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Jokes for the little ones

(24 Posts)
JackyB Mon 16-Mar-20 14:00:46

Now we won't be seeing our grandchildren for several weeks (DS2 lives 3 hours drive away), and the little ones are confined to home, I had the idea of writing letters to my DGD (5 years old).

Actually it's not my idea but someone here on Gransnet said they did this regularly and sent postcards and letters with jokes to amuse them.

I can't find that thread so wondered if we could start another collection of jokes suitable for 5-year-olds.

Her language skills are exceptionally good, but English is only her second language and she is a little reluctant to speak English. However, I know she understands everything I say (her Daddy speaks English to her all the time, and he will be at home too for the next weeks. He can read the letters to her).

So I am sure she would appreciate simple jokes.

I thought I would send her pictures to colour in and maybe some ideas for things to make and do, songs, poems, recipes - any more suggestions?

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 16-Mar-20 14:04:22

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick,

(GS always said twig! Which we found funny, every time, so in the end that became the joke)

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 16-Mar-20 14:05:32

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head


What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the sea?


I could go on, but I’ll save you and stop now

Ilovecheese Mon 16-Mar-20 14:07:20

How do you start a bears race?
Ready teddy go!

Fairviewtenby51 Mon 16-Mar-20 14:16:58

Why was 10 scared?
Because 7 8 ( ate) 9

pollyperkins Mon 16-Mar-20 14:17:32

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

What do Santa’s helpers learn at school?
The elfabet (elphabet)

pollyperkins Tue 17-Mar-20 20:26:55

More jokes please. My little GD keeps face timing and likes the jokes

Callistemon Tue 17-Mar-20 20:45:29

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Callistemon Tue 17-Mar-20 20:54:23

Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick

What did the hat say to the scarf?
I'll hang around and you go on ahead

H1954 Tue 17-Mar-20 20:58:16

How about givng her an empty matchbox and challenge her to see how many different things she can get in it? Or, decorating a new bar of soap? My daughters had great fun doing both when they were young.

pollyperkins Tue 17-Mar-20 20:59:26

Great, thank you!

phoenix Tue 17-Mar-20 21:19:12

Two goldfish in a tank, one turned to the other and said "who's actually driving this thing?"

phoenix Tue 17-Mar-20 21:21:55

The curtains told the sofa that they were a bit worried. The sofa said " Oh just pull yourself together! "

phoenix Tue 17-Mar-20 21:23:23

Why do cats think they are better than other animals? They think they are purrrfect!

phoenix Tue 17-Mar-20 21:24:55

The vet asked the dog how he was feeling, the dog replied "A bit ruff!"

phoenix Tue 17-Mar-20 21:26:36

Why don't tigers get any headache tablets in the jungle? Because the paracetamol ! (The parrots eat 'em all)

pollyperkins Wed 18-Mar-20 07:21:17

I think I will print these off (or type them out- heaven knows I’ve got plenty of time now!) so they are handy for the next video call. I don’t think I’ll manage to memorise them!

May7 Wed 18-Mar-20 07:51:12

Two snowmen in the garden one said "Can you smell carrots ?"

fevertree Wed 18-Mar-20 09:31:49

Q. Where do you take a sick horse? A. To the horsepital.

Q. And when a pig has a graze on its knee? A. You put on oinkment.

midgey Wed 18-Mar-20 09:49:49

What is green and hairy and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift.
What is yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.

JackyB Wed 18-Mar-20 10:22:31

I am glad others can use these ideas too. Yesterday I sent a letter with lots of colourful photos of spring flowers to look out for if she goes out (yesterday you could still go out. Now they have closed the playgrounds)

I have a whole box of "rainy day activities" which I used to collect when my kids were small - pages cut from magazines, backs of cereal packets, little puzzle books and so on. I have also thought of reading to her - can send the audio file.

For DGS in America, post takes ages, so I will also be making video files. I thought I'd start with a Blue Peter type origami demonstration, folding a paper aeroplane for him to try out.

Hazel731 Thu 26-Mar-20 10:17:16

Things to send to young children to keep them occupied;
crochet an Olly the Octopus, pattern is online along with others, its really easy.
Crochet flowers and ask them to decorate a jar to put them in
Knit toys patterns again online
decorate paper plates
cardboard boxes into houses
old car tyres in the garden with planks of wood for them to balance on or rolling the tyres
Make them a cardboard steering wheel they can decorate then use as a car in laundry baskets
Easter is coming make anything related to it
Think thats enough to be going on with!

Trisha57 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:30:12

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk!

pollyperkins Mon 30-Mar-20 08:48:11

Thanks Trisha - I’m collecting these and sending to gc!