Beloved granddaughter driving me mad

Little F is having a ball saying 'NO'. My main rule for clothes is that they have to be weather appropriate and safe for the activity, other than that it doesn't really matter. Don't keep giving her so many options. When food is on the table she eats at the table or she goes hungry. Spell out the consequences for bad behaviour. If she does X then there will be no Y. And stick to it.

Don't engage in endless discussions about the why's and wherefores of every decision, you'll wear out long before she does. And sometimes you just need to say 'we are doing this because I'm the grown up and I say so.'

PS. I've just had 4 grandchildren aged 5-10 staying for a week.

Exactly, NanaandGrampy and others are right.
Would you like to feed the ducks or play on the swings?
Which would you like to wear today, your blue or red jumper?
Would you like to do your teeth before or after you put your pyjamas on?
I hope it works for you!
Good luck!

Too many choices. Don't ask, tell little Flo what you're both going to do.

I agree with NanaandGrampy - I would suggest you don’t offer her open choices but give her a choice of X or Y where appropriate and no choice when you need her to do something. Star/ happy face charts are a good reward when she does something the first time you ask her, with her choice of reward at the end of the day if she gets say three stars/smiley faces or more during the day. I also find a hard stare and a firm “do not tell me no” can work quite well. They really seem to find their voices at four - good luck!

Spot on n&g, my oldest gd was just like op describes. My tack was along the lines of “We’re going out now, what do you want to put on first, your coat or your shoes?” My dil commented that after gd had been with me and was asked to do something by her mum her response would be “tell you what, mummy, lets do....”, apparently one of my stock phrases! But I feel for you lizbethann55 it’s full on looking after littlest ones they can be very hard work and there’s no respite. Hope it gets easier and you can enjoy it all a bit more.

You’re asking a 4 yr old open questions which give her the opportunity to say no . Why not offer her two choices of outfit - she can wear either but that’s all that’s on offer .

Same with meals - you can have this or this , and if she says no to both just say fine . No harm will come to her in the short term .

I just think she needs less choice.

At 4 you should be able to have a little talk with her when you are having a quiet moment. Tell her how happy it makes you feel when she cooperates with you, and how frustrated you are when she opposes.

I have found my grandchildren have really gone through a stubborn patch when they are 3, (and I have two of them at that stage!) but they really do respond to praise. My GS who is now 5 is such a good helper when he is visiting us, but boy-oh-boy he was a stinker when he was 3! He helps Grampa doing chores, and loves to set the table for dinner. I'm still working on his 3 yr old sister., but use lots of praise when she does something I have asked.

Lizbethan, it sounds like you need to change tact, star chart for saying yes? And a little treat when she gets 5 stars. She can see what it's doing to you saying no all the time. At age 4, they'll try your patience but you will easily regain control with a little clever reverse psychologyx

Are these your grandchildren's real names? Anyone who knows you could perhaps easily recognise you from this post.

Could your other daughter help you more?

I remember my children going through the "no" phase but it soon passed.