Gransnet forums


Grandchildren's bad behaviour

(21 Posts)
giulia Sat 27-Oct-18 16:22:35

My grandsons, aged two and a half and just four have started to spit on the floor every time they are "disallowed" to do something bad. One example is that of throwing pebbles onto their parents' cars parked below the house,
I think they picked this up at school but there seems to be no stopping them, despite the efforts of both parents and us.
Anyone have any good ideas? We make them wipe up after them with kitchen paper but.... Otherwise, they're nice kids.

aggie Sat 27-Oct-18 16:27:21

They sound delightful ................... and very advanced ........... school at 2 and 4 ?

felice Sat 27-Oct-18 16:54:51

Can start School at that age here but very strict discipline.

Coolgran65 Sat 27-Oct-18 17:32:14

Wipe up, and naughty step.
Lose favourite toy for a specified time.
Time to learn there are consequences.

Willow10 Sat 27-Oct-18 17:33:29

Teaching them that bad behaviour has consequences might help, rather than just making them wipe it up. Not exactly a punishment is it? Withholding treats, toys, tv, outings etc. might be more productive.

wildswan16 Sat 27-Oct-18 17:34:19

If they spit, their toys are removed. End of discussion. No negotiations.

If they spit, they do not get to go to the park tomorrow. End of discussion. No negotiations.

If they spit, they do not watch any TV for three days. End of discussion. No negotiations.

Sorry, but if you can't discipline 2 and 4 year olds I hate to think what they will be like when they are 12 and 14.

Chewbacca Sat 27-Oct-18 17:42:23

2 and 4? And you and their parents are having trouble disciplining them? Heaven knows what problems you'll have in 10 years time if you don't get a grip now. I only have to give a hard, cold stare at my 6 and 2 year old GC and they shudder! Swift disciplinary action, immediately the spitting (or stone throwing) occurs and mean what you say. No discussion. No negotiations. And always follow through each and every time.

sodapop Sat 27-Oct-18 18:48:38

I agree with chewbacca and Wildswan discipline needs to be established now and followed through. Time to be a parent and give the children boundaries.

Jobey68 Sat 27-Oct-18 21:06:54

I'm sorry but no 2 and 4 year old would be getting the better of me! The adults are in control and there must be consequences for every action good or bad, just ask my married 27 and 29 year olds, they still live in fear of the C word!!

notanan2 Sat 27-Oct-18 21:22:44

At 2 sometimes small kids don't distinguish between good attention and bad attention and reacting to bad behaviour is just the "reward" (i.e. you stopping whatever you are doing and giving your attention to them) that they were after.

Ignoring it IS "punishment" at that age. Then they learn that good behaviour is rewarded with attention and bad behaviour is not a way to get it. Ignoring IS a form of discipline and it works and very small children find being ignored when they are acting up a very acute punishment.

It would be different for an older child.

notanan2 Sat 27-Oct-18 21:24:12

I would physically remove pebbles from hand and/or physically move the child whilst not giving them the attention/reaction/rise they are after.... the "game" would soon lose its appeal to them.

Lazigirl Sat 27-Oct-18 21:29:08

Good post notanan2. I agree best way to deal with kids this age.

MissAdventure Sat 27-Oct-18 21:57:31

Their feet wouldn't touch the ground.
They'd be put somewhere else, away from everyone else, each and every time.

MawBroon Sat 27-Oct-18 22:03:17

School at 2? confused

notanan2 Sat 27-Oct-18 23:10:49

P.s. I know a few people who refer to nursery or preschool as "school". (It does sound silly in real life but some people do it..... I think it's to be "in" with the competitively "moaning mummies"... e.g. "oh yeah I HATE the school run too..." ...... for preschool....which is optional.... confused )

giulia Sun 28-Oct-18 08:17:16

Sorry - I should have said "asilo nido", not school (we live in Italy). I was generalising. Yes, are doing most of the recommendations above. I also think that ignoring can be the best policy here. Thank you for all your advice.

PECS Sun 28-Oct-18 08:48:23

I had a spitter in school nursery once. His preferred response to being thwarted by another child or adult. 🙄 I found a big bucket and said if he liked to spit he could spend the day spitting..into the bucket but not at people & if I saw him spit antwhere but the bucket there would be BIG TROUBLE ! It was not immediate, bad habits are hard to break, but he did stop!

Lisalou Tue 30-Oct-18 20:34:18

Please ladies, do not go on about "school at two??" I can just see the raised eyebrows on that one. Just because in the UK the system does not routinely put children in school that early, it does not mean it is the norm elsewhere. Both Spain and Italy provide preschool options from 4 months in Spain and similar in Italy. I know other countries also put children in "school from a much earlier age than UK, but do not know all the details.

I say this as an aside, and agree that strict discipline is needed.

PECS Tue 30-Oct-18 23:07:52

Thos places are called Day Nurseries or Day Care Centres when they cater for the care & development need of babies to school age ie 3months to 4 + yrs. So not dissimilar..just a different name! 😊

BlueBelle Wed 31-Oct-18 05:03:53

Of course we have nurseries in UK for babies from tiny onwards but they are NOT schools Lisalou Actually children going to proper school at 4+ are amongst the earliest in Europe where a lot start school st 6
How are the boys throwing pebbles from the house down onto cars are they allowed pebbles in the house ?
Unfortunately if four adults can’t control two babies, by the time they are teens it’s going to be a nightmare
Definitely stronger action, NO pebbles in the house and spitting is a a no no with consequences, be it losing a toy, tv, naughty step etc wiping up isn’t really a punishment is it?

Apricity Wed 31-Oct-18 06:10:45

Absolutely agree with other posters about teaching children that all behaviours have consequences. Some behaviours result in nice consequences and some behaviours result in not so nice consequences.

Even at 2 and 4 your grandsons are old enough to understand that if they continue to do X then Y will follow. Tell them clearly what will happen and then implement it. As others have said, no ifs, no buts, just do it. Tantrums and tears will result in time out in their room. Quietly pick them up, take them to their room and tell them when they can behave properly and put on a happy face they can come out.

Only you and the parents know what will have an impact on these two little boys whether it is removing favourite toys or TV shows for a certain period, no favourite foods, special outings etc.

Good luck but it's worth it in the long run.