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Grandparenting

Visitors/Local Authority

(12 Posts)
CJD62 Sun 20-Oct-19 17:16:00

My Grandson ( 11 months old, born at 24 weeks & still on O2) has just been placed within my care via the courts, I have been approved as his Foster Carer & will be classed as a Kinship Carer. The LA have fought me every inch of the way, they are insisting that when he is placed permanently with me ( hopefully within the next couple of weeks ), I will not be allowed to see anyone for 2-3 weeks, as he might have " attachment issues ", previously they were concerned that my friends & family who are my support network via the Family Group Conference may bring in germs/infections. This is despite the fact that at his current Foster Carer there is a five year old son who has just started school & where there is no better toxic mixing place for infections than infants and her nephews/great nephews/nieces are able to come & go in her household with my Grandson being there. When I ask about the logic of the decision that surely he is at risk wherever he might be living & would it not be better to be gradually introduced to my support group within the confines of my home, where he will associate them with being safe. I am stonewalled & told I can't see anyone. Are the Local Authority, legally, or able to insist on who can visit my home, once he is placed with me ? I haven't even gone down the route of going grocery shopping ( I don't do online shopping ), although I did suggest that I tell my family/friends that they will have to place my birthday cards/presents outside the front door, as I am not allowed to see anyone ( my birthday is at the end of Nov). Sorry for the long ramble, any thoughts or advice ? Thank you

ineedamum Sun 20-Oct-19 17:18:58

It is amazing that you have been awarded care and I'm sure you deserve it.

I'm sorry I don't have the answers but just wish you good luck and perhaps try the CAB?

ineedamum Sun 20-Oct-19 17:20:20

A quick google has suggested:

www.fosterline.info/

GrannySomerset Sun 20-Oct-19 17:27:18

When my adopted grandchildren arrived some thirteen and twelve years ago their parent were told no visitors at all for at least two weeks to enable the new family to settle down and bond. With the second adoption this was impossible to achieve because No 1 child already had a routine and social life which involved other mums and toddlers.

No sure how enforceable such a ruling is anyway!

Buffybee Sun 20-Oct-19 17:30:52

Choose your battles! As they say!
The LA/Social workers have their own very rigid rules and love to enforce them.
Just go along with what they say, I certainly wouldn't cause waves about this or be flagged as awkward, it's only for 3 weeks as you say.
If you want family/friends round, ask them to use the back door and close the curtains and don't answer the door.
Beat them at their own silly little game. 😉
Btw! Congratulations on having your Grandson and good luck with it all.

BlueBelle Sun 20-Oct-19 17:50:08

Is two to three weeks a terrible inconvenience surely it’s for nothing compare to losing the child or putting backs up
Three weeks goes in a flash and you have him for his childhood and if that’s what they want I d not put any spokes in the wheel in fact I d follow all instructions whether I wanted to or not What’s to lose, a couple of weeks

Iam64 Sun 20-Oct-19 18:37:10

You say the l.a. fought you all the way. Does this mean that they wanted your grandson placed outside the family, say for adoption or was it their care plan that said he should live with you as a Kindship carer?
If the care plan approved was for him to live with you, that sounds as though the l.a. support you. You will have been approved by its Foster Panel so you're in a strong position. You'll be given the same financial and practical support as any other foster carer. That includes advice on how best to help your grandson settle into his permanent home with you.

I don't know what the concerns about attachment are but as GrannySomerset says, there are often worries that if the new home is very busy in the early weeks, the little one won't have the quiet time needed to for strong bonds and attachments to form. You'll be off to a head start on that because you and your grandson will have been spending time together already
I do hope it all goes well for you.

agnurse Sun 20-Oct-19 18:45:00

Moving house, especially away from parents, is very hard on a child. They absolutely do need time to settle in and adjust. Having a pile of friends and family in to visit at that time could absolutely be very unsettling for a child.

The L.A. is trying to do the best they can for this child. You are as well. Anyone else's situation is, quite frankly, not your concern - there may be additional issues in that case of which you are not aware. You don't know all the details. All you can do is focus on the child coming to live with you, and trying to make that transition as smooth as possible.

glammanana Sun 20-Oct-19 19:02:04

I have to agree with everyone that 3 weeks is nothing compared to putting up the backs of the authorities and causing problems you could do without at this vital stage.
Surely your family will understand this and wait to be introduced to this little person.

onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 19:16:25

I honestly wouldn't rock the boat. If you've had to fight so hard for him, the last thing you need is to get their backs up, however unreasonable and inconvenient their rule might be.

At least these days you can skype people, message etc. So you won't be quite so isolated.

SueDonim Sun 20-Oct-19 21:36:53

I'd just go along with what the LA says. It's not worth risking losing your GS for the sake of being isolated for a couple of weeks.

Are you permitted visitors when he's in bed?

grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 21:57:53

Your frustration and maybe even resentment are understandable in view of what you see as the unfairness of you having to limit your visitors when it seems the foster carer did not.

However, as the grandparent of an extremely premature grandchild and as a former social worker who worked in adoption I have to say that I believe the social workers are simply acting, as they are required by law to do, in the best interests of the child - as they see it. There is now a substantial body of research about extremely premature babies and potential problems they may have with bonding. Most SWs worth his/her salt will have done their homework on this in order to understand the issues. (I did my own research on this when my granddaughter was born.)

Three weeks is no time at all to set up a new routine and get to really know your little grandson and your friends are always going to be available to you on the phone during that time if you feel in need of a bit of support. Try to let go of your frustration and accept, if you can, that you and the SWs both want what's best for baby - even if you maybe won't always agree on what that is.

I applaud your commitment to your little grandson and wish you joy as you welcome him into your family life.