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Grandparenting

Need a hand hold

(20 Posts)
notoveryet Fri 31-Aug-18 08:17:59

I really didn't know where to put this and have changed some details after finding a desperate post of mine had been out on facebook. I have a grandson with desperate health issues who has now developed a further illness. He cannot work but is only entitled to minimum state support. We have been paying to keep a roof over his head, his parents can't help. On Monday we are meeting with a financial advisor with a view to taking some form of equity from the house. I am desolate that it has come to this. We cannot downsize unless we live in a tent and have no space for a lodger. I feel better for having written this down and I know we are lucky to have this close relationship with him, I would just like a bit of my retirement to be without this constant anxiety.

OldMeg Fri 31-Aug-18 08:39:15

notoveryet what a lovely grandparent you are. I’m so sorry that this has been thrust on you at this time of your life.

(((hugs)) 😢

TwiceAsNice Fri 31-Aug-18 08:46:04

I'm really sorry this is happening it must be so stressful for you all. The illnesses your grandson has, do they have a support organisation that you can ask for some advice on how to help you?

Willow500 Fri 31-Aug-18 08:54:34

I'm so sorry for your situation - is there no help from a support group as suggested above? I hope you get sound advise from the FA - please ensure they are acting in your best interests and not just out to make money from you. Ask on the Martin Lewis forums where to go for the best advise on equity release as not all companies are reputable although I think the regulations have tightened up over the last few years. There are some posts on GN about it too.

The financial worry is an added burden to the worry about your grandson's health flowers

stella1949 Fri 31-Aug-18 08:55:25

When he needed you, there you were. This is the wonderful thing about being a grandparent - giving the love that they need when nobody else can do it. Hang in there - and I do hope that there is some help for his health condition.

Don't stress about taking some money from the house equity - we did that a few years ago and it's painless. You need the money - take it and move on. It isn't doing you any good to have it tied up in your house , so release it and make good use of it. Best wishes to you.

Luckygirl Fri 31-Aug-18 09:13:07

I am looking at this from the other end of things. Without knowing the exact details of his health problems, but looking at the fact that he is unable to work, it does sound as though he would be classed as a "vulnerable adult."

In that case he should be offered an assessment by your local Social Services Department. They can look at his needs and how they should be met; and this will include financial advice. It should not fall to you to be paying for his accommodation.

In addition you can talk to your local Citizen's Advice.

I understand that you are reluctant to discuss him in any detail on an open forum, but if you care to send me a private message via Gransnet, then I would be happy to try and point you in the right direction if I can. You send a pm by clicking on Private Message in the bar at the top of this post.

fourormore Fri 31-Aug-18 09:44:04

Good post Luckygirl I too was going to suggest that either his GP or you contact Social Services for an assessment as you say he is on the minimum state support.
Can you get Carers Allowance?
Can he get Attendance Allowance?
Luckygirl seems to know more about it than me - I could well be out of date but again the offer to PM me is there.
Like others have said - make sure the equity release is legitimate and also your financial advisor. There are so many dodgy businesses about these days. Age UK may be able to advise you too?
Good luck and take care you lovely Gran flowers flowers

lemongrove Fri 31-Aug-18 10:07:10

notoveryet what a sad situation for you all.Could he live with you if you had help from social services?

Does he need a lot of care in the home?

notoveryet Fri 31-Aug-18 11:55:23

Thank you all, I was so in need of a Little support.Stella1949, you have so cheered me with a positive view of equity release. Unfortunately we have sought advice from all the agencies suggested and he is not entitled to any housing support. To be honest I have been gutted by the total lack of help from anywhere. He cannot live with us, we have the tiniest place you could imagine, the advice we were given was for him to sofa surf amongst friends and relations and we are not willing to see that happen. All is not doom and gloom, we are content with our animals and walking in the countryside. We will see what Monday brings but once again thank you all for being there.

humptydumpty Fri 31-Aug-18 12:13:45

notoveryet, do you have any space in a garden? you can now buy pods which can be lived in, for example

www.ecopoddesign.co.uk/residential/

They're not cheap, but might enable you to release a bit less equity from your home, and you would be on hand to help him when needed.

