So upset with lack of discipline for GCs

My grandsons 4trs-11yrs as they’ve got older have become more ‘lost’ to Fortnite and other screen games, Fortunately they also play football and riding their bikes, but it’s me who has to adapt as it’s them growing up! I’ve tried to be interested but it doesn’t do it for me..they’re happy boys though fortunately the 4yr is still happy with Lego etc ..I can join in on that ..phew?

I think the issue here is what you do when you disagree with any aspect of your AC's parenting of their children. OP is saying she makes her views known, but I think that is not the right thing to do. I would have been hopping mad if my parents had interfered when I was bring up my children.

Also the world changes, and the use of electronic devices is simply part of the world they live in now and it is very different from when we were young. That's fine -life moves on.

When we were children our grandparents criticised our being allowed to watch television, said we were spoiled having far too many toys. I clearly remember a great-aunt, who I loved, saying that when she was a child she only had one doll and the clothes she had made for her. This was said as a criticism to my mother who tried tactfully to change the subject.

Why don't you tell your grandchildren about the games you played when you were their ages? Playing tag, peeverbeds (which you may know as hopscotch) tiddliewinks if the weather is bad. Most children love hearing about "when grannie was my age".

The 9.5 year old is mostly on YouTube watching videos, not always age appropriate ones.
The 6.5 and 4.5 boys are mostly on Fortnite.
Not sure if these would qualify as educational?

Like has been said above, things the last generation did can be done on a phone: listening to music, reading, playing scrabble etc...

The CONTENT matters as much as the time IMO.

Ive used online maths programs to help my children with homework for example. Thats still screen time. One of them is quite into classical music and listens to that online too..

It really depends on what they are playing.

If they are playing mindless violence and sexual scene games that is a big concern.

But like books, some games have amazing plot twists and require planning, strategy and team work to play.

Its like telly. There's fantastic educational documentaries and then there is mindless gratuitous sex and violence. Gaming is the same.

That said I personally fall on the "very limited" gaming time side of the fence, but know plenty of top stream health sociable kids from unlimited households.

Older Grandchildren can be a bit more tricky and not happy with watching Thomas and pushing a train set around.

This is very different to when they were babies and toddlers and happily occupied.
I wish computer games had not been invented.

I don't think it's the technology itself, it is the way the parents seem to have abdicated any ability to set some kind of limits. When a 4.5 year old "demands" his mother's iphone to play on for hours a day, I find that pretty monster like behavior. When they help themselves to junk food like chocolates and crisps at all hours of the day, I find that monster like. Then when we say no at our house, we become the baddies and hear "Mum and Dad allow" and even more "our other grandparents allow".
We are really not such disciplinarians (!) but compared to the other side, it feels that way!

I can't help commenting that you say the children have turned into "monsters" and yet you only say they spend a lot of time playing computer games. Gaming doesn't turn kids into monsters - or are they doing things you have not mentioned ?

As a child in the 50's I was a loner and spent a huge amount of time watching old movies on the television. I ended up getting a good education and having a great career - I don't really think you need to be too worried about the GCs turning into monsters because of technology.

Exactly right Saggi. My grandson spends a lot of his home hours making his train tracks and pushing his trains around them. His designs are becoming more complex. His Mum spends 1 hour each day teaching him his phonic alphabet and reading him stories. We also play make up a story where one person starts story off and next adds a bit and so on. He is only aloud 1 15 min episode of Thomas each day if he has behaved well. DD and SiL take him out and about to National Trust sites walking at weekends, swimming and gym tots. My dd and her husband do not watch a lot of TV and do not game or spend endless hours on their phones and neither will my grandchildren. Just say no and find enjoyable alternatives for them to do.

Why not teach youngest grandchild to read whilst he is at your home instead of watching him play endless computer games which incidentally may be age inappropriate for him. Get older children involved in baking. Make the rule no computer games at Nanny's house.

Permissive parenting " all the rage"...I don't think so! Luckily my daughter and SIL are on exactly the same page with parenting AND luckily same page as me!! I look after two grandkids after school and before school three days a week...if I'm giving my time I at least deserve to be treated respectfully AND listened to...then obeyed. That is exactly what happens. My grandkids have no home computer...nor do the parents. They are right up there with computer studies at school so it's NOT disadvantaging them ( before the naysayers start up)... I mean it took me about 10 minutes to get my head round technology....so how many lessons do they need. Their parents work in schools for 'excluded' children and see the results of LAZY parenting every day of the week. My daughter is a child psychological counsellor and goes all round the country into schools with 'problems' . Her motto is ' see the child, know the parent'. Lazy...lax...indifferent parenting is a massive problem... and technology is used as cheap 'babysitting' just as t.v was in past generations. As for 'backing off' my daughter never interferes with my grandparenting...as she knows I also want what's best for her kids. They are well disciplined , lovable, sporty, healthy examples of their generation. Not moribund computer slaves. They're allowed 1 hour a day each of 'tech'. The rest of spare time is football practise...rugby...reading...helping out....cooking... and anything else that takes their eye.

