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Grandchildren and Christmas gifts

(7 Posts)
Lemonlegs13 Mon 04-Feb-19 17:40:35

Grandchildren not reciprocating Christmas/birthday gifts.

I sent my two grown up DGD’s a gently worded message after Christmas saying it would have made my Christmas to have received a small gift from them, knowing they’d chosen it, wrapped it up themselves and written a label, and that I was sad that they hadn’t.
They were very gracious in their reply, apologising and saying they would do that next year instead of having their names added to the gifts I received from their parents.
Unfortunately my DD took exception and I received some very haughty messages from her telling me I should be grateful for what I did receive and not what I didn’t, and that ‘they’re all I’ve got’, and ‘after all we do for you’ etc etc.
Short memories obviously, they had free childcare for two years when my daughter went back to work and both girls - now 18 and 21- have received lots of pocket money over the years.
I’m on my own now with a low income and am shocked by my daughter -and SIL’s - reaction.
Needless to say I won’t be giving anymore pocket money and I now know how they regard me.
I hear similar from some of my friends who say this is standard behaviour now.
I did remind my daughter that she and her brother used to enjoy giving their own gifts to my parents - hopefully she’ll reflect on that but I won’t hold my breath!

mumofmadboys Mon 04-Feb-19 18:12:27

Do you see your GC often? Are they students? If so, they may be short of money. My own children only bought my parents presents when they moved near us in the last few years of their lives. I had to prompt them to do that to be honest. They tended then not to buy their brothers presents as they didn't have much money. You are in danger of upsetting your GC I'm afraid.

EllanVannin Mon 04-Feb-19 18:21:16

Does it matter ? I wouldn't dream of putting anyone under an obligation to give me a present just because I gave them one. I wouldn't expect anything in return whatsoever.

Luckylegs9 Thu 07-Feb-19 12:09:58

I would not have sent them a message, they are old enough to decide whom to buy presents for. If you see upset by not getting one back, just don't do it. I don't give to receive, but I do like an acknoledgement, if when they got to 21 they didn't, I would just say I am not sure you get what I send you so will just send a card and give a present when I see you.

stella1949 Thu 07-Feb-19 15:06:17

I’m on my own now with a low income

Why on earth are you still giving two adult women pocket money then ?

notanan2 Thu 07-Feb-19 19:20:04

I would never in a million years write to someone to tell them they should have given me gifts shock

As polite/gracious as your GCs replies were, its hardly a surprise that your letter obviously prompted them ranting to their mum who sprung to their defence, perhaps she shouldnt have, after all they are adults. But you cant have thought that your letter wouldnt prompt drama?

SalsaQueen Thu 07-Feb-19 23:05:48

Perhaps they should have, could have, got you something for Christmas, but they didn't. If it were me, I'd have been upset, but wouldn't have sent a note telling them so! Just don't bother to get them much (or anything at all) if you can't afford it, or if you expect something in return. Christmas was 6 weeks ago now, and you sound rather bitter.