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Separation anxiety

(8 Posts)
britgran Wed 20-Nov-19 09:18:11

I have six beautiful GDs just lately the youngest has become very clingy with her Mummy, when my DIL left her with us today she was hysterical , screaming over and over ' I want my Mummy ' I've spoken to my DIL and she's doing this whenever she leaves her, at nursery or with her other Grandparents, she's 3 yes old and is getting so distressed, this morning I tried distracting her , then ignoring her screaming, she did eventually calm down with a lot of cajoling, has anybody had to deal with this problem and can advise me how to deal with it,

Hetty58 Wed 20-Nov-19 09:47:35

One of my granddaughters was like that, but at about a year old. There was absolutely no consoling her, in fact, she angrily pushed me away. I tried everything, took her out in the pushchair, tried to rock her to sleep etc. Her older brother and sister tried everything too. Eventually, I had to give up as she wouldn't eat or drink at all. I thought that she must be ill.

My daughter had to rush back from the wedding she was bridesmaid for, a two hour drive. As soon as she arrived, GD was smiling, laughing, drinking and eating!

What worked for us (experts may say it's all wrong) was to cut out the goodbyes. My daughter would sneak out, and when she noticed I'd just say 'Its' OK, she'll be back in a minute' and ignore her protests. I'd carry on as normal. My daughter always leaves her handbag here - very important, it seems! We did five minutes, then ten, twenty etc. of absences that way. Now that she's nearly three, she accepts the situation, although still not exactly happy about it, she no longer cries!

BradfordLass72 Thu 21-Nov-19 06:32:08

I was going to suggest exactly what Hetty says.

When I was working with children at a nursery school, we encouraged Mums to bring the favourite toy and/or comfort blankets.
In those days, dosing them with Calpol (Mums not me) seemed to be popular - can't imagine doing that now.

Then when I was a Mum, my son used to do exactly what your gd does britgran and my Mother used to get quite cross about it, more because she felt it was a slur on her care grin.

So we did what Hetty suggests. I'd go out of the room, saying 'Back in a minute' and come back in a minute.

He cried sometimes and tried to run after me but eventually, when he learned I did come back, he stopped it.

Incidentally, if he was the one leaving, maybe to play with a friend - not a tear in sight! Little beggar.

annep1 Thu 21-Nov-19 23:08:23

That sounds like such a good way to cope Hetty - increasing the time gradually, and leaving her bag.
I hope you get it solved Britgran. Poor little child. My grandson was very clingy with his mum for a long time.

MissAdventure Thu 21-Nov-19 23:18:43

Its a normal stage, I think for some children (maybe all? I don't know as I just had the one)

I lost count of the times I had to come out of the toilet half way through because my daughter was hysterical outside the door. grin

B9exchange Thu 21-Nov-19 23:59:45

I would certainly make the goodbyes quick, just a quick kiss and walk out the door, if you prolong it you make them think there is something to be worried about. But I would never deceive a child pretending Mummy is just in the next room, they need to know it is safe to be left, and that she will come back later in the day, but for now you will see to their every need. You will have problems getting them to trust you later if you effectively lie to them about where Mummy is. You can say 'Mummy will be back later, she knows I can look after you'.

I find quick goodbyes, taking the child in your arms if clinging to mum and walking into another room is far kinder, and the fussing will stop much more quickly.

britgran Mon 25-Nov-19 17:39:33

Thank you everybody for taking the time to reply, Scarlett used to sleepover quite happily but suddenly she wants to stay at home , she's so funny she says to her Mummy pointing at me 'I don't like her ' smile I don't worry I know she loves us, I hope she grows out of this stage soon, more for her Mummy as I'm sure it upsets her flowers

agnurse Mon 25-Nov-19 20:50:45

Generally the recommendation is that you make the good-bye formal but quick - don't sneak out, and don't make a big deal out of saying good-bye. Then, attempt to distract them afterwards by doing something else.