Granddaughter doesn't want to sleep over

You sound a lovely person, and you seem to be handling this with love and tact. I agree, perhaps you just need to chat to her. If she’s been happy to sleepover before, and if this reluctance coincides with disruption in her life, then it would point to her being anxious about leaving her dad- perhaps she is worried about him. She may not even be able to voice her fears, but it’s worth trying. Perhaps a goodnight chat with her dad on the phone, a picture of him by her bedside, then a chat in the morning when she wakes up, so that she knows he is still there, would help her relax.

Two of ours are in a similar home position. Behaviour fluctuates from minute to minute because of their distress, logic is rarely adult logic. No ideas for you nannam other than to continue to love her and be a safe space for her. I’m sure you’re right about her needing some control, maybe you and her Dad can work out little ways she can have that no matter how small. It’s a difficult time for everyone, please don’t forget to look after yourself, sending my best wishes to you.

Great Idea BlueBelle ! Thankyou!

Maybe she is scared of being away from home in case someone else disappears while she’s gone Her life is completely out of her control at the moment and she is trying to hang on to any semblance of control she can muster
Think of something she loves as a little surprise for bedtime tell her there’s a little pressie under her pillow when she gets into bed and please don’t worry about spoiling her a little through this turmoil

NannaM....aha, the joys and pitfalls of internet communications! Its so easy to be misunderstood. Glad you are so understanding - its a subject that can cause problems (there was another thread that showed a lack of sympathy for this subject). Your dgd needs a lot of love and support and sometimes children will lash out a bit at those who love them most.

HildaW - supplying the pull-ups she likes was not the problem. Getting her dad to drive 45mins (x2) to come and pick her up was. (And no I couldn't do it, I dont have a car).
Thank you all for your comments. I think saying she wants to sleep at dads (even if he is moving, even if its a long trip) gives her a measure of control in a really horrid situation. Her dad and I have been very matter of fact and respectful with her about the pull-ups. Being dry at night will happen before she turns 16 I’m sure!

Everyone is right I think NannaM your granddaughter is going through a difficult time and you need to make it as easy as you can for her. Hilda is right too she needs a bit of privacy as she is probably embarrassed by the situation,
Talk to her and support her and her Dad through this.
Good luck

Sound advice HildaW!

Supplying the pull-ups she prefers is not 'giving in'. My 6 year old dgd uses them and she's old enough to talk about it and is also old enough to know she's in a minority out of her school friends. She told me that the ones she brings with her are the only ones that fit her. She's old enough to be embarrassed and prefers to have the whole matter treated very matter of factly. She's been checked out several times by doctor and so we know this is just a developmental step she has not quite reached.
She stayed a few nights the other week and we had bath time, story time and good night cuddles then I made a bit of a thing about collecting up her bath towel and tidying up the bathroom whilst she put her pull up on in private. I returned for the final 'kiss n cuddle and 'goodnights'. She was happy and relaxed and reiterated the fact that she loved staying at Grandma's.
At some point she will not need them, its not her fault, its just a fact of life that some children need them until their 'systems' work properly. I would never draw attention to it or take the initiative and try to alter her bedtime rituals.

She's having a tough time ,we had a similar thing with our GD when her mum moved out of other granny's into a place of their own ..so she had in effect 4 homes? Wee sould didn't know where she was half the time and took to carrying all sorts of stuff in her schoolbag.To us it looked like rubbish but she said it was important stuff as she wouldn't know which house she would be going home to .Its important to listen to them at this age ,its a big deal when their parents split and they need a wee bit extra love and security from the rest of the people who love them.I hope she feels more settled soon .

Ask her if you buy the right pull ups will she be happy to stay or is their something else. Just talk to her. What you think is bothering her might not be. You'll only know if you ask.
I don't think buying the correct pull ups is giving in to her, there may be a very valid reason why she wants those ones and tbh with all that's going on why not indulge her a little.

I am not sure that listening to your DGC and what worries her is giving in. Can you talk to her, a six year old will have their own ideas and should be able to understand Dad would like to rest. If she is not happy staying away at present can you go there, or else have have her at a time when she will be happy to visit. From your description she has a lot to cope with at present, personally I would say ok, we will leave it for a few weeks until she feels more secure. Perhaps there are other ways you can help Dad.

Pull-ups? Is this for night time?