Beloved granddaughter driving me mad

P.D. If you find a week is too much, please let your DD (dear daughter) know. She may have to wait to do that till the kids are older.

Glad your week went well, after all, Liz. And think you were given a lot of good advice here. Sorry you didn't get to use it this time, but certain it will be helpful for the future.

Just one other thought... Please be sure you mean it if you do give her an open choice. After all, even a child has the right to say "no" if they are asked if they want to do something or not. For example, don't assume she'll jump at the chance to do something you think is fun for kids like feeding the ducks. If you ask, "Do you want to go feed the ducks," be prepared for the fact that she might not want to. If you really want to get the kids out of the house, just tell her "We're going to go feed the ducks now" or, as others have suggested, give her a choice of two activities.

Here's hoping your next visit goes more smoothly.

I agree about the choices but if you are doing the parenting role and not grandparenting you sometimes have to be more insistent. DGS aged 4 wouldn't put his shoes on when I was getting him ready for school. He took them off when I put them on and said he wouldn't wear them. He was very surprised to find himself outside the front door with me and his sister all ready and him in his socks. He sat on the step and put his shoes on.It was all done quietly but firmly.
If she tries"No" to dressing again you can always threaten to take her out in her jamas. The trick is to do it calmly and quietly without shouting or making a fuss. Sometimes it's the emotional reaction they' re after. But a hug and a "Well done" when they do comply helps as well.

Oh, Lizbethann, you missed a trick there, you could have used "Christmas Elf/Father Christmas" is watching - works wonders with my 5 year old granddaughter!

Say "We are going to see what the fairies left out for you to wear today I hope the fairies remembered they sometimes forget". Say "Dinosaurs get their hair brushed like this"

"The mouse came to see what 's for breakfast we better leave a little for the mouse if he likes toast or if he prefers a little egg on his plate"

"The ducks in the park need to tell us their names"

"One of the ducks in the park said her name is Betty Breadcrumb"

"I wonder what you will call the littlest duck"

"I bet you can't swim in your bath"

" What does a ballet dancer wear?"
"Big girl ballet dancers wear -----"

"May be you could wear my clip- on earrings with your parka/blue socks/fluffy jumper/ , better come and see the earrings "

"There might be two coloured feathers on your car seat or may be three coloured feathers"

Keep it playful and if there is a confrontation divert her attention to fairies, princesses, dinosaurs, bunny rabbit's fur, ponies, or whatever she is interested in.

It's a pity that all these helpful suggestions were offered but ignored. Let's hope someone else finds them useful and actually puts them in place.

Glad your week passed ok I agree with others no choices so asking who’s going to get their coat on first Can you beat me to the door bet your can’t get your shoes on as fast as me
Never ask ‘No’ is a fantastic word to a 4 year old, power at last ???

My daughter works in a nursery and told me they use "when and then" with the children, which seems to work

"When" you have put your coat on, "then" we can go outside.

Maybe that kind of technique would work with your granddaughter?

Spam post from bonbon88 reported.

I once read an article by a leading child psychologist, in which he stated that children under five do not have the mental ability to choose one thing from another. And that if they are offered a choice it makes them upset and distressed.

I found this to be true with my grandchildren.

Do you want to go the park or to the cinema?
Do you want to wear this dress or that dress?

As against ...

We're going to the park!
Put this pretty dress on!
Get in the car!

You could give it a try!

Thank you all for your advice. I am so new to all this that I have only just found your replies!!! How daft am I??? Our week passed fairly calmly, I think. But boy, was I exhausted!! Flo and Tommy are not their real names and my user name is taken from my mum and aunty. I think Flo has been playing up at home this week, probably "punishing" her mum for leaving her. We had a weekend away so I haven't seen them for a few days and I am really missing them!!

Your gc are just behaving like their age. Sassy 4 year old and cute 1 year old.

Kids need to be empowered from very young age to learn to make their own decisions.

I give my kids 2 options that I know they like and a time limit for executing something.
That way, I avoid tantrums and they help me with tasks they are able to do themselves.
By the third time I ask them to do the same thing, they do it much faster and I don't even have to ask them, they do it themselves

Also, please take breaks. Being in charge of kids 24/7 is exhausting.

Is she at school/playgroup.....something?

Routine, boundaries, less choice.

or a virus brewing.

Turn every question into a choice." Do you want to walk to the park or do you want to go on the bus?" "Are you going to wear your blue jumper or your red jumper?" " Do you want toast for breakfast or do you want cereal?" "When you have brushed your hair I will get your toast!" . And if she chooses neither of the choices, shrug your shoulders and say OK disinterestedly and walk away! And every time she chooses something say "Good choice!" or "Arent you clever for choosing your red jumper, good choice" ....and so on!!

Kids love a bit of competition too whose going to get there seatbelt on first you or me

I agree with the no choices - we are getting in the car etc - if no then - we are getting in the car now and if you don't you will be left here on your own. Start eating your breakfast please or I will count down from 5 and when I reach 1 it will go in the bin - you can follow through with that but not the car obviously. I find this works with DGS1 age 5 and is what Mummy does too. Does not work with his sister who is 2 ½ and probably too young.

As above less choice.

As for agreeing to a week ? I adore mine but 3days is enough

Don't ask her, or even give choices (I had/have a DD like Flo and given a choice she would manage to say no to both, just say. 'Time to get dressed and give her some clothes and expect her to out them on. If not, just dress her.

After my Fil died, my MiL came to stay for several weeks. When she left she turned to me and said. 'I used to think that you were a rather strict with DD, but now I have stayed with you and seen what she can be like, I understand.

Options not choices. Fun grandma can give choices, but this week you are in a parenting role, and must adapt to that.

Do not do a star chart- that will just make her parents lives harder

Is she perhaps feeling put out that she’s been left by her parents?

Most of this sounds very normal at that age.

Same advice from me.

Don't give choices.

Ignore her and just carry on with your chores. Children enjoy testing your patience and also enjoy leading you a merry dance but if you ignore her sooner or later she'll come to. She'll be annoyed that her parents have " gone without " her and it's her way of showing disapproval.
Don't get yourself in a tizz or you'll end up in a desperate heap.

No more than two choices - would you like the red jumper or blue jumper, cornflakes or weetabix etc.

"When you're dressed we'll go to the park" - and leave her to it.

Poor little thing is probably very cross that mum and dad have gone off to do exciting things and left her behind.

Yes, less choice.Also don’t say ‘will you get in the car’ instead say we are all getting in the car now etc.
Don’t give her the opportunity to choose the word no.
She is no doubt reacting to being left for a week by her parents, it’s a long time for a four year old.The two year old has no conception of time so doesn’t realise he is with you for a whole week.
Just be patient, and leave her on her own for a little, do jobs in another room or look after the little boy.She will come around in the end.

I agree with the others - less choice!

Also, some of the things you should be telling her to do. Not bossily, but firmly. 'Time to get in the car now', 'Hairbrushing time!' 'Time for bed'. Praise for compliance.

Of course she will still resist because she's been having fun doing that, but she'll eventually respond to the no-nonsense approach.

There will still be things where she'll have more choice and you can ask her what she woud like, but even then she'll find it easier to decide if the choice isn't too wide.

I will add one thing, praise her when she does something quite ordinary but acceptable.

'Good girl for eating all your toast!'
'You are a good girl for remembering to wash your hands after your wee-wee.'
'Well done Flo for playing nicely with your brother.'

And so on.

Children love being praised almost as much as they like wrapping Gran round their little fingers by saying 'no'