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Grandparenting

In a Dilema about my Grown up Grandaughter

(22 Posts)
over60plus Tue 07-Aug-18 02:40:31

Always been very close to my grandaughter she has always popped in once a week to let us know how her week as been, always taken an interest in her work, friends listened when needed helped when we can.
Then out of the blue she has cut us out of her life does not answer calls text or anything, I have resorted to writing to her just explains if we have upset her in some way we need to know, this is so out of character, her parents are divorced both remarried she has very little to do with her Dad our son, I really do not know who to turn to, my husband answer is she will call when she is ready
Any advice you good people can offer

stella1949 Tue 07-Aug-18 03:20:26

Maybe she has fallen in love ! When you are in the first flush of love, visiting your grandmother falls right down on the priority list. Your husband is right - just let it be and she'll come back .

BlueBelle Tue 07-Aug-18 06:19:56

I agree falling in love might mean she’s stopped visiting so much but it doesn’t really explain the lack of ANY contact at all
Could she have gone away without you knowing?
Is she safe ? I would definitely be worried if it’s so out of character has anyone else heard from her? If you can be sure she’s safe then yes I d take your husbands advice and wait but I d do a few background checks myself you don’t say how old she is or if she lives alone or with her mother Does she work? or college?
I d definitely not just sit back until I knew she was ok do a bit of detective work first Good luck

agnurse Tue 07-Aug-18 06:37:42

If she's an adult your best bet is to wait. I'm always a bit suspicious when people report adults missing because it's not unheard of for adults to take off on a vacation or something without telling anyone. (In fact I've actually heard of at least one case where a couple was reported missing and turned up safe and sound! They had just taken a trip and were shocked anyone would think they are missing!)

Eglantine21 Tue 07-Aug-18 08:08:40

How long is it since you had any contact? Are you in contact with her mother or does your son have contact to know she is ok?

sodapop Tue 07-Aug-18 08:12:57

That's worrying over60plus as others say first check with the family to ensure your granddaughter is safe and well. If all is well then your husband is right you need to allow her some space and time. I'm not sure how old she is but young people do not always appreciate how much we care and worry about them.

notanan2 Tue 07-Aug-18 08:18:58

Same question as Eglantine: how long has it actually been?

lemongrove Tue 07-Aug-18 08:33:35

I agree, do some detective work!

lemongrove Tue 07-Aug-18 08:34:21

Unless it’s only been a week or two of course.

oldbatty Tue 07-Aug-18 08:48:48

I would check with a third party, friend or family that she is safe.

Then stick it out and wait for her to respond to your letter.

Seems odd though?

Willow500 Tue 07-Aug-18 09:01:28

Are you in touch with her online - WhatsApp shows how long it's been since the service was accessed or you may be able to see if she has a Facebook account. It does sound a little odd if she's been used to contacting you regularly.

luluaugust Tue 07-Aug-18 09:25:42

Is there any chance you could ask her mother?

ReadyMeals Tue 07-Aug-18 10:01:44

Yeah, like how long? Could just be abroad on vacation without roaming enabled. If longer, might have lost phone and not actually getting your texts. Though if she was in the habit of popping in, that wouldn't explain why that has stopped too. Usual reason for this is either someone has lied to her and said you've said something bad about her, or she has found herself a jealous overcontrolling boyfriend who doesn't like her having contact with friends and family. Yes you totally must ask other members of her family if they know she's ok.

ReadyMeals Tue 07-Aug-18 10:02:59

Just wanted to add: In this situation you'd be justified checking with members of her mum's family - just to ask after her welfare not to unload about her not contacting you.

Kim19 Tue 07-Aug-18 10:52:48

Pretty awful for you, o60p. Commiserations. I think I would approach through every backdoor I could but being very careful to stay general as opposed to intense as this could be fed back as intrusive. Sounds horrid. Good luck with any attempts you make.

peaches50 Tue 07-Aug-18 11:14:39

Do you know any of her friends - if so maybe a discrete approach to say you hope she is Ok. I'd be worried too as the contact was so loving and weekly to stop so abruptly doesn't sit well with me either. I agree with Bluebelle. and Kim19. You love her, she's your granddaughter and I wouldn't sit back and wait. At the risk of appearing a stalker if she lives close by a drive past just to reassure yourself she is still living there might ease your mind? TRy not to thin the worst either of her or the situation, flowers

over60plus Tue 07-Aug-18 12:20:47

Thanks for your replys called at her house this morning she had some problems to sort out,didn't want to discuss it but all fi ne

Shelagh6 Tue 07-Aug-18 12:29:09

It’s sorted - delighted to hear this. It’s so difficult to deal with situations that just turn up unexpectedly. Happens all the time. Can only do one’s best and sometimes and often, it is the wrong thing to have done!

Hm999 Tue 07-Aug-18 15:30:50

For 2nd time in ten minutes, I'm typing I like the flowers and Miss You approach. Good luck.

Hm999 Tue 07-Aug-18 15:31:32

Brilliant news

BlueBelle Tue 07-Aug-18 16:06:57

That was the best way straight to the horses mouth you can’t be too careful if someone disappears unexpectedly Look at that poor young midwife

FlorenceFlower Tue 07-Aug-18 16:29:23

So pleased she is ok, what a relief.

Reminded me when my daughter and two of her friends went Interrailing when they were on university holidays. We kept in touch via text etc every few days, but after three weeks one of the other mothers rang me because her daughter hadn’t been in contact at all. No reason given, but what one young person thinks is a reasonable time between calls, etc, can be very VERY worrying for their mother, grandmother, etc. 🌺