Has anyone experienced this?

Just wondering Temashow your GS manages in other social situations? Is he in scouts or some other youth organisation? If not you might consider looking for something that would suit him. He may find a smaller group easier to cope with and will build social skills. Even when my DS was out of school he attended a local Woodcraft group which really suited him and gave him a lot of coping skills.

Just a friendly reminder that school is not compulsory.
Education is.

If, ultimately, a return to school isn't on the cards it might be worth considering Home Ed, at least for a while. I don't know how you are fixed as a family but it's certainly an option.
Good luck to you all. It must be very stressful - for him especially- but also for all you who love him.

I was telling my daughter about this thread, GD is on the autism spectrum and finds school very hard. DD reminded me that GD had had a school eye test (as opposed to normal eye test) and this had shown up a problem which specialised glasses have helped. The eye test is mot available everywhere and has to be paid for, but the resulting improvement in GD’s reading was amazing. Might be worth checking for some struggling readers.

Funnily enough this is going through my mind at the moment. I think he could have some ASD and it is kind of manifesting itself now. He did well at primary school but it was quite sheltered.

I know I will be jumped on but undiagnosed autism is always a possibility. GS1 suddenly developed panic attacks about school when he was about nine and ran away from school several times. Not being able to cope with the noise of the other pupils is also very symptomatic. It's worth mentioning, if only to rule it out.

A neighbour's daughter had problems with secondary school - I was never given the details. Anyway, they decided to home educate her and I taught her a couple of subjects. She passed several GCSEs.

There is plenty of support for home education if you find it necessary, from educational material for the various subjects to home tutors (usually qualified and experienced teachers) who can cover any subjects you can't manage. They can be hired through agencies and will do weekly hourly sessions or more. I did this work for a while, giving additional support to children who were struggling with Maths or reading. They seemed to respond well.

It's an option if you think it might help, and you can manage or afford the teaching, at least in the short term, so that your grandson doesn't fall behind.

My granddaughter couldn't start senior school at age 11, because she'd been bullied and was severely traumatized. She never did go at all in the end. She's 17 now and has spent the last 6 years at home, afraid not only to go out, but can't see anyone either because she's terrified. I say your boy needs help soon before it gets a lot worse. Good luck.

Hi, yes, i had experience of this with my youngest son back in 1994.
He came out of school very upset one day after being wrongly accused of stealing from someone, by a teacher.
Concerns had been raised about a month before about the teachers ability to cope with such a large class. (37, so most were doing their work each day out in a central area).
Anyway he announced he wasn't going back to school! and three to fours years after that we were still struggling to get him back into education full time.
It seemed like from that day forward he developed a school phobia, would have a panic attack each time we got to the school gates.
He was on home education (1 hour a day); I gave up work to be at home.
Most of our friends and neighbours had strong opinions on how we should deal with him and some of them refused to let their children come to our house, in case their kids did the same thing.
I' ve since been through a divorce and would say having a child on school refusal can be much more stressful.
My advice to any parent would be to: follow you instinct; really listen to your child and think long term.
It might be better to have a child on home education, than having a teenager in school developing mental health issues.
There is actually a support organization called Education Otherwise, which you look up online.
My son trained to be a bricklayer and now runs his own successful building business.

There is some really helpful advice being put on here and I thank everyone so far who has contributed.
I agree, the term school phobia is more appropriate than school refusal. I have had my grandson the last two days - he has arrived upset after my daughter has driven him to school and he has been unable to get out the car at school. He has been dressed for school. I have passed a lot of information onto my daughter so a lot of things to consider. They have a meeting in school on Monday and hopefully a GP appointment during the week. I suspect we as a family will have to be very pro active in what we provide for him out of school as I know how educational resources are stretched to the limits.
Anyway I appreciate everyone’s input - all welcome

Sorry to hear about your GS Temas, I know one of my sons had a big wobble when he transitioned from top juniors, which was so different, it had an intimate family feel about it, only 2 classes in the year, the head knew all of them, my son absolutely loved year 6, going away to the Isle of Wight for a week and other memorable events. Year 7 in a senior school of 1000 pupils was very different, small fish in a great big pond which I think quite a few of them found unsettling, a definite shock to the system. Is there a counselling service in the school? such people are often quite good at getting to the bottom of what's troubling pupils.

I do hope you manage to sort things out and whatever is troubling your GS blows over.

We're going through this in our family. It's difficult to find appropriate help and waiting times are long. The school is unsupportive. There is a glimmer of light now thankfully. However in the meantime our family has been fined for keeping him off in spite of the school knowing the reasons why and the help we're receiving from our own efforts has had to be paid for.
There must be a reason for the increase in school refusals [the terminology used is certainly wrong] and talks of getting more professional help available is just that - talk! In the meantime our young people are really suffering

Look up Place2Be. They do counselling for school children.

School needs to step up.. Is there an older child who he could buddy up with to go into school and be with during break times. School phobia must he a common issue for the more sensitive child. It's a big and loud place that doesn't suit all children.

