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what to do

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ClareAB Wed 11-Mar-20 01:42:54

I look after my (nearly 3) granddaughter 2 days a week, which is a win win in that I adore spending time with her, and her mum and dad can relax knowing that she is happy.
However, in the last few weeks, I've had a few health problems which have knocked the stuffing out of me a bit. A chronic infection has caused a kinda of flare up of an arthritis in my neck, elbows, wrists, hips and ankles, which has become tiring, more because I can't sleep with the pain. Plus I have been getting these awful headaches which can last for days, so right now I'm waiting for appointments to see a rhematologist, an orthopedic surgeon and a CAT scan on my head.
The main concern I have, is that I have been strongly advised to have a few weeks R n R. Which I would on the one hand embrace, but on the other, leaves my son and DIL in a bind re childcare. I hate letting people down. I joked with my son that I was 'getting on a bit' the other day and he actually got quite upset at the thought of it.
I love being a mum and a grandmother. I hate and feel guilty that many of my problems are self inflicted, too heavy, ex smoker, not fit... and intend to try very hard to fix as much as I can.
But in the meantime, what and how do I deal with the commitment to my granddaughter?
I'm in such a quandry

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Lyndiloo Wed 11-Mar-20 01:49:51

I think you have to put yourself first in this situation - as hard as that is. How about cutting down the two days per week to just one?

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Summerlove Wed 11-Mar-20 02:08:15

I think you need to have an honest conversation. Putting it off will breed resentment between you, on both sides.
Good luck

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Starlady Thu 12-Mar-20 06:12:21

Oh, Clare, what a dilemma! I feel for you - and the parents - but I agree w/ others that you're going to have to have an honest conversation w/ DS and DIL. Let them know how much you love spending time w/ GD and helping them out. But also let them know that due to health problems, you need to cut back or take some time off. Please don't let guilt over your past role in your health issues stop you from speaking up. And if they accuse you of this, I suggest you acknowledge it, but then brush it off, saying, for example, "Nevertheless, if I'm going to fix my health, I need some R & R." Perhaps remind them that you won't be able to take good care of GD if your health deteriorates.

Can you give them enough advance notice so the change isn't sudden and they have time to find alternative childcare? Can/would you help them pay for childcare if that would be helpful?

Regardless, yes, DS or even both DS and DIL may get upset. Sad to say, they may even get angry and stop talking to you for a while. But you owe it to yourself - and GD - to take care of you. xx

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ClareAB Thu 12-Mar-20 12:39:09

Thanks guys.

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