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Grandparenting

First time grandparents sick baby

(17 Posts)
primy Sun 02-Feb-20 09:39:12

Hi we are first time grandparents of our daughters son its wonderful and love the joy he brings. The thing is while pregnant we found out he was to be born with a defect of hi heart so its been a hard journey. Now he is here he has had a pace maker fitted and needs regular hospital appointment . We are very close to our daughter so we are the first call when she needs help or reassurance which i find ok with just i am getting very anxious about how she is coping with all of it and also the effect it has on us too. i dont and cant let her know how we feel as i dont want her to feel she cant turn to us. anyone in a similar situation

SirChenjin Sun 02-Feb-20 09:56:01

My eldest son has a heart defect - he’s 22 now and had heart surgery when he was two which was incredibly stressful for us. He has check ups now and will probably need further surgery at some point.

While every family is different I found that it wasn’t really acknowledged or talked about by his grandparents and it would have been nice if they had said that they were always there for us if we were scared. Perhaps they didn’t want to talk about it for fear of upsetting me.

BlueBelle Sun 02-Feb-20 10:07:08

Congratulations on your little grandson
Please don’t let your anxieties flood over to your daughter or her baby There is such wonderful work done now with hearts and as they knew about it before all will be in place to treat him accordingly
Have full confidence in the specialist and in your daughter and son in law
My friends baby was born with some very severe medical problems which seemed all encompassing (not heart) they decided from the start that he would be treated just like any other baby, no special treatment (other than whatever medical treatment he needed) no kid gloves they were incredibly brave I’m not sure I could’ve done it but he is such a happy healthy baby although he’s had to have a few interventions during his first year (which he takes totally in his stride) but he’s come on in leaps and bounds and does everything the same as all the other kids his age and more, he is a real fighter and has amazed them and the doctors with his progress and his ever cheerful personality
Good luck don’t limit your little man with your worries

Bibbity Sun 02-Feb-20 10:12:43

I can’t imagine how stressful this must be for you. Not only worrying about your brand new grandson but also your baby.
I doubt the worry for your children ends when they become adults.

I’ve not been in your situation. But you are absolutely doing the right thing by finding a sounding board. You can’t bottle up your worries and stress or you risk your health. I really do hope everything is resolved soon and you all get to enjoy the wonderful new addition.

JuliaM Sun 02-Feb-20 11:19:55

I have a little great grandson who was born with major congenital heart defects where everything was connected in a back to front configuration and the oxygenated blood from his lungs was flowing straight back to his heart, leaving deoxygenated blood to continue to circulate his body. He was born by planned C-section with a team at the Groby road Leicester Cardiac unit on standby to take him straight to theatre for surgery to correct these defects which lasted for 9hours. He then spent a week in their paediatric intensive care unit before being transferred to a ward where he remained and received further treatment via medication and physiotherapy until he was 6 weeks old, when he was finally allowed home. He’s now a fairly healthy one year old who’s developing like any other baby of his age should be, he’s active, trying to walk, and has real character. Apart from his scaring, the need to take daily medication, and the regular check ups as he grows up, and maybe a couple of operations later in childhood to allow for growth, he’s fine. If you met him out in the street, or at any playgroup without first being told his history you simply would not know any difference between him and any other baby the same age.
Yes, it’s very scary at first, and it’s only natural to worry, if you are finding it difficult to cope with as a family, speak to the little ones health visitor, she may be able to put you in touch with support groups in your local area, or talk to your GP, who could refer you for some counselling help for yourself.

Urmstongran Sun 02-Feb-20 11:36:00

What a lovely safety net you are for your daughter. All the best to you going forward. x

Starlady Sun 02-Feb-20 16:46:03

Congratulations on your new grandbaby., primy! So sorry about his heart defect, but so glad that, w/ modern science, doctors are able to help.

How kind and loving of you and DH (dear husband) to be there for DD (dear daughter). I get that you're worried about her, but no doubt, it helps her to be able to turn to you. Kudos, also, for not sharing your own concerns w/ her! IMO, it was wise of you to come here instead. And I hope you continue to vent here, if need be, rather than voicing your fears to her.

Best to all of you moving forward!

harrigran Mon 03-Feb-20 23:55:02

Congratulations on your grandson. Modern medicine is very clever and they are very good at treating heart conditions.
Our friend's baby was born with the left side of her heart missing, she has had several operations and is thriving she will be 19 in a few weeks time and will be going into further education in the autumn.

welbeck Tue 04-Feb-20 00:26:51

maybe you could ask PALS or the hospital social worker if there are any support groups for family of babies/children with these kind of issues.
good luck.

primy Tue 04-Feb-20 11:39:44

Thank you every one he has had to go back into hospital recently as had a build up of fluid around his heart. The have drained this and he is now back home . This time they were given more information on discharge so given reassurance and know what to look for and when to be concerned. He is not on meds at moment will need reg heart scans to make sure it not build up again. I feel that my daughter and husband are coping very well and i try to not pass any of my anxiety on i have good friends and work colleagues to voice it with which helps. Its just hard seeing them going through this with their first child and after such a problem pregnancy too.

SirChenjin Tue 04-Feb-20 17:56:35

It must be very difficult to see them go through that and not be able to do anything to make it better for them. The great thing is that his condition was spotted and he's now getting treatment and check ups, so if anything does crop up they'll catch it early on. You'll never stop worrying though, I'm sure - and it's OK to admit that to them in conversation smile

Starlady Fri 07-Feb-20 07:12:03

Thanks for the update, primy! So sorry GS and his parents (and you and DH) have to face this, but glad there is so much they can do today. I'm glad you have friends and colleagues IRL (in real life) to vent to, as well as us.

It sounds as if DD is a single mum, is that the case, primy? Then all the more reason she is lucky to have you!

BlueBelle Fri 07-Feb-20 08:55:49

So glad you are all coping Well done fingers crossed for a smooth future
starlady poster talks of daughter and husband 😊

primy Sat 08-Feb-20 08:29:44

Little one is back in hospital as fluid returned and also high potassium levels in blood . This could b due to meds he been put on the mystery but i suppose good part is he shows no ill effect with all this in fact he looks the perfect baby. Yes dad is part of the family and we support both of them his parents live abroad. They have come back at moment to help support too. DD broke yesterday so is being referred to a psychology support team .

primy Sat 08-Feb-20 15:19:07

My DD blames herself for him going through all this i try my best to tell her she hast not to do that and no one else thinks that xxxxxxx

SirChenjin Sat 08-Feb-20 15:24:18

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that primy, you all must be exhausted with the worry of it all. It’s good that your DD is getting support and I hope he’s better soon flowers

primy Mon 17-Feb-20 10:36:46

Well grandson been discharged but still back and forth for tests. Its so very hard holding it together sometimes for them. But i know i have to. It just all the unknown and how life is going to b for him. He does keep giving smiles And giggles all which are so reassuring.