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Am I protecting my grandbaby or hurting her?

(6 Posts)
Lpena48 Wed 24-Jul-19 04:29:41

Hi everyone, I am new on here. I have had my granddaughter most of her life she is 4 yr old. I recently got legal custody of her due to the life choices my youngest daughter has made. The last time she seen her mother was in April and I had to make her leave because she was clearly under the influence. My daughter can only see my grandbaby when supervised and this is in my custody papers. My daughter has called recently through a video chat app but she is very verbally abusive when speaking to me and my grandbaby hears this. She wants to visit but I dont feel I can handle the abuse anymore nor do I want my grandbaby to hear it. I am looking into a supervised visitation facility where she would have to take a urine test and pass then she will have to pay hourly to visit her daughter but her and I would not see one another. I am worried about how this will affect my grandbaby. Also if there maybe another way or something I could try to make this where I didnt have to take her visitation to this extreme. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Starlady Wed 24-Jul-19 06:12:21

Bless you, Lpena, for being there for your darling GD! I'm sorry about your YDD (youngest dear daughter) and her apparent addiction, but your GD is lucky that she has you! I agree that you should not have to tolerate verbal abuse and that it is not good for GD to witness. It could damage her relationship w/ you and her ideas about how human relations are supposed to work. For these reasons, I also agree that having her mum's visits supervised by a third, impartial party would be beneficial for GD - and for you all.

I take it the urine test would be to avoid having her "under the influence" during those visits. Is that how these kind of facilities do things ordinarily? I have no idea, but I take it you do. I totally get the concern here.

Ive never heard of a place that makes a parent have to pay to see their child. And I'm not comfortable w/ that idea. But I definitely think you need to protect GD from her mum's addiction and abusive behavior.

Hopefully, someone w/ more knowledge of this kind of situation will soon chime in.

mumofmadboys Wed 24-Jul-19 06:16:25

Are you in the US? In the UK a supervised visit would be free. Is there someone else in the family who could be there and which would help keep the peace? Could you pay the fee for the visit? Is it likely she will pass the urine test? Because if she is unable to pass that then the visit won't happen and you are worrying unnecessarily. I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation and hope your DD can find the motivation and help needed to turn her life around.

BradfordLass72 Wed 24-Jul-19 09:46:24

Thank goodness your little darling has such a caring grandmother. Bless your heart. flowers
Would it be possible for your daughter to make a video to play to your grand-daughter? And of course you could do the same thing.

That might be an intermediate device to keep them in touch. The video, would naturally be viewed by you in advance of the little girl seeing it.

Unless your daughter gets treatment for her addiction, I truly believe she should not be allowed to be abusive in the baby's presence.

trisher Wed 24-Jul-19 10:16:35

Lpena48 you are walking such a difficult path. You have obviously done your best to keep a relationship between your DGD and her mum whilst caring full time for your GD. You deserve to be able to live peacefully and admitting you can't cope with your daughter's abuse isn't being weak it is simply taking care of yourself. Go for the supervised visit and step back. If your daughter doesn't comply with the regulations you will be abe to say to your GD that you always tried to keep contact. Good luck for the future your GD is so lucky to have you.

MovingOn2018 Wed 24-Jul-19 19:31:43

Do you have legal AND physical custody, or legal custody only? And is it temporary or permanent? Also, where's the child's father? Can't he/anyone else (yours/his family members) supervise visitation?

If she wants to visit with her child and your providing an avenue that she may not be able to overcome (paid visitation) the you're hurting your grandchild more than helping her, for she will ask questions when of age and will get the right answers.

You should be able to get unpaid supervision for visitation purposes, so as to enable your granddaughter to see her mother.