Sleeping issues

Exhausted parents are probably not able to function to the best of their ability in the day either.

Perhaps if you broached the subject gently with them both,, along the lines of "do you think that perhaps .....?" for the sake of their health too, but be prepared to back off if they are not prepared to listen.

Bluebelle I made that point too - I agree, associating food with comfort instead of food to assuage hunger is encouraging an association which could lead to eating problems later in life.

There is no dangerous advice on here, just concern that in fact this child could be lacking nutrients from a balanced diet and could in fact be hungry, that is why she needs constant feeding.
And if she wakes five times in the night that is probably less for comfort and more from habit.
A child of 22 months should normally sleep through the night unless ill or perhaps an occasional dream - or hungry.

That’s just ridiculous.
BF is so much more than food. The child is receiving comfort and security.

There is so much outdated and straight out dangerous advice on this thread alone that’s why I’ve advised the Op to say nothing and just encourage the DIL to go to educated and knowledgeable sources.

I m not knocking breastfeeding Bibbity but no 2 year old needs food 5 times a night, all it is teaching her is food is on tap whenever you call, she will be brainwashed to believe food is her comfort and what good is that for her brain growing up
You don’t have to leave a baby to cry Oodles but you don’t feed it every time it cries
As for getting up to give a 4 year old water mine were all capable of getting their own at 4 they were also very competent at crawling into our bed very quietly if they were afraid or couldn’t get back to sleep and I d find one curled up when I woke in the morning ?

I can honestly say that none of mine had feeds between 11pm and 7am at any time. They slept right through, in a cot in our room for the first few weeks..
As soon as I felt that only milk wasn't enough, for their last feed I made up a bottle of formula with a crushed Farleys rusk in and used a teat with a slightly larger hole. Then it was just a case of introducing more food and less milk.
I only breast fed for 6 months with each.

(S)mothering. Not good for parent or child. She is making a rod for her own back and ClareAB is not helping matters by sugar coating any issues.

If Mum and Dad don't get some sleep soon there will be more than a crying baby to deal with.

Jalima my three and four year old aren't allowed a drink left in the room with them at night after about the... fourth time they decided to pour it in their beds for a laugh?

So they have to yell into the baby monitor and I come in with one.

Perhaps it is not a good thing to associate needing comfort with immediately being fed.

Perhaps that is why we use the term 'comfort food' when we're in distress when there could be better ways of overcoming distress.

she was still getting up to give a bottle of water when she was 4 years old
Did the mother not just put a drink of water in a bottle or 'sippy cup' by the side of the bed?
[astonished]

My good friend's daughter tried the give water at night approach as suggested by the health visitor, she was still getting up to give a bottle of water when she was 4 years old! Much better to breastfeed when you don't need to get out of bed. The mother will be giving food, but babies don't just wake at night for hunger, they wake because they've had a bad dream, they're lonely, they are uncomfy, babies don't just feed for food, they feed for comfort, and being responsive to a baby's need is not being ruled by them. They all wean, mine are now in their 30s and they don't want to sleep with me anymore lol! They went into their own beds when they were ready, no angst. There are ways of getting more sleep. The breastfeeding organisations would gladly help, she might consider joining her nearest facebook group and get help and support from the mums on there
Some mothers will settle the little one in a bed of her own, so mum and dad start the night together, and just bring the little one through when she wakes, is there a reason why they are in separate beds? If cosleeping means that she doesn't have to get up it may be that until LO is waking less she actually has more sleep. Actually, there is a lot of new evidence with the new advances in neuroscience that leaving a baby to cry is harmful, google dangers of crying it out, so how great that she is not doing that.

Perhaps a bit of ‘sleep training’. DD is just doing it with 7month grandson who wakes despite not needing feeding. I believe there are ‘professional’ trainers who can advise

Well my husband has been relegated to the spare room for 4 years on and off. We’ve still managed to conceive our third child ?

The benefits of extended breastfeeding are really amazing.
If this is what the mother had decided is best for her and LO than that’s that.
She should have support and an emotional ‘let out’ that’s only healthy.

I disagree. I believe that a child’s health and well-being should always be the number one priority.

