I don’t want to make things worse but feel I must do something.
My son and ex DIL were divorced 5 years ago when the children were 8 and 5. DIL had an affair and decided she wanted to divorce my son and be with the new man. It was exceptionally acrimonious because there was a fight about family money which had been loaned to them under a deed of trust. DIL egged on by her controlling father took my son and my husband and I to court to try and get as much as she could. She ran up huge legal bills which cost her over £100k. She ended up getting the majority of their marital pot but none of the loan which had to be paid back. My son ended up with little from the marital pot as often happens and so we had to help him start again. It was a very stressful time and my son and I ended up ill as a result of the 3 year court nightmare.
My son eventually was able to see the
children every second weekend, a day during the week and half the holidays. He has a fabulous relationship with his children and they have their own rooms with him and his new partner. The man his ex went off with has now left her, so she is on her own at the moment. But she is so angry. Not sure why. She didn’t get the amount her father tried to get her? This was our family money, not the marital pot! She has regrets? Anyhow she hasn’t spoken to my son or us since the court case.
Communications with my son are via email. She was always the Boss, a real controller. And there is no reasoning with her. My son treads a fine line to try and avoid making the children piggy in the middle.
However now the children are getting older, they are acutely aware of the atmosphere and they are having to try and tread a careful path to avoid a reaction from their mother. They can’t say they had a nice time at dads for instance.
As a grandmother, I would like to ease the path for my grandchildren if I can.
How can I make a tentative approach to ex DIL to try and break the deadlock?
Can she see how damaging this is for the children?
A card? A letter? An invitation?
I really would appreciate advice.
Pythagorus Sat 28-Dec-19 13:43:41
aggie Sat 28-Dec-19 14:02:31
GagaJo Sat 28-Dec-19 14:11:01
Grannytomany Sat 28-Dec-19 14:24:06
wildswan16 Sat 28-Dec-19 14:33:17
Sara65 Sat 28-Dec-19 14:43:59
vena11 Sat 28-Dec-19 14:53:25
Pythagorus Sat 28-Dec-19 15:00:52
Grannyben Sat 28-Dec-19 15:03:12
notanan2 Sat 28-Dec-19 15:09:39
Starblaze Sat 28-Dec-19 15:21:42
Pythagorus Sat 28-Dec-19 18:33:39
SalsaQueen Sat 28-Dec-19 18:52:22
Tedber Sat 28-Dec-19 20:18:32
Namsnanny Sat 28-Dec-19 20:32:30
Tangerine Sat 28-Dec-19 23:35:37
Pythagorus Sun 29-Dec-19 17:21:25
Hetty58 Sun 29-Dec-19 17:31:55
endlessstrife Sun 29-Dec-19 18:47:40
Starlady Sun 29-Dec-19 21:11:53
agnurse Mon 30-Dec-19 02:39:24