Ten year old granddaughter diagnosed with autism.

A friend has an ASD son. She highly recommended "freaks geeks and aspergers syndrome"

Sorry I know nothing about autism. Just wanted to say what lovely caring GP’s you are. Hope you can find the info you need.

I am happy to see this discussion. Our ASD grandchild is very gifted academically and parents hoped that would get her through despite all the social and behavioral problems with eating, sleeping, making friends, depression, meltdowns, etc. But the transition to university has been disastrous and she is now back home and very hard to help. Parents regret they did not seek social interventions and programs when she was younger. Very tough for family now to find support.

As a mother of an autistic son l would say the best thing you can do is to be there to support your family. The best advice l was ever given was the phrase:"it's the rule" when there is something he has to do and he is balking at it. It's a good phrase because it is saying that it is universal and not just "getting" at him.

I very much support what you say. I work with people who are neurodiverse and very often named conditions overlap with each other , so a profile is very much an individual one. It's also important that the person develops an understanding and is able to communicate what works for them and what doesn't and that they then develop strategies to address the challenges.

Book series

My grandson has not long been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I guess I knew from very early on as I worked with people on the spectrum for 25 years. My DD paid for the assessment as he was only 7 and in her area there is a massive waiting list. The assessment would not have been offered for another 4 years.
There is a good book for the little one and classmates 'The Abilities in Me....Autism' it is one of a series of books for children who have different abilities.
My DGS is very open about his autism and proudly explains to anyone who will listen how his brain is wired differently. How it takes longer for him to process things. He is relieved to know why he is 'different'. I'm so proud of him.

We already had one child in the family who had a late diagnosis of ADHD and this last couple of days we've come to learn that another 3 are having to be fast-tracked from their mainstream school to a specialist school. A shock and a devastating outcome for all of us.

I knew their behaviour was " off the scale " at times but had no idea that it would come to this. I'd made allowances for the trauma's that they'd suffered but difficulties in their behaviours, etc . make it impossible to get through a day in the normal fashion. No wonder my GD has depression !

I remember having sympathy when it was in the news that the 3 children of Paddy McGuinness ( comedian ) and his wife Christine all had ADHD or autism as I thought to myself poor things having their 3 children with problems and now my GD has 4 ! What a bind.

Hi Stella, another vote for The reason I jump. I have a nephew who is on the spectrum and found it really helpful to get some understanding.

Support the parents as much as you can by giving them a break every now and again. It can be exhausting having to do the extra work. Not grudgingly...just exhausting. You sound so lovely and caring.

I have an adult son with ASD. He is very articulate and intelligent but incapable of leading a normal life. So try not to have high expectations. Never say ‘but all girls do/are like that.’ One of the most frustrating things I experienced was people expecting him to conform if he had extra help. Focus on her mental health and take her lead. Don’t push her beyond what she is comfortable with because it will cause anxiety and may have a negative impact. Don’t expect her to join in but try to show an interest in her obsession - there usually is one. The relationship may be a giving one way thing but to see her happy will be a joy.

My 6 year old GS was diagnosed with high functioning autism last year and I had some great advise from other GN's with similar stories. The last time we saw him was 2 years ago (they live abroad) before diagnosis and it definitely made sense of his odd behaviour, obsessions, melt downs etc. He is a funny, lovable and extremely intelligent little boy who we are looking forward to getting to know more when they come to stay again at Christmas.

Please don't worry too much about your GD - although she may face some challenges ahead she will very probably go on to do great things. I found out a couple of weeks ago when talking to a relative that her 22 year old brother has Aspergers - she said unless you knew you'd never realise. He has a good job in IT, a partner and a baby on the way.

Gather as much information as you can and enjoy your special GD for the little person she is.

My DGC all have autism spectrum disorders. My granddaughter was diagnosed with high functioning autism early this year, she is 12. My daughter was also diagnosed as being autistic at the same time.
Her behaviour, and idiosyncratic ways while growing up make sense now.
As others have said, learn all you can about it. My granddaughter and her three brothers are all different and all delightful, (except when in a destructive meltdown). I love them all dearly.

