screen addiction breaking my heart

Hello. I hope you don’t mind me adding to this thread. I joined Gransnet to contribute to a competition for over 40s, however I am not a gran...

I have a son, aged 8, who is allowed 30 mins of iPad (mine, not his) and 30 mins of TV a day. I hear other parents saying how they can’t get their children off their screens which makes me cross. Of course they can...they just need to try harder.

It must be very hard for grandparents to see this but I agree that a grandparent’s role is different to that of a parent, which brings me to my point.

You might be grandparents, however you still have a child to parent even if that child is an adult. The message might be difficult for you to say and for them to hear, but parenting at any age isn’t easy.

Our GC's are 10 and 13- and very busy with lots of sport and activities... but yes, once they come one - each has their tablets, etc, and even one of those 3D helmet. Worries me and saddens me too.

I have several dgc. One is totally addicted to his games and I often say...that is enough and so far he accepts this. He's not happy about it but we work a deal.

One is aged 6 and has no tablet, his parents are holding off as long as possible. Also there is no tv. He is allowed a half hour of cartoons on dad's laptop daily.

Sometimes I think that I spend too much time on screens but tell myself that if it was a paper book there would be no issue. Also I look up stuff constantly, if this was a book, again no issue. I do NOT spend time on Facebook etc. Maybe I'm kidding myself.

A tablet is so useful with information at the touch of a finger.

Yes ….sadly a sign of the times ! I was on a bus yesterday when a father and his small (I would say around 9) got on ...screen in hand ...but then the dad started talking about the swimming from which they had just come ….and then the boy put down his screen and talked to his dad …...it was lovely to hear ...the dad was encouraging him as they were having a discussion about backstroke versus front crawl ...and the merits of Olympic swimmers ...the boy was really interested and I think the dad was sewing the seeds of possibilities …….has anyone tried this with, say, a tennis or football mad child …..good idea to start a conversation ...just lightly ….talking about, for instance, how David Beckham (or whoever the hero of the moment for a particular sport is !) started ...i.e. his.her career meant a lot of hard work playing sport and running, swimming, exercise etc …..and even those budding 'pop stars' had to learn to play their instruments, or have singing lessons (some of them need them in my opinion ...but I an ancient !) the message is that no one gets to be famous without putting in the effort which means putting down the screen and getting out of the house ...even a dog if it means it would get the child out walking ..and for which the child is responsible ….just a thought !

my house my rules and if necessary web router is disconnected. That helps. It does mean offering alternative entertainment - don't laugh but mine have suddenly got interested in jigsaws! But some things on tv are brilliant - they love the John Deere 'down on the farm' - so do I. Its not all bad but games are a no-no.

That's when you need to ban it AllTheLs. And let her howl with indignation if she has to.

We need to use these things to our own advantage.

Gonegirl, you are not alone.

I too am grateful when my grand-daughter spends (all her) time at the screen. Because I work from home (at the screen!) it means I'm not having to constantly find things for us to do.

I'm also grateful that her parents allow her to take the IPad to restaurants because then she's not moaning because she's bored, or winding her little sister up (which causes screams) to entertain herself.

However, I am sad that even when I don't have work on, she would prefer to play on her screen than do anything with me or her grandad. And I do moan about what I see as her addiction to it. And it does change her personality - she is much nicer on the occasions her parents ban her from it.

So hypocritical, I know, but there it is.

Our GSs know that there are certain times when iPads are not used but we started this very early. We play I spy, guess the famous person (usually footballers that i’ve never heard of), they enjoy drawing (admittedly designing football strips mainly). Quite often they suggest we play a game. They are both very sociable though as are their parents.

Tech gadgets have their place but sad to sometimes see families eating out and all focused on their iPhones with no communication between family members.

my GD, now 12, is limited to one hour a day on her mobile, her parents have set it up so after an hour the phone can only be used to make/accept calls or texts I think. Cannot use it to play games etc. She has always been limited, even when much younger she was allowed 1 hour TV per day and when she got interest in that Minecraft, again limited to 1 hour only. It is possible if the parents set limits

I'd add that I know a four-year old with a reading age of an eight year old. All from playing games on his tablet from Thomas the Tank Engine games to Minecraft. He has very little interest in books.
He has moreorless taught himself to read from instructions on computer games. His spelling is good too. His typing is almost as fast as mine although that's a low bar. Handwriting not great but he's just started school so I daresay that will pick up. His teacher is certainly impressed with his reading age.

He lives in a tiny rented flat with no garden and neighbours who are very complainy about the slightest noise so using his mum or dad's tablet from a young age was to avoid conflict with the neighbours who think the sound of a child playing is a personal and concerted attack on them.

