Not seeing grandson is like a bereavement

I totally understand about the feeling of "bereavement," lovemabub. To my knowledge, people often go through the same stages of grief when they lose or feel they've lost a relationship as when they've actually lost a person to death. It seems to me you know it's not death, that's why you said "living bereavement." But, no doubt, one can still sense a void.

IMO, posters here having given you very good ideas. And I'm glad you've decided to rethink your attitude and are making plans to alleviate the problem. Best to you, moving forward!

Ah, I understand now. That loss of purpose and not knowing who you are any more. I see why you used the term bereavement.

All credit to you for thinking positively and looking forward to the future,

Good luck ?

Great news! Thinking positively and to the future ??

Feel

I typed feel not deal!!

Well done, lovemabub
Making some positive plans will help you deal better.
Would you ever think of emigrating? Or do you have family here too?

Ah, that’s good to hear, Lovemabub. Making plans for the future is always a good thing to do, in my book, anyway.

Thank you everyone for your comments. My husband died when our own three children were small so I know what bereavement feels like and that's why I used the word - the separation from my grandson feels very similar to that grieving process.

Your responses have helped put things in perspective for me. He is alive and well and happy! I talked to him this morning. And I've decided it's no good sitting here moping. Life is too short and I miss him too much. In the year I was with him I felt my purpose in life was to be his granny and that's partly why I'm so lost without him. I'm going to go over and rent a place nearby for a few months at a time - perhaps even longer! The bereavement I feel is only due to separation and I can change that.

In the spirit of being tolerant, please all understand that people are so different.

Some people would need sympathy and reassurance at a time like this, and that would help them.

Some people would need these more harsh seeming words to help them see their is a whole other way of framing this, and that would help them.

Hopefully the OP will take the posts that are helpful to her personally, and not take so much notice of the others.

I'm sure we all wish her well

Perhaps posting on here is helping getting her feelings Into perspective?
Maybe just sympathising is all it takes?

Doesn't a friendly welcome hold as much chance of assistance as a finger wagging?

The divide seems to centre on one word, or more importantly the wrong use of that word.

The op did say 'it is like a living bereavement'
She has tried to being clarification to the description of her feelings.

There is no indication that the OP intended any offence to those of us who are smarting under the immovable fact that death means living with no tomorrows with our loved one.

lovemabub

Two of my GC also live thousands of miles away. The way I see it, I’m thankful they’re in this world and I hope to god I am never bereaved of child or GC.

We can’t help our feelings but we can look at our reactions and get them into perspective.

I find it hard too, sometimes I long for a hug from DGC, but it is not like a bereavement.

It's good that you are skyping a few times a week lovemabub as that regular contact, together with the amount of time you spent with your GS in the first year of his life will help to maintain your relationship with him as he grows.

We have friends whose 3 GC live in Aus. and they were able to create a relationship with the youngest, before they ever got to meet him in person.

You're doing the right thing trying to keep busy. Hopefully it wont be too long before you can go back and spend some time with your D and her family.

Just think how great those cuddles will be.

I agree completely that "bereavement" is very much the wrong word to have used in the thread title.

Nonetheless, I accept that the OP is very upset. Some people could adjust to being apart from their grandchild and some people would find it harder.

People react to actual bereavement in very different ways too.

I think that it really depends on your own experience and feelings. It's very personal - in both situations. I live a distance from my GD and only have contact with her when she's with her dad. Sometimes I feel a real panic that I can't spend time with her and teach her all the things I thought I would be able to.

It isn't the same as someone dying, but people's reactions to that are personal too. You can't help how you feel.

I'm not sure why you would think like that GagaJo or what you get out of it..
It is not healthy.

We offered support and made suggestions in a positive way. Encouraging someone to wallow and think this is like a bereavement is not healthy.

Ok. I'm bowing out.

Well done for driving someone away that needed support.

Not sure what you get out of it, but hey. Get your fun where you can.

Yes, it is bollocks, isn't it SueDonim

Sorry for the language.

I must tell my friend who lost her 9yo to a rare leukaemia that being separated from a living grandchild is in some ways worse than her own loss.

GagaJo I thought you had just flown home and spent time with your DGS?
Presumably you will look forward to seeing your DGS at Easter?
How can you compare that to a bereavement?
Have you no insight whatsoever to the suffering of others?

Septimia I disagree.

They are still in the world, still breathing, living, enjoying life and the OP will see them again.

It is nothing like a bereavement.

Yes, my neighbour has just been bereaved, their son has died.
One of DGS's year group (Y7) has just died - that is agony for the family.
This is nothing like that.

Using that term does do a disservice to those who are grieving.

It is very upsetting but it is not a bereavement.

Septimia, that is SO insightful.

That is how it feels! Grandparents are only important in the lives of grandchildren for a short space of time. It goes by in the blink of an eye. And to miss it...

In some respects it's worse than bereavement. With bereavement you mourn but you know that the relationship you had has come to an end. There is nothing you can do about it.

With grandchildren you miss them dreadfully but the fear is that the relationship is suffering. Your fear that you'll be forgotten, unable to share things, that the closeness you had will be lost without the loss of the other person. You're anxious because the potential to do something about it is still there but the opportunity may not be.

Sorry - I may not have explained it very well....

Hmm. Well that needs thinking about.

More analysis than Im capable of.

I hope you feel better soon OP. Didn’t mean to make it worse?