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Sad that we're being excluded from the happy times

(9 Posts)
Mebster Thu 31-Oct-19 03:56:32

Our grandson who has leukemia has been doing better. After months of living in hospital with him/three months out of town in rehab, it seems like we're no longer wanted. Mom won't let us go to local rehab, though were still asked to babysit on weekends. Not included in birthday celebration or plans for trip to Disney (we would pay our own way, stay separately). I just feel like we've been through all the sadness and are now missing the joy we would so love to see but I'm not pushing, just sad.

annep1 Thu 31-Oct-19 04:57:53

I'm glad your grandson is doing better Mebster. I know you've spent a lot of time helping. Perhaps you could tell your daughter how you feel and ask why you can't go to the rehab.
I can understand them wanting a holiday alone but to not include you in even birthday celebrations must be hurtful. You need to talk. And now that you're not needed so much perhaps you could reconnect with friends and enjoy some leisure time.

crystaltipps Thu 31-Oct-19 05:07:55

It’s hard to think positively when you are feeling sad, but the little lad is doing well and that’s partly down to you being there for him in that stressful time. Perhaps mum and Dad want to do some things together as a small unit like they may have done before. Perhaps they wish to concentrate on their own relationship with their child, which will have been under such pressure during his illness. Perhaps they are unaware of your feelings. Have you spoken to your son about how you feel? The child is the important person in this and it’s great that he can enjoy life so much more. I am sure you are pleased for him and his parents.

BradfordLass72 Thu 31-Oct-19 06:35:54

I'm grateful you've come baack with an update Mebster as I have often wondered how your grandson was. So glad to hear he's doing well.
You are wise not to push but as others have said, it's worth mentioning, next time your daughter asks you to babysit, how hurt you feel about being excluded when you love the boy so much.

Maybe, having almost lost him, they feel they want to keep him all to themselves at the moment - but I bet your grandson doesn't feel like that when you have been so close during his very bad times.

I hope the situation eases. flowers

Sara65 Thu 31-Oct-19 07:06:18

It does sound harsh, maybe as others have already said, having nearly lost him, they really want to spend time as a family.

But it seems strange after the months you’ve spent supporting them, that they seem to want to exclude you.

I wouldn’t say anything at the moment, don’t spoil their joy and relief, but maybe next time they ask you to babysit, say just say as they are resuming their lives, so are you, and you need a break after the last three months.

This is probably just their way of trying to get back to normal, and all their focus will be on their boy, and maybe they think that after all your help, they’re releasing you from duty, who knows, but I think you’re right to keep quiet.

Mebster Sun 03-Nov-19 02:29:01

Thanks for your good counsel. I just long to see him laugh and really have a good time. I'm just having a bit of a hard time adjusting to not being with him as much but I guess that's normal after six months of daily contact.

Doodle Sun 03-Nov-19 02:31:52

So glad your grandson is doing better. You helped them so much.

Hithere Sun 03-Nov-19 02:48:11

What is happier than seeing your gc recover and you helping him get there?

That, for me, would be more important than anything else, him knowing you were there for him, in his worst moments

Let your dd, dh and kids recover a sense of family normalcy and routine.
You have been there 24/7 and you said yourself it was not sustainable.

So happy to hear your gc has recovered!

Philippa60 Sun 03-Nov-19 09:29:48

This resonates for me and I shared a post a while back about that feeling of not being so needed and involved with the GCs and how hard it is to re-adjust.
With us it was not due to a child's illness - I am so sorry to hear of what you've been through and so pleased for you that he's doing well.
I do think there are parallels though - with us it was due to DD's illness and marriage problems.
I was feeling bereft at being excluded after I'd been so involved on a daily basis. The advice I received here was wonderful and really helped me, many of the people posting on this thread have echoed the same message, namely being happy the family have got through the tough times, feeling happy that you were able to help them through it, and taking a big step back and allowing them to re-build as a family.
But it IS hard and can be hurtful, even though I am sure your daughter does not mean to hurt you.
Sometimes I look back and try and remember how I felt about my parents when I was her age and with my own young kids and I am embarassed to recall how little I even considered my parents feelings at all....