All or None

I love it because it gives OH and I a chance to develop a relationship with the GC on their own terms. They do not live locally so its the best way for us to really get to know them. Now that they are 7 and 9 they are great company and we spend time together 'doing stuff' or just walking the dog and having chats and just being together.
Yes, its exhausting and 3 to 4 days is enough but its a joy and a treat and I look forward to it.

Lol Crystaltips, I've never had a GC sleepover other than with his mother as they live too far to come and go in one day. At that end of that I am exhausted and it takes me the whole month till they visit again to recover. The dog doesn't help either, as she's very old now and doesn't settle well away from home. But yeah my ideal visit pattern would be once a week for Sunday tea. :D

Am i the only one who doesn’t get why GPs are so desperate to have GC for “sleepovers”? I get it when they are doing a favour for the parents when they are going out or whatever, but not this child roatation thing. I’ve got 6 GC and they do stay in various combinations when the parents ask if they’re away for the weekend etc and it’s blooming hard work. I’m always relieved when they’re picked up and they’re all in one piece. I do enjoy their company , but I’m not desperate to take over the responsibility of looking after them for any great length of time.

I haven't waded through five pages of this but it seems to me that entertaining a four-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy together (as well as a six-year-old) is tough compared with an all boys combination or a narrow age gap combination. Isn't the 12-year-old branching out with his friends now?

We have a different arrangement. If I want a day out, I leave Grandad with DiL.

Gemmag
OP said 'no choice but to abide', many helpful suggestions were offered and OP found that this was not the case.
The direct discussion opened up the situation .
I'm sure we're all pleased that OP and family appear to have overcome a worrying situation.

And your point is ...?

Eirel........What a presumptuous remark.

I have four dgc and the youngest wouldn't have cared about the others going to school or friends houses, its very different, but had her older brothers and sister come to my house she would have known, and been hurt and probably gotten very upset, they aren't daft even at this age. I'm pretty sure this is the Mum not wanting her youngest baby to feel left out, I'm sure she's not trying to upset.

This used to happen to me when I was a child. There was three of us with a age gap of 2 years between the first two then a gap of 4 years. Our Grandma had the space and energy for any combination of two. Its worked brilliantly. The 'remainder' got extra time and trips with Mum whilst the other two were being spoilt by Grandma (she was a widow so brave to have the two IMO. It was done on a rotation so all worked out fair in the end. Everyone felt they were getting a great time. Life is often 'not fair' ie. a bit topsy turvy and uneven and children thrive getting to grips with differing situations.

Elrel At the time these decisions were made, that is what was said, "either take it or leave it." Obviously we refused to believe there was no hope or no other options that is why I asked for suggestions on this and other forums. Sometimes it's good take a step back and ask for opinions. Some were helpful and some weren't. We will see what happens the GC are still not here but are slated to be picked up this afternoon.

At the time of the initial discussion it may have felt like it was a take it or leave it situation. Under those circumstances OP would have valid feelings of his view of a Grandparent’s lot. Maybe both sides had time to reflect so there was room for movement. Perhaps this experience will show that initial impressions might not necessarily be the end of the process. I’m really glad everything is working out for you.

OP So you didn't after all have 'no choice but to abide'. Marvellous what a direct discussion can achieve.

Sounds like good progress. Well done!

Jalima1108.......Vandab46 though Skinnypuppy40 might be ‘old school’ but I don’t think he is.

Good to hear things are moving on skinnypuppy40 I hope you manage to work everything out ok. Good luck,

P.S. I do agree about the puppy though - no way!

All three, or one at a time. There's really no other choice. Your granddaughter will feel that she's missing out, if just the boys come to you without her. I know what my four-year-old granddaughter would be saying ... "Not fair!"

The negotiations have begun and it seems Mom and daughter have agreed to a comprise? Variations of what was suggested here, one at a time or two just as long as they all get a chance.

Thanks to those who suggested variations leaving one GC at home with 1 on 1 time with their parents. We will work one on one time out both ways. So each GC gets a turn with us and their parents.

Cold: So sorry but you really haven't been following this thread if you thought We objected to taking the G kids separately .

I have been following this thread and I am not sure that I really understand what the OP's objection to taking the children individually is?

Or having the younger 2 together and then a more grown up visit.

I'm not sure why it has to be the boys v girl the whole time? Why does the little girl always have to be the one alone - whether being left at home or alone at GPs? Why can't you mix it up so that she can share the fun of being at GPs together with siblings? Why does she have to be the odd one out just because she is a girl?

Not all grandparents do take their DGC for sleepovers. Others are far from the Grandparents, so it's not possible.There are probably some parents who would be delighted even if only two of three are taken at once - better than none at all. Maybe the parents should appreciate the offers they get, even if it doesn't always meet with their approval, and be prepared to negotiate, pleasantly, if there is good reason to do so. As long as the younger ones get a turn, maybe even giving them first turn, making sure they know they're not being left out.

Jalima1108 Not until next year

I still wonder if the DGD is starting school this year? In which case a sleepover next week before term starts might be nice as well.

Eloethan I hardly said we are going to stop the sleep over. On the contrary it looks like daughter is going to do just that. Her mom will ask if it is ok to have one at a time and baring that, the feasibility of it is simply not there.

Every so often there's a thread that surprises me. This discussion comes under the AIBU heading - is this unreasonable behaviour? If this was a face-to-face discussion, would this kind of tone/language be used?
Where's all this 'Their children, their rules' bit come from? If grandparent(s) offer to host sleepovers, then as long as it's not unfair, then there has to be negotiation. End of.

skinnypuppy It appears that rather than try to understand and accommodate your daughter's concerns and wishes, you say you are minded to stop the sleepovers entirely. You sound like a person who likes to get his own way even if it means causing unpleasantness.

You refer to a poster's opinion which echoes your own as "reasonable" and become annoyed by anyone who ventures a different view. Some might consider that you don't really want advice or opinions but merely approval of your own somewhat combative approach.

If you speak to posters in such a way, it is not surprising that they in turn will be quite forthright in voicing their own opinions.

I don't think anyone has suggested you have no option but to take the three children together. They have merely said that if it is too much for you to do so, then it might be better to consider a different arrangement such as inviting the children separately.

grandtante You are making assumptions that the little girl has thrown a "hissy fit" and then go on to refer to her as a "dear little brat". Not a very nice, or fair, way of describing a child and, in my opinion, not very helpful.