My DGD was not diagnosed till the age of 13 - lots of things now make a bit more sense. Sadly she is making very heavy weather of adolescence and is quite an unhappy young lady. It is a big worry to us all.

Welcome to the wonderful world of loving someone on the spectrum. I have a wonderful DIL and an amazing DGS who both have autism. Yes there are challenges but many more joys - enjoy every moment !!

stella you and your family are truly lucky as many autistic girls are not diagnosed until later in life. You can , now you have the insight, help and support your beloved DD. As others have said read lots, listen lots, and most importantly give her lots of love and understanding. My GD 1 is a high achiever. She had lots of problems in junior school. Now she has a wonderful group of friends and is doing extremely well at school . So I hope all goes well for all of you .

Think about her transition to secondary school as that will be a great change. Will she do OK in a mainstream secondary school without support ,is there a school with an autistic unit near or would she thrive better in some type of special school ?Investigate all these possibilities with her parents. You may not make the right choice but you will have done your best for her .My DD had this dilemma a couple of years ago. Her friend has a daughter with autism and my DD has a son with the same. The friend opted for a special school some miles away and my DGS goes to a mainstream school with a unit and support. They are both doing well. She is in a protected environment and has socially integrated. He finds social interaction more difficult because he has specific interests which do not include football but he is doing the national curriculum which hopefully will stand him in good stead for later. Visit a variety of establishments before you make your choice.

stella it makes such a difference when you know why these sometimes seemingly odd behaviours occur. The life of an autistic child can be lonely and frightening. The more people who show unconditional love to the child the better.

Thank you both for your answers. I'll certainly get the book you recommended , Doodle , and will read the website too. Everything we learn will be helpful in the future. In a way this is a relief - so many things seemed "odd" in her behaviours but we didn't know what was the reason. Now at least we know, and can move forward, armed with some knowledge.

Yes, all that Doodle has said.
The more you read, the better you can help her, plus be yourself around her and love her, she is the same girl that she always was.
My DGS when younger, hated any transitions i.e. ‘time to stop playing’ ‘time to go to nursery’ etc and suffered from anxiety all the time.Meltdowns were many and frequent.
A teenager now and things are much better than they were, but understanding the autistic viewpoint is key.

Hi Stella you will find that there are many of us on GN with children and grandchildren on the spectrum. I am so pleased you are looking for help and advice because that means you will be able to support and help your daughter and her family. Websites, obviously the National Autistic Society is a good one. As for books, please, please read a book called The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida. I cannot recommend it enough. It is written by an autistic boy (the fact it is not a girl does not matter) and whilst not all of it may be applicable, it gives a good insight into how someone with autism can feel about the world around them.
Another useful thing to remember about autism is the saying “if you know one autistic child, you know One autistic child”. In other words each child is different and they do not all suffer from the same things.
Your DGD is lucky that she has you looking out for her. My DGS is autistic and we love him to bits. I wish we had known earlier the cause of many of his difficulties so that we could have helped him earlier. Be very tolerant. Read as much as you can, you will be amazed at some of the problems autistic children can have. Inability to tolerate the touch of clothes or certain fabrics, terrible car sickness, difficulty sleeping, problems with noise, a desire for order and structure in their lives. We didn’t realise for a while that our DGS hated change of any kind. If there was a plan to do something and it had to be changed for some unavoidable reason he had a complete meltdown. For some time we took this to be that he was showing off or being unreasonable. Only when we began to read up about it and realise that his mind was totally unable (at that time) to cope with quick changes did we realise he could not help his behaviour and changes had to be explained slowly and with understanding. That the meltdowns were not spoilt behaviour or showing off but a young mind tormented with an overload of information it could not cope with. I do wish your DGD and family well. You are off to a good start.