So upset with lack of discipline for GCs

My grandchildren are like this. I'm perplexed because my son lives with me and the oldest GS who is 10yrs lives here four days a week.
The Gds arrive Friday through to Sunday.
It's my GS that echoes the OP concerns. Glued to X Box and communicating through headphones and microphone with his schoolfriends and goodness knows who else.

So Grandmas house, Grandmas rules is tricky and I'm at a loss.

They all took a great interest in the traditional things that I expected to be doing with them. Then their Dad (my son) told me to stop "boring" them! He says I'm out of touch.

May not be what you wanted to hear - but the rule is that they have to parent as they see fit; and unless the children are being actively abused then it is not our place to comment.

I have 7 GC and have never never ever put my oar in. If I am asked about a particular problem they might be having with GC then I will respond; but otherwise it is simply not my business.

Teetime, that is very encouraging, thank you. Luckygirl: I guess I earned that comment ("back off") - thanks :-)

Their children, their choice. It is not your place to comment - I am surprised that your DD tolerates you putting your oar in. You need to back off.

DD1 brought up her 3 children entirely differently to me - lots of junk food, not much in the way of reading or school work, lots of gadgets and rubbish TV but they have all turned out as pleasant, polite, hardworking young people. It'll be OK.

Thank you, BlueBelle, I think you are right and I really appreciate your (and all the others') inputs on this topic.

I think we really have to get our heads around the fact that games and game playing has changed I worried about how little my grandkids read books but after talking to them and realising they have a very wide range of knowledge and completely up to date with politics, world situations etc I realise they read everything even news on their iPads yes they play xboxes and other games on their tablets but they play with others even though not in the same room, as a child I was a lonely only and used to play cards left hand against the right I think we just have to understand that each generations play is different not necessarily better or worse bu5 just different
When they are at yours take them out and about, if you don’t want them in on their electronics and make sure you don’t give them any junk ( good luck with that) but that’s the most you can do but stop worrying they will be fine

you need to step back,its not up to you to make the rules,you can ask them not to use them in your home but apart from that its their parents who get to say what they do.

Good to read all of the comments, thank you all.

There are a lot of children these day playing with Xboxes more and phones. That's what they're interested in and what they want to engage with. Some children still prefer traditional toys, but there are more that prefer digital entertainment.

As a grandparent how much time they have one these devices is, whether you like it or not, nothing to do with you.

You can easily say that your prefer for them not to use them in your home, but other than that, it's their parents choice and you have to respect that.

If the grandchildren are generally loved and well cared for, I'd leave well alone.

If you have a row, you might end up not seeing so much of the grandchildren.

Perhaps you could babysit them so that your daughter gets a rest - she may be just worn down with the work that three children brings. Some people struggle with what other people cope with easily.

Perhaps, when they are with you, you could introduce other activities.

Two of my grandchildren have lives exactly like you describe. They are 9 and 13. And yet.....they are both very healthy, and their brains seem to be fine since they are both doing fine at school. If Fortnite was turning them into overweight zombies I'd be worried, but it isn't.

In your position I'd just stick to being grandma, not trying to change the way they live. Their parents make the rules, not you.

Would you object if they were reading books or playing snakes and ladders, probably not, time has moved on and so must you.
That's different to discipline, politeness and consideration, as Granny I pull any of my GCs up for bad manners or indiscipline, in front of their parents if needed. If that means I'm called Grumpy Granny so be it.
As for junk food, as long as they are not overweight or hyperactive, kids need energy, even growing girls, mine eat like horses.

Thanks, DoraMarr, you are right of course, and that's what I try and do. It's just I struggle to see how what they are allowing can possibly be healthy for the kids. A 4.5 year old on a mobile phone or XBox playing "Fortnite" for hours????
It's such a challenge, being as involved as we are, and loving them the way I do, yet not being able to influence what I see as the children's well-being.
If I thought it was just a matter of opinion, I could live with it, but I seriously think this is jeopardizing the kids' health and well-being!

As well as “grandma’s house, grandma’s rules” there is an equivalent for your daughter and husband. All you can do is to make their time with you as interesting as the time spent playing computer games. Walks in the park followed by tea in a cafe, making cakes, doing crafts, all these will be enjoyable even if they say “do we have to?” at first. Also, provide good nourishing meals and small snacks, and don’t waver. It’s hard to have different rules and expectations, but you can set your own in your own home. However, there is one caveat: you must never ever criticise their parents.