Gransnet forums


No grandchildren from one child

(11 Posts)
Dommie Sun 24-Feb-19 04:15:21

I was wondering how others feel if they have grandchildren from one child that they had a difficult relationship with but no grandchildren from the other child that they have a great relationship with.

Do you regret that you won't have grandchildren from the child you are very close with?

stella1949 Sun 24-Feb-19 05:52:44

It's the luck of the draw, unfortunately. We can't expect everything to happen as we'd like it.

I've got two grandchildren from each of my children. I'm very close to my son....his two children are very influenced by their nasty mother , and frankly I don't feel overly happy when I'm with them.

My daughter and I have a fraught relationship - just too different I'm afraid. But her children are the cream in my coffee, I adore them and would walk over hot coals to spend time with them. And ironically, this intense love for the GC has improved my relationship with my daughter, too. At last we have something in common - these two lovely children.

I guess what I'm saying is, there is no guarantee that the children from the "difficult" adult child, will also be difficult. And the children from the "favoured' adult child can end up being difficult .

All we can do, is take what fortune doles out to us, and be grateful . Many "grans" are not so lucky.

MawBroon Sun 24-Feb-19 06:04:51

I agree that that you can’t dictate how your or anybody else’s life will turn out.
I love all my children (3) and have been happy for them when wanted babies have come along, but it’s not about me or “my grandchildren” it’s about them and their being a family.
I would try not to get hung up on what you seem to see as an issue. Whether or not they have children is not really your business nor should it impact your own relationship with your children.
Perhaps you need to work at mending fences with the “difficult” child who may not want children or be able to have them. That is their business,

MawBroon Sun 24-Feb-19 06:08:13

Oops I have mixed up your children, apologies. What I think I mean is our own relationships are something which we can influence, but not the next generation.
I hope your grandchildren bring love and comfort and who knows, that “difficult” relationship may yet be improved.

BlueBelle Sun 24-Feb-19 06:52:24

I find this a strange question Everyone will have different relationships with different children and fit in with grandchildren as it goes along
If you regret no children with the close child it will impinge on your relationship with the grandchildren you do have you can’t do anything at all about who does or doesn’t have children so why even think about it

kittylester Sun 24-Feb-19 07:01:08

Hello, dommie, welcome if you are new.

M0nica Sun 24-Feb-19 07:51:30

I am just happy that one of my children has given me the immeasurable pleasure of having grandchildren.

Starlady Sun 24-Feb-19 08:13:48

Welcome Dommie! I take it you're describing your own situation? I think it's totally normal for you to wish you had gc from the ac (adult child) that you have the better relationship with. I imagine you feel you would get to have a closer, more rewarding relationship with those gc. not having those gc is leaving a kind of void for you? But hey, perhaps that ac will decide to have a child someday? I hope so for your sake though as Stella's post shows, it doesn't always work out the way one thinks it would.

How is your relationship with the gc you do have? Has your difficult relationship with their parent had a negative effect on that? I hope not, but I know that often happens. I hope you get to enjoy those gc as much as is possible, given the strain between the adults.

Nannarose Sun 24-Feb-19 09:16:03

Although I think 2 children is probably the most sensible number to have, there is then a tendency to label everything in terms of 'is' or 'is not'. From the innocuous does / doesn't like tomato sauce to is / isn't good at something, and here difficult / great relationship.
I would sit back and think about what is good about the child that you have the more difficult relationship with, and see if that allows you to make any change in the way you see things or get along together.

Knickerbockerglory Mon 25-Feb-19 18:36:54

I have one step grandchild and it’s so difficult because I’m not seen as her ‘real’ grandma by her Mom and don’t have much input in her life/never asked for advice etc. I would love one of my own daughters to eventually have kids, but I would have to be so careful not to treat them any differently from my step grandchild, although I suspect (very strongly) that I would bond more and feel closer to them simply because of being allowed to be the ‘real’ grandma.

sodapop Mon 25-Feb-19 20:01:08

I agree with Maw their lives, enjoy what you have without regrets.