new arrangements for gd will lead to you having more time for yourself, and that you find a suitable job soon.

Thank you for speaking to me , I hope to sort something soon xx

Thank you all.... this week hasn’t got any better really my youngest son in hospital. He cut his hand and it’s infected. He’s had 2 ops . Still in there and having a 3rd Friday. His daughter has been with her mum, she is missing pre school but that’s ok. Plus they have all been staying here when visiting her dad( they all get on well )
My eldest son the 1 with my gs has been at work . I have been going up & down to hosp all week near an hour trip both ways , sometimes twice a day .

The ex of gs asked me to have gs today Thursday. At the beginning of the week when she asked I said no , as I was busy .... which I was.
Wednesday she asked again , so having juggled about I said yes .
I took my gd to school , she did half a day , I brought her mum up so she could get gd and spend afternoon her with gs & gd and me So a good plan...,
No , not good enough, at 4 we had to pick G.D. mother’s son up from another school.
As I was near the gs house I asked if I should drop him home . She said “ yes of course” ( save travel again) my eldest wanted to see his brother after work in hosp...
She kicks up merry hell! Yes it has been a hectic week ! Does she understand ? No she starts abusing my son, writing him endless text. He didn’t even know I had taken him back early, but I knew he was seeing his brother.
In the morning I got to take the gd mums son to school, go job center, go to hosp to see my boy.. before his op. ( yes he is 26,)
on top of this week I crashed the door of my brothers Range Rover , and not got around to telling him yet ....
If any one is still reading this - thank you .
I am just a moaner....
Xxxx

Later eve the ex gs texts, my sister friend wants to buy the jumperoo ( that I brought for gs , that we keep here) can she buy it for £20 ? I wrote sorry I would like £35 for it . As it was new, in perfect condition etc .
I thought fair enough, she would understand ? Nope,
She turns nasty!!
Her words “ Got it sold for twenty five up to u if not sell it urself not like Kai gonna get anything out of it never does“
I said the money can go to other toys .
She says “Not for Kai only things he got since born was on birthday thanks”
I wrote. ... really xx
She writes “Yes really plz tell me what u think u have brought my son since lol x”
I didn’t reply .
Final text says “ Yer exactly cat got ur tongue no u know I’m right“

I didn’t reply, because I didn’t want to argue, I don’t know how to take her. Yet when she dropped my gs off she came in for a cuppa, and was nice on the return of him.
I don’t know how to cope with her, my sons texts are worst.

Your mum must have been about (possibly over) fifty when she had you.

More like 40 I’d say. Mum died last year aged 94. She would be 95 now. OP is 55.

95-55=40

Goodness what a full on life you have going on! I understand the need to want to be there for everyone but you can't do it all and absolutely deserve a life for yourself to!
I would not engage in argumentative texts with sons ex, Don't play her games. If you bought the thing then you decide how much it's sells for,it's non of her business!

You shouldn't have to give up your life to be full time childcare for your grandchildren no matter how much you love them, of course we step up and do what we can when the chips are down but you are entitled to say no.

I hope all goes well with sons hand, my hubby is a self employed builder and has severed a tendon in his before needing an op, occupational hazard ?

Yes, you're right, OM. Apologies, LN2. Can we put it down to a pre-coffee moment?

Take some time for yourself Luckynan you will make yourself ill if you continue like this. There is nothing wrong with saying no sometimes and as others have said you need to prioritise. Things you would normally not bother about will seem problematic because you are so stressed. Let the parents take more responsibility for their children's care.

Baggs I don't understand your problem with the age of the poster's mother. My mother was 50 when I was born.

I didn't have a problem with it, sodapop. A neutral comment (which it was, in spite of what you might think) does not indicate a problem. I'm an 'older mum' myself.

Lucky, I feel exhausted just reading your post!

You are already doing more than enough. Why is the non working mother farming out her child all the time? Mind you, having seen the text messages, she sounds a bit bonkers and not a good influence on GS!

If both of your sons are self employed, they can be more flexible presumably, and stop relying on you so much.

It sounds to me as though you are being taken advantage of. There is an old saying that if you behave like a doormat, people will walk all over you. You sound like a lovely, caring person and I know you only want to help, but it does sound to me as though you are being taken advantage of.

You've already done more than a lifetime of caring, with bringing up your sons and looking after your mother. If you carry on like this you will make yourself ill, and then you won't be able to help at all - and they will just have to deal with it. Fundamentally, the GC are their parents' responsibility, not yours. Many, many parents don't have the luxury of parents on tap to carry out basic childcare duties.

Can you take a holiday away for a few weeks, so that you can just refresh yourself, and begin to grieve for your mother. Some time away will also hopefully give you time to think and reassess priorities.

Please don't feel guilty at having time for yourself, not only have you earned it in, but you need it.

My advice - learn to say no!

Baggs pre-coffee moments....those I understand ?

Lucky I know you’re worn to a frazzle and confused by these women your sons have chosen to father children on, but you are being really supportive and helpful.

Well done you.