Tantrums when granddaughter sees me

It is all part of the adjusting stage which goes with a new younger sibling arriving.

I note that the problem is worse if the baby is breastfeeding. I had the same trouble when my second child was born. Feeding is such an intimate and close relationship between mother and baby that an older child feels completely left out and abandoned. She is frightened and anxious that her place with mummy is being superceded.

You arrive when this feeding is happening or about to happen and you are seen as the cause/catalyst for feeding the baby and she probably thinks that if you do not come the baby will not get fed and she can have her mother to herself. I would suspect that when Daddy comes home , he immediately makes a lot of fuss of his little girl and what she wants to do is skip you being there and go straight to having daddy to make life well again.

Could you change the time you visit so that it doesn't coincide with feeding time for the baby? Or could you engage with the little girl doing something that holds her attention; a game, drawing, stickers, so her her mother can quietly slide out of the room while she is so engaged and feed the baby somewhere else.

I found what worked best was reorganising the baby's routine so that, as far as possible, she was not fed when her older brother was around to see me doing it.

Thanks, that’s helpful. I see them quite frequently at other times and she is fine, which is why I am finding this so hard to deal with. We do have strategies to occupy and distract her whilst feeding is going on and that works well. It’s just my arrival at 4.30pm that is the problem. The obvious answer is don’t go round at that time, but that seems a little harsh for my daughter who really appreciates the help before bath time.

That could be the “witching hour” when the older one is tired and hungry and wants her mummy/ daddy’s full attention.

Yes agreed. I think I need to avoid this routine as I would hate for this to become embedded. We have a wonderful relationship at other times, she even prefers to travel in my car when we go out together.

It'll pass, just alter the times slightly as everything seems to happen at once and a toddler can't comprehend this.

First don t take it personally The fact she calls out daddy tells you that’s what she’s expecting andi is disappointed when it’s not Daddy Breast feeding is a tricky time and when my grandson was 2 he used to try and pull his mums breast out of the baby’s mouth at feeding time
How about taking something with you (not a present) but something she can add to each day for instance do some sticking with her then you can tell her you ll bring some new stickies the next day to add to the picture just a few each day until she is looking forward to you arriving to get on with her picture Youll probably think of something better but that’s just off the top of my head Just something she will start looking for you to arrive with

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts. I was quite upset tonight when I decided it would be better to avoid going round. Having had 3 children myself in the space of 4.5 years I really should have remembered what it is like. Conversely I also know how much you appreciate help!

Thanks Bluebelle, that sounds like a great idea

I sometimes used to give toddlers a “little tea” at about 3.30-4 just to see them through the next couple of hours, maybe milk and a little sandwich or bit of toast and marmite, not anything sugary. Maybe you could give your granddaughter something like this when you arrive?

Hmmmm I’m not sure that would be welcomed by mum & dad. At her 2 yr check, she fell into ‘obese’ category which is absolute nonsense. Her father is 6 ft 9 and well built and her mother is 5ft 8 and very skinny. She clearly has her father’s genes. So I never give her any food of any description! The nurse actually agreed that she was far from being obese. (So why say it then??) I guess that’s another conversation.....