Ginny 42 When you described the shock after his outburst that was a red flag. No one, absolutely no one should speak like that to someone 76 years old, what was he thinking of? No matter what has happened before that threat is most certainly ABUSE and can cause bad health and even kill.
It's like a threat of a beating.
It's good you have had counselling but both your DD and SIL must understand it must never happen again. It is dangerous. He is old enough to control his temper when with the elderly and children and if he can't he should get professional help. He is behaving like a big bad toddler and very irresponsible.
Your DD should know you are not going to accept those threats again, she should convey to him that this is serious abuse because of your age.
No one is perfect but most adult people accept the quirks of others and carry on with life. But a threat of reeling off what he thinks you have done wrong is not acceptable even if there have been mistakes. He is younger, probably louder and what if he decided to find a whole load of sick lies he has made up in his bitter mind? Nasty people use outbursts like this to control and frighten others.
If you DD knows he is doing this she also has to know it's not acceptable as it's coercive abuse AND abuse of the elderly. She should not be allowing him to speak to you like that.
It is impossible to "walk away" from something like this when older as there is huge shock and it could affect your health. He clearly has some immature issues which he and your DD have to deal with, you must not be the brunt of his bullying.
We have laws to protect us from family abuse because in the past the elderly really were vulnerable to any bully they were related to.
It happened to me, a family member I do not see at all now and who never knew me well. He had issues of maturity, never got on with his own mother, and a particularly abusive father who encouraged him to kick off around women. Out of the blue he began rattling off some terrible lies that had nothing to do with me but were intended to be the equivalent of a verbal beating. There is no way to reason with someone like that and once they say those lies they become "real" to them. The effect on me was devastating, I became very ill, in deep shock and it took several counselling sessions to et my confidence back. When his wife was questioned about the lies she said he had "made it up". If you allow one incident it will happen again and in my case it did, the next time a vile sexual attack. The police were called and it turned out he really does not like older women, has lost jobs because he was abusive to women.
His poor mother is still having lies spread about her so you are probably not the only one being subjected to his threats.
What he was going to list as all your faults would probably be everything he hates about every older woman with a sprinkling of bits of truth to cause maximum damage. People who do that are very nasty and need help. The result is like a beating.
I hope you are feeling stronger now and can start putting it behind you.