Blame the parents for unruly children

My 16 year old GS spent most of his spare time playing games in his room. Although bright, he isn't very academic, and didn't work very hard at school. His sister is studying law, but he was never interested in going to Uni, insisting that he wanted an apprenticeship.
He has now started a Construction Apprenticeship, with a view to specialising in something when he decides what he wants to do. He does day-release at College, and is enjoying it, because it is relevant to his new life. The games are a thing of the past, as he is so shattered when he gets home from work that he is in bed by 9. He is enjoying his new life.
Don't worry about the children being too attached to their 'machines.' My parents constantly told me off for reading too much, saying that I would need glasses before I was 21! I still read a huge amount, but the glasses didn't come until middle age! Times have changed, and many games teach the children skills of various kinds. When the time comes they will move on to new things that interest them.

Concentrate on good food, manners and discipline and ban screen time when they are at yours . You cannot change what happens in their own home, I'm afraid, if the parents are unwilling to co-operate.

I’m a mum, not a granny and I think that the general consensus that you “shouldn’t criticise the parents”, if you want to stay friends anyway should not be followed in this instance.
You are of a generation that wasn’t brought up with this kind of technology, whilst many of today’s parents were so they don’t see the danger or the damage or have the energy or whatever is necessary to do anything about it.
And everybody is doing it even if you decide that no, you are not going to allow this anymore, all their friends are on it etc etc. Speak your truth about it and don’t be afraid of the consequences because the alternative is far worse. Tell the kids lots of stories about your childhood and what you did without technology and as other people have advised do other stuff with them too.
The pull of tech is huge and to find the right balance takes a lot of effort!

I am lucky to have 3 grandkids my munchkins like there day the 2 boys LOVE gadgets. I worried about the time my soon played on his consoles and that the boys would be the same. I am proud to say that the boys have time limits on there consoles and have craft time 2 days a week. The eldest cannot read fast enough he eats books but likes his games as well. My granddaughter just floats around playing with her dolls and her clothes she is so funny. They are very polite when out and when home sometimes they forget them. It is up to the parents to take charge of the consoles. It is good for them to get away. My grandkids can cook pasta, cheese on toast, hot dogs and pizza WHAT else can a nanny ask for.

Whatever happened to 'my house, my rules'?. However, it must be difficult with the spread of their ages.

I have the same problem with older GS- 14 & 12. The eldest GD is 10 & is on her phone playing games all day- they are siblings. The younger 3 are OK at the moment.
I do agree that Fortnite ( I think this is the way they spell it!) has not caused the problems I expected & seems OK for them to play. I would rather they interacted more but they are growing up & I remember I always had my nose stuck in a book & this is the modern version I suppose. They are still good polite children & I totally ban any gadgets at the table or in sitting room where we all sit together or in their bedrooms here- they also have to turn them off half an hour before bed.
It is Grandma's house- Grandma's rules but I want them to continue to want to come & stay. I do make sure when they are here for more than one night that we go out for at least one day & gadgets are left at home!
To be fair I am probably addicted to Gummy Drops & Candy Crush but I keep my playing on my tablet when I am alone!

gilld69
Wow!

Thing is, while these might be 'games' a lot of them need a lot of problem solving, and communication, and reading! My 4 yr old grandaughter can read fluently because she helps my oldest grandson read the text on the game he loves playing!
I believe schools put on a lot more pressure than we were dealt, this tires kids out a lot more, and they want to relax and play games, then at school, its part and parcel of playground life to talk about said games and discuss tactics, they aren't mindless the way some computer games used to be, they are role playing and complex, and I understand them a lot more now my eldest grandsons have explained them.

And to put your mind at rest, my four eldest grandchildren were exactly the same, coming home to play on their games, (although I would insist on a screen break every half an hour for their necks and eyes!) but now they are active, out at college and starting Uni, and wonderful kids.
This is how they enjoy themselves safely, and unless they are putting on masses of weight and seem depressed, I would leave well alone, but I do understand why you're worried, but I doubt its needed :-) x

mine are the same my daufhter and son in law thought there bad behaviour was cute when they were little and now there always shouting at them , you reep what you sow and they wonder why i wont mind them much, but in saying that they are so different in my house and respect my rules

Once again Bluebelle has hit the nail on the head.
Up until a few years ago we had a sort of unspoken "no technology" rule in our house and I have a huge amount of toys/games for all ages but all that happens is you see less of the kids. We've relaxed a bit but I do try to engage them in conversation as they tap away of their phones. I try to join in sometimes on the Xbox which might fill them with horror but they giggle a lot at my ineptitude. After 10 minutes though, I feel as sick as a dog looking down the barrel of a gun or behind the wheel of a car...how do they do it!
It's also interesting that when you relax a bit, the younger ones come off the technology and start to play with the toys (or the ornaments ?) again.
When my son was younger we used to play Rock Band after school - belting out rock songs and doing a dance to an imaginary audience used to be as exhausting as a game of rounders. It was such fun and I wish he was still interested in it.

My grandmother always told me that her parents always complained about her reading and having her head stuck in a book! And why wasn’t she doing something more useful! Times change and not all computer games are a waste of time. As a PS4 owning gran l have played several games steeped in history where l have roamed ancient Egypt and learned about life there. Climbed buildings in Venice that are reproduced identically, l have never been there but recognised many places l had been to virtually in the game in a recent tv programme! And am at the moment rescuing children from working long hours in the industrial mills in london! Courtesy of computer games and my hand eye coordination is improving massively!
Don’t worry!

It’s this generation. My grandkids are exactly the same. Permissive parenting is all the rage ?