Bibbity its such a short period of time
Well if the poor father has been in the spare room for 22 months he’s not feeling its a short time at all

She is waking five times a night because she is rewarded each time she wakes if she got no comfort food she would soon learn to sleep longer and eat her solids in the day She should be experiment with textures, colours, tastes at 2 not just hanging on to a boob whenever she wants What if the mum was ill and she couldn’t have it, she’d be lost., and what of the Dads involvement he’s cut right out of the feeding equation all she wants is her mums breast
Lily65 is right the world shouldn’t revolve around her the baby is being spoilt with both parents bending over backwards to please her

I'm sure some of us may have realised that years ago, especially if we were pregnant with number 2 or had two aged 22 months and under.
Or three of 20 months and under - and not that many years ago as one of DD's friends had.
She coped extremely well and without any help from grannies.

Self preservation must kick in at some point surely?

Here is something massively old fashioned.....the world doesn't revolve round the 22 month old.

I am sure my ideas are really old fashioned as the DGC are now well past babyhood but for what its worth regarding the night waking I would offer water (we used to put a drop of sugar in with it!!!, better than gin), keep the lighting right down and if dad is prepared to do this for a short while she should stop waking. I don't know how long or short a time mothers should breast feed but I do wonder if this small girl is hungry, by two she should be feeding herself almost - custard up the walls - and playing with food and experimenting with tastes. You say your DIL is getting very thin and this would worry me a lot, plus if your son is unhappy with the situation I think you are right to be concerned. Next time the subject arises I would offer some opinion on the situation.

Yes. Because as Op says. They aren’t actioning anything.
There are mounds of support groups online that can assist DIL in stopping.
She is posisbly just using Op as a sounding board.
If OP does think she wants to stop the best thing she could do is listen and suggest the groups that could give effective and current advice.

Ps. Do not mention the damage to teeth. There is absolutly no risk to teeth.

That what you got from the OP? Oh well, difficult to argue.

And that’s fine for you.

But the DIL is clearly wanting to continue breastfeeding. One of the biggest Issue mothers who EBF face is unsupportive families.

I suppose it cannot be helped on an open forum but its a shame when some folks choose to use another person's problems as a vehicle for their own particular gripe/crusade. The OP is worried about her S and DIL who both seem to be struggling. Completely broken nights and separate rooms does not sound like anyone is enjoying this regime. Breastfeeding is a personal journey, as I stated I got to a point at 9 months when I was driven to regain my boobs. I had loved feeding - it was a delight but I had just reached the point at which I wanted to stop. That was my choice, my baby was thriving and our lives were as we wanted them so all was good. Please allow for differences and show a little empathy for a worried Grandma. You might like to be breastfeeding till your child is a lot older however many either cannot or find it does not suit our lives.

2 of mine went direct from breast to cup. The others had a bottle going to bed until 2 or so. I was surprised that my GC were weaned onto bottle when they were old enough to drink from cup but in the country where they live it seems to be common.

Ours did wake occasionally and we sometimes brought them into our bed but never gave a bottle in the night, whereas our GC seem to often be given bottle in night when they wake. I don’t think it’s a good idea but can’t say anything!

ClareAB, my post did sound harsh! It probably is because of my own experience of being judged for ebf. Your idea that there is a system or some sort of protocol is shared by many and maybe it works or maybe it makes things more convenient for the parents I don’t know. All I know is the desire to do things my way was very strong and maybe your DS and dil are like that too. My mil tuttutted a lot about my parenting. But as you can see I can also attribute that she did give some great advice. So I suppose all I’m saying is chill out a bit, all parents get tired and fall apart for a while. You’re obviously s very caring dm/mil I do apologise if I was accusing.

They have teeth by then! Yipes. Mine all on solids and sleeping through by then. Breast is best but not if you're turning into the walking dead and a possible relationship breakdown.

If they won't listen because they are sacrificing too much for your GD (she doesn't need those night feeds and she will suffer if her mother gets ill or her father walks out) then maybe some reverse psychology. Mention in passing someone told you baby teeth suffer if fed that many times (sugar on little teeth) or something that doesn't sound like a criticism but sounds to them like they will be doing 'even more' to help their DD if they wean her.

Or wait and see. Exhausted people can grow horns, especially if the reason for the fatigue is being criticised.

Tread carefully.

Mine too!

DD never took a bottle in her life! She genuinely would choose starving. Which we discovered when I went out for the night and left her with DH.

She went from my breast to a cup.

One of mine would not take a bottle under any circumstances.