I think it’s quite sad that so many grandparents are calling this “school refusal “. It seems to me that it has become more of a fear than a refusal. I’m sure he would go if he felt able to. The other term, school phobia seems more appropriate.
Here’s another link which may help: www.nopanic.org.uk/childrens-anxieties-phobias/

see the school councillors.he needs a one to one teacher till he's ready to join the others. please have patience.

My advice would be to involve the school now and speak to his GP.

My cousin's child did this and they tried to make him go to school until he barricaded himself into the bedroom and attempted to hang himself. It was at this point that the mental health team got involved and found that, despite an almost perfect primary school experience, secondary school just caused him extreme anxiety. He was diagnosed with autism eventually and had to take his GCSE's, a year early after home schooling, at a college in a room on his own.

My friend’s granddaughter had terrible problems when she moved from her small primary to a huge comprehensive. She had just lost her beloved Aunty to cancer at a very young age and was very fragile anyway. On her first day at her new school, she got lost trying to find the right classroom and was late for the lesson and was put in detention. She is a very bright and sensitive child and this just pushed her over the edge. She refused to go back to the school and developed selective mutism. She would talk to her family, but not to anyone at school.Eventually, she went in to school for half days, but it wasn’t until she was transferred, after several years, to a small special school, which she really liked, that she was able to do a full timetable and has just taken a few GCSEs, but not as many as she would have done if she had been at the original school. What kind of teacher puts an 11 year old in detention on her first day at a huge new school?

I'm glad you've asked about this OP and its a sign of the times that you aren't inundated with people saying oh send him to school etc., because school refusal or school phobia is becoming epidemic. A virus can often be the trigger but not always.

My DD is 16 and has just left school but she didn't attend most of year 11 (only just managed GCSEs). She ended up with severe depression and we had an awful time with the school threatening prosecution - because ultimately at first you are just fighting with the school and dealing with the child's inability to attend, rather than finding out the causes. As it was for us she had to have medication and is under a psychiatrist. That sounds alarming but its pretty much run of the mill in most secondary schools She's had a long road but is now trying to get into college she's been very brave.

There's a group called Not Fine In School which has been an amazing source of support and information for me:

notfineinschool.org.uk

I also found a local support group and they were able to tell me every step I should take. There are all sorts of things your GS can access - Early Help, Health needs schooling, Independent Advice Service offices - I can't list it all here; but its finding out where everything is in your area that's a job in itself. The school won't normally give advice (not saying all schools are the same but just warning you). I'd also tell your DD to be careful about school counsellors; the one my DD had told her she had to turn up every day, go to her office and explain why she didn't want to go to school. The school then wondered why that didn't work but you have to remember they are teachers not mental health professionals so I'd always take their advice with a pinch of salt.

If you start googling there is a bewildering body of research and evidence etc around this, they reckon 000s of kids in the UK are out of school because of mental health problems at any one time and its often covered up. I'd hate to be a young person now, the pressure they are under is soul destroying.

BTW someone up thread recommended a highly regarded charity called Young Minds - definitely give them a call as they can make things a bit clearer, earlier on:

youngminds.org.uk

Good luck.

His form tutor needs to contacted asap. His Head of Year would be easier to get on the phone, but his tutor would know him better. They may have a school counsellor onsite.

Two things come to mind. Getting him his own private child counsellor might work wonders. His own confidential impartial person he can relate to UKCP or BACP registered. The other thing is when I moved abroad my daughter was off school 2 years. So I gave her Dorling Kindersley science, nature, geog, history encyclopaedias and she loved them. You can get them second hand on amazon . She did couple pages a day then had to explain main points to me in one page. I bought her any book she wanted. I had a huge world map on the wall and we would research countries. She’s now PhD in Geog. I had someone recently who’s daughter was off and I suggested duolingo on iPad for french and the girl loves it ! She’s learned more than at school ! I pray he is guided to get back on track and enjoy learning

Temas -
As an Ed Psych I often met children with this problem. And it was most common at the transition from primary to secondary school. So many big changes to get used to, and with a sensitive child it's often too much.
In those days there were special small units to start with - I don't think they exist now. Then gradually re-introduce him/her to school.
Plus quizqueen's ideas sometimes.
Maybe also try asking the GP for help?

Exactly the same thing happened with my grandson last year. At first the head teacher was not very sympathetic but eventually the education welfare officer became involved.
A package of support was put in place and my daughter paod for a few sessions privately with a child psychologist. It was mo ney well spent because it turned out he had been bottling lots of things up for a long time. He now goes in to school mostly no bother. Just the odd time when he needs encouragement but lets face it we all get like that at times. I hope things work out well for your grandson. Good luck. X

Might he be bullied when he gets to school? My son was, and begged me not to send him. He became withdrawn and I feared for his mental health - the headteacher regarded a kick in DS stomach as rough and tumble and did nothing to address the problem. In the end I took him out and sent him to another school.

There should be a Head of Year and many schools have counselling people who will help. There is also, in many schools, a ;buddy; system where an slightly older child will help him to settle in again. Your Daughter needs to enter the school and speak to someone before the Council starts issueing notices.