We took our family out for Sunday lunch yesterday. The little ones brought their colouring books and crayons. They were very industrious doing pictures for everyone. Their mum, our daughter in law, commented how happy she was to see them not using screens. It's up to the parents to leave screens at home. It is a problem for every family and I dont have an answer.

My friend tells her daughter i will look afterxthe grandad child but all devices stay at home.

Ours are the same age and yes they love their screens but it is time limited and then we do something else. They know the rules. Parents also monitor their screen time. For sure it's an issue but at that age adults decide what happens!

My grandchildren know that screens are not used when visiting or on family occasions. If staying over they are allowed at certain times. They are all used to this (all under 12) and are happy drawing reading, playing in the garden etc but their parents have “screen rules” for when they are at home. If the present trend goes on the art of conversation will die!! Sorry to be a grouch but I hate seeing people in restaurants glued to their phones instead of chatting to their companions!

My mum did a lot of hand-wringing about me always having my nose in a book. If she took the book away I'd just read anything, like the ingredients on a jar of jam or whatever.
There was a moral panic in Victorian times about novels.
This is just a modern version of the same thing, I think.
Also children are prevented from just wandering off for the whole day unsupervised like kids were when I was young. I'd be packed off with a bottle of squash, sarnies and my siblings for the day and we'd be gone for hours.

Well said Gonegirl, I agree with you.

Sorry, but this is the parents fault for giving them the things in the first place without setting boundaries on time spent on them.
It's just rude that they are allowed to sit there on the things!
Not a lot that you can do without causing ructions !

A very distant relative of my DH - a young man of 21 - is so addicted to screens that he cannot hold down a job. It has obviously done something to his brain. When he was a child he was as bright as a button. It’s very frightening.

We're lucky that the DGD have set rules at home regarding screen time so although they want to play on their ipads when they come to us they will do other things. How long that'll last as they grow older I don't know.
The younger one (boy 7) is more addicted than his big sister.

It’s very difficult to resolve this. I tend to think that all generations have had their “thing” that parents/grandparents disapprove of. Remember micro mini skirts? Transistor radios under the bedding at night to listen to pirate radio stations? In some ways, because of the working environment, these sort of skills will be needed when they grow up and get jobs. I think it’s right though to have places when they are not allowed, e.g. at the dinner table. Earlier this year I took my two step-granddaughters to Edinburgh and I told them to leave their phones at home as they wouldn’t need them. Their father sneaked their phones into their backpacks. I was not amused!

Gonegirl is right. We do pussyfoot around. My 12-yr-old DGS is the same. When he comes to my house I allow 1 hour on his phone after school. It’s almost impossible though. Later on I make sure there’s something intelligent to watch on TV. I record wildlife programmes which he enjoys and he likes sport thankfully. When he’s with me for the day we go out whatever the weather-walks in the countryside or by the sea. I’ve tried to drum into him that the phone isn’t real life but it is so, so difficult. It’s a constant battle and I hate it. Parents allow it because it keeps them quiet. I wonder why a lot of these people ever had children.

My GC have their own ipads. If we are out they ask different members of the famiy if they can play on their phones - sometimes they have the ipads with them and they sit there like zombies. I could scream quite frankly. When they stay with us or are in our charge the rule is the ipads stay at home; luckily they haven't refused to come - I don't think parents would allow that anyway - and if they ask for games on phones we just say we haven't any. Quite how long we can maintain this stance I don't know; there is much to keep them occupied here but I am not smug about this - I dread your situation arising Mebster because as they get older....I'll try not to think about it right now as I have no solution other than hoping that ipads are found to cause rabies or something similar.

I agree the parents are in control overall and really must carefully limit screen time as it's so addictive. There have been cases of youngsters getting seriously overcome by their addiction.

However, I think grandparents can set their own rules when the children visit or stay over. My house, my rules! It requires careful planning of course, you want to avoid a screaming fit if possible. As others have said, keep them occupied in other ways, either going out or with indoor activities. Have plenty of games, colouring, crafts, whatever. If you can engage their interest with some kind of discussion or interesting true story that's good. Just try to keep them interested. Obviously outdoor activities are best when possible. Keep the screen time for when it's convenient for you, when cooking the dinner or whatever.

I might add that a good movie can always count as screen time, but not cartoons/animations. Mine watch old movies (with real people) when they're with me. There are so many to choose from. Think of the ones you loved as a child.

Am I the only rubbish granny who is eternally sometimes grateful for screens?

Be honest.

It’s just bad parenting to allow unlimited screen time. In DDs house ( and ours) we have a similar system to Daisys. They have a daily allowance and have choice over when they ‘spend’ it. It’s written down in a notebook and once it’s spent, it’s spent. They tend to postpone using it and then get so absorbed in everything else that they rarely use it all up by the end of the day.