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10 month old grandson

(11 Posts)
chocolatelover Sun 15-Sep-19 09:48:18

Who after looking after him for 4 mornings a week for 2 weeks wont settle if i put him down or leave the room . He cries constantly. When is mum leaves him off he sobs for a long time . If we go out hes like a different child but as soon as we get in the house he starts to get upset . When his mum comes to collect him he cries when she picks him up . She says im the only one he does this with as he is with a childminder one morning a week and apparently he is ok with her? Having to deal with a cross baby and an over protective critical mother is hard to deal with.

BlueBelle Sun 15-Sep-19 10:10:33

Some babies are just criers it’s really tough but as he’s so young Id give him the attention he needs he’s obviously feeling insecure going between mum, you and the child minder
When she leaves him with you and he has separation anxiety how do you handle it do you get anxious too ? I d try and find something he likes to take his attention away from mum leaving and keep him so busy he doesn’t have time to miss her
Is she a critical mum or is she a bit anxious at leaving him crying ? If he settles for the childminder perhaps he’s been going to her longer or just ask the mum what the child minder does differently
Do you have issues with the mother that the baby picks up on
An over protective, critical mother doesn’t sound too loving

Septimia Sun 15-Sep-19 10:29:55

The first time our GD was left with us - admittedly in her own house - she cried. I cuddled her and whispered in her ear that she was always safe with us and that we love her, repeating it until she started to settle. Mind you, I don't know how much she actually understood but maybe the soothing tones relaxed us both. We've got on really well ever since.

For your GS, I'd suggest a cuddle and some soothing words - as you are no doubt already doing - followed by some special and enjoyable activity together.

Perhaps he's a bit scared if he doesn't know your home as well as the childminders or his own house. You could give him his own special corner or have adventures discovering your house, help him to feel more at home. Stay in sight of him until he is more confident, even if you go to the loo (you could leave the door ajar and sing to him!).

I'm sure he'll get used to it in time, especially if you can help him to enjoy the experience.

EllanVannin Sun 15-Sep-19 10:37:27

My eldest D was an over-protective mother as when my GC were small they wouldn't connect or stay with anyone, it was chronic. When I used to visit them in Oz try as I might to give her a break but they weren't having any and used to scream the place down if she nipped to the shops. I was mortified and many a time wanted to run out screaming, myself. D did childminding and the GC didn't like that because of the attention shown towards other children.

My 2 GS's are in their 30's---not married, no girlfriends, but my GD has a boyfriend, though is never far from her mother.

I feel for anyone who goes through this " nonsense !".

Luckygirl Sun 15-Sep-19 10:49:55

Separation anxiety is common at that age. The first time my GD was left with me she would not leave my lap, so I just sat and cuddled her for as long as it took. The over-protectie critical mother sounds like a nightmare!

trisher Sun 15-Sep-19 11:01:12

Childminder's houses tend to be full of toys and children so perhaps there is lots there to keep him occupied so he doesn't cry. I would ask his mum what she thinks the childminder does that you aren't doing. I didn't appreciate with my first DS how much other children interest babies. Has she done the comfort blanket/toy thing? My oldest GS had a toy with blanket attached which his mum kept close to her so it smelled like her and she left it with him.
Apart from that it's the pick up and carry everywhere situation. I dread to think how much of my life I have spent carrying a baby around, trying to do jobs one handed, making silly noises and singing

Doodledog Sun 15-Sep-19 11:14:08

In what was is your DIL overprotective? I don't think you can be too protective of a 10 month old baby.

It sounds like separation anxiety to me, too. At 10 months, he is probably learning to be more aware of who is there and who isn't, and it will be unsettling for him.

I know a chronic crier can be hard work, but as it's just for a couple of weeks, I agree that giving him the attention he obviously needs is the way forward. He must be unsettled, particularly if your routine/outlook is different from his mum's and the childminder's.

Sara65 Sun 15-Sep-19 11:24:22

We have a ten month old granddaughter, she’s the third child and the first to show any signs is separation anxiety, I have her one day a week, and she’s fine here, but breaks her heart when she’s dropped at nursery, but my daughter is quite sensible about it, just gives her a hug and goes.

I think you just have to take it slowly, gradually he’ll become used to being left with you, I don’t know your routine, but I always clear the day and just play with her, or take her out, it will get easier.

Summerlove Sun 15-Sep-19 12:37:50

Those sound like hard days.

Babies can be quite difficult. Has mum only just started back to work and this is a new routine for all of you?

I don’t see in your post how mum is over protective and critical, but even still, cut her some slack, at 10 months she’s likely only just learning to leave baby.

Try to start getting out with baby first thing to avoid the first fit.

Do you have a dog? Could that be upsetting him? Or does your house smell drastically different? It sounds ridiculous, but I know some children get unsettled in houses that use a lot of artificial scents (or baby might be used to them and your house doesn’t have them).

Good luck through this transition

ElaineI Sun 15-Sep-19 21:49:57

Some babies don't like being put down so maybe try to adapt how you manage - eg. sit down beside him to play and carry him about the house chatting to him rather than putting him down to play. It is difficult to wee with a baby on your knee - have much experience of this! Also making coffee/lunch can be a challenge. Have used highchair or buggy in kitchen sometimes. I wouldn't leave him in the room alone though in case he pulls something over. Once he is on the move he will follow you anyway. He is maybe just needy.

agnurse Sun 15-Sep-19 22:11:24

Separation anxiety is quite normal at that age. It doesn't mean his mum is being overprotective necessarily.

It can be helpful if she says good-bye and then leaves right away - making a big production is likely to upset him, and sneaking away could break his trust in her. Once she leaves, you can spend some time playing with him to help distract him and show him that there is someone there to care for him.