Gransnet forums



(11 Posts)
PETAL888 Mon 30-Jul-18 10:48:56


I am not even sire if this is the right thing to do today but I am absolutely bereft.

Our Sons Fiance has walked out three days ago and taken their two aged 4 and the other 8 months.

She will not give anyone a reason and is refusing to speak to our Son or us.....

She has moved in with her parents - which is odd as she always said her mother was extremely controlling.

I don't know which way to turn and to be honest my first care and thought is for our own Son. Any support would be good on here - never used a forum before though so not sure if I am in the right place.....I cannot stop crying but I need to be strong for all my family.

Nonnie Mon 30-Jul-18 11:28:32

Keep posting on here, you will get support even if we can't offer solutions.

I can only suggest you do a lot of listening and no judging as has been said on other threads previously. She may come back so think carefully if anything you say would make that a difficult situation.

gillybob Mon 30-Jul-18 11:34:57

I am so sorry for you and your son Petal . Good advice from Nonnie to do a lot of listening but absolutely no judging as things might come back and slap you in the face. Especially if, (hopefully) this is a temporary rift and they could still patch things up.

None of us know what goes on in our children's private lives and things could have been said or done that you have no idea about. Do try to stay strong and don't whatever you do, bad mouth your son's partner. It might be too soon but maybe a text or even written note to say you are still there for her and the children could be a good ice breaker and show that you are not taking sides. Good luck smile

Anniebach Mon 30-Jul-18 11:48:42

I think the same as Nonnie,

Melanieeastanglia Mon 30-Jul-18 11:55:06

I agree with the posts written above. Maybe something has happened and you don't yet know about it.

Good luck.

BlueBelle Mon 30-Jul-18 12:05:04

Oh Petal I m so sorry I feel like crying for you The worst part is not knowing what’s prompted this, your son may well know or have an idea but may be not thinking straight or may not want to talk If she has moved in with her parents who she doesn’t fully get in with then she is fairly desperate All you can do is listen IF he does wants to I have a child going through a break up who has made it very clear they do not want to talk to me about it at all, so we do the small talk stuff which leaves me with hundreds of questions in my brain So your son will have to take the lead in that
I think Gillybob s card or note is a good idea but yes too soon for now, hold on to that one Other than that it’s a horrible waiting game and be there if needed
Thinking of you 🌹

M0nica Mon 30-Jul-18 12:07:23

Controlling mothers can do very nasty things, including breaking marriages up, quietly and subtly. I do not have personal experience of this, but a friend does.

Brunette10 Mon 30-Jul-18 13:48:03

I agree with all the others. Take a step back, don't judge, keep your thoughts to yourself for the moment. Don't interfere although it's very difficult not to esp when you see your DS in so much pain and grief. Let time take its course hopefully solutions will be taken to everyone's satisfaction.

hulahoop Mon 30-Jul-18 14:09:56

What a horrible time you must be having , like others have said don't judge or say anything untoward hope everything gets resolved soon 💐

agnurse Mon 30-Jul-18 17:16:08

I'm so sorry. I completely agree with the others - just be an empathetic listener. You don't know all the details that happened; in most cases there are at least two sides to every story. You also don't want to bad mouth her in case they do get back together.

As parents, it's normal to want to protect a child. That's instinct. But this is also why parents should never get involved in their AC's relationships and AC should never ask their parents to get involved.

luluaugust Mon 30-Jul-18 17:48:19

Can only agree with the others, listening to your son may help you to find out what happened to cause her to leave but keep your thoughts to yourself. To early at present to make your own contact I think. The youngest GC is under a year, I wonder if the problem is there, I hope you get a better understanding of what has gone on soon.