Nonnie Fri 31-Aug-18 13:14:44

Well said Lucky.

Please explore every avenue before equity release. It could be that by providing the money for him he will be unable to claim benefits he is entitled to. Research, research, research.

annodomini Fri 31-Aug-18 13:14:58

This is a thorny problem that is clearly causing you great distress. I would stress the necessity to get the best advice about equity release. Age UK have a factsheet which you may find helpful. They will provide access to a reliable financial adviser and don't be embarrassed by looking to this source of funding. Many of us do it.

notoveryet Mon 03-Sep-18 16:47:40

Ok, so advisor came this morning, by no means sure that any lender will be willing to lend on our property which is very old and quirky. Been through all alternatives and checked on grandsons entitlements.Now feeling rather despairing, and definitely not one of those baby boomers who are accused of having things so easy. Will get in garden for an hour or so and have a large glass of wine tonight. Thanks again to those who have made me feel less alone.

Doodle Mon 03-Sep-18 19:46:47

notover so sorry your DGS is n this situation and that you are obviously very worried for him. Is his doctor able to give support to social housing and have you tried the Samaritans or Citizens advice. The garden pod thing sounds like a good idea if you have room in the garden. I hope some solution is found for him. At least he has you which must mean a lot.

oldbatty Mon 03-Sep-18 20:35:45

not easy to think clearly when you are emotional. Would it be worth trying to talk this through with a professional? Might be money well spent.

BlueBelle Mon 03-Sep-18 23:06:55

I m not sure where all these affluent baby boomers are either Notover
I think a small chalet or similar in the garden sounds ideal presuming he could eat with you it would give you all space or if you can’t fund that what about a second hand caravan in the garden they can be done out really nice I wouldn’t mind living in one
Not knowing his health problems it’s hard to advise but if he’s unwell enough to not be able to work how can he not get any benefits ? Everyone else seems to or housing benefit?

Tartlet Tue 04-Sep-18 01:55:46

I think many people think the benefit system is more generous that it really is. However, if someone is unable to work or can’t get a job but is having to live independently from family and has no one else able to house them, they will be eligible for housing benefit and council tax support. If they are living in social rented housing, the level of housing support/benefit will normally be enough to cover the rent unless the property is deemed to be bigger than required - in which case the so called bedroom tax will apply. If they are living in private rented housing, the housing benefit will not normally be enough to cover the rent and there will be a shortfall to find. The age of the person may also affect the level of housing benefit paid.

For a single person, the amount of benefit (excluding housing benefit) isn’t enough to live on and pay for food, utility bills, clothes, shoes and so on and so forth.

We have been in a similar position with a family member in the past and are now having to help another who is struggling with a depressive illness. Been there, done that, so know how little help there is out there. If I can help with any advice or experience, I’m happy to do so. I know what a worry and struggle you’re having to cope with in trying to do your best for your grandson.

Buffybee Tue 04-Sep-18 08:32:29

Hi notoveryet I'm sorry that you have the worry about you Dgs.
If he has desperate health issues and has now developed another illness and if he's receiving any benefit, he will be entitled to Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit of he is renting and maybe some Housing Benefit and CTB if he has a mortgage.
The best thing to do would be to go with him to a Citizens Advice Bureau as they are experts in any Benefits he should be entitled to. [flowers}

notoveryet Wed 05-Sep-18 09:32:32

Thank you all. We have been to CAB. As tartlet says the amount of benefit for a single person is impossible to live on. He is not eligible for housing benefit as is expected to sofa surf between family and friends. Looked into a caravan in our garden but not permitted to use this for residential purposes, the pods look lovely but again need planning permission. I'm feeling defeated but will pick myself up and carry on .

oldbatty Wed 05-Sep-18 12:56:41

Aw what a shame....there must be some solution somehow.

Its a bit mad but can you think outside the box....there is a thing called helpfulpeeps.

Can your GS do anything like tutoring to earn a little?

Have you pursued attendance allowance? Have you considered getting a social worker to make an assessment?
Sadly, if you muddle along and minimise things you get nothing.