Obese step grandson

Poor boy,he should be feeling loved,not an embarrassment to his Step grandmother.
My mother did it to me.I ate healthily,walked miles every day,swam several times a week.
Went to an athletic club where my friends and I ran,jogged and then walked the mile home.
She told me I was fat even the day before my wedding.
Looking back at the photographs I was a slim size 12.
My niece developed anorexia and became quite ill.
"Grandma called me fat. " - she wasn't.
My self esteem was low as a result,so was my neice's.
So keep quiet,be proud of this boy.Spend time,go for walks with him.
He will be aware of his weight,and doesn't need further criticism from you.
If you were doing this to my family I wouldn't want you be involved with them.
Many stepchildren do not want to associate with step parents,you should consider yourself lucky that they do.
It won't be long before he doesn't want to spend much time with the adults,as he grows older.

Stay away from them till you are able to appreciate them for the people they are, not for how they look.

A good grandma doesn't judge a gs in such a superficial and harsh manner.

Diabetes would be my main worry.
Maybe he eats junk food when he's bored?
There will be plenty of P.E lessons when your grandson goes to secondary school. Football, rugby, cross country running etc. A good opportunity to lose some weight.

I don't think there's much you can do about it without rocking the boat. When a he there serve them healthy meals. Try to encourage him to do out door activities and sport. Make family activities outdoor ones like picnics or walks in the park. Throw a ball around.

i agree with agnurse, et alia.
your comment about feeling embarrassed to be seen with him is very revealing. this attitude is probably obvious to your SD, and may remind her of her own mother's unhelpful approach. she is exercising great patience and self-control not to say something dismissive to you. probably out of respect for her father.
if you really think it as endangering the boy, report it to social services, anonymously.
but really it is not your place to get involved unless asked.
and to suggest a child go to a slimming club, or even worse a fat camp as per pp, well, no wonder youngsters have self-image problems. leave them alone, esp as you find it embarrassing.
to the people above who say the mother controls what he eats, that is not realistic. this is not a toddler. he can open cupboards, fridge, to graze, as 90% of the adult population do, esp when at home on lockdown.

He needs to feel loved for himself and not made to feel like he's an embarrassment. I sense your genuine concern but agree with other posters that he should never hear from you that he is anything less than lovable and special in your eyes. That's what grans are for after all. Especially if he gets stick at school. Home and family need to be his safe place. Just be there for him and be proud of him.

I don't think anyone wants that for the child. But the thing is that this is a parenting issue, and it also needs to be approached delicately.

My FIL (who we are now estranged from) used to tell our daughter she was fat. Our daughter later developed an eating disorder.

If the OP has serious concerns her best bet is to contact Social Services.

If your grandson is overweight it is the fault of the person feeding him. Children are fed, they don’t usually organise their own diet.
There is so much unhealthy food and drink out there that unless one is aware of the nutritional and calorific value it is easy to eat too much of the wrong food.
The person that can do something about this seems to be his mum.
OutsideDave and Gagajo are you fat? If so do you like being
fat and all the downsides it brings with it? It is not a healthy state to be in. It stops you doing so much. Why would you want that for your grandchild?

How about enrolling him when they open again, into a summer fat camp.
There he will get exercise and diet help.

I feel for the boy. I know what it's like to be fat shamed.

One possible idea, his Mum could say she wants to try a online fun fitness class like Joe Wicks every morning, and ask her son to join her. Needs to make it a fun thing to do, and of course he may not want to get up early to do it.

Or could the extended family start a regular zoom group, where they all have fun doing dance and singing etc. Tictok? If he could do something fun and a bit physical with people he knows, he might enjoy it?

It's a shame he doesn't have a mate or uncle or someone who could get him to go out with them for a regular bike ride, again accent on the fun aspect.

Do not mention weight to him. It could be a life long problem.

Allowing a child to be seriously underweight would give cause for concern, but allowing a child to be seriously overweight seems to be ignored. Can we please stop side=stepping the issue? Any parent who allows a child to be in this condition is guilty of neglect. Blaming the child is not a sensible excuse. Who is buying the food which makes him fat?

Can't imagine being ashamed to be seen with a kid because he was fat, or for any other reason.

Try to overcome not wanting to go out with him and his mum as walks will provide exercise. Our son was chubby at around that age, but it was temporary and as he grew in height it resolved itself. He always exercised though and ate fairly healthily so I was never concerned. A PE teacher at high school once said how energetic he was for a boy with a weight problem! I was so flabbergasted for once I was speechless! Otherwise I would have given the teacher a good talking to! Son is now an adult and a dad. He exercises when he has time, feeds his children healthily, is a good cook and cooks with them. My advice - encourage the positive whenever possible, keep quiet at other times.

Weightwatchers is now called WW and much more concerned with healthy lifestyle than just losing weight. Your grandson's mother could join and learn to cook healthy tasty food. The points system is easy to follow and they have cookbooks so you can choose "comfort Food" or "Fakeaway" foods (amongst others) and her son would never know that they were healthy versions of the food he loves. They also have healthy snacks - biscuits, crisps etc that are lower in points. (I lost 2 stones 3 years ago, without "being on a diet" and have never put is back on!

You've said your bit and if you don't want to ruin your relationship with his mother, I'd keep your thoughts to yourself. How said that you feel embarrassed to be seen with him. It says far more about you than him. Fat people know they are fat and are already unhappy about it, they really don't need the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally to be judgemental about them.

Lilllylover, the best psychologists and sociologists cannot solve the problem of child obesity. Just leave it be, unless and unusually you are asked to advise.

Back in the 1950s, my family were poor and under stress and my younger sister and I became obese. I was desperately aware of my plight as my mother found it hard to find clothes to fit me, and I could not avoid the bullies and name-callers (“Shuffler”) in my village primary school. I was eight years old when a doctor gave me my first diet sheet. Although it was bizarre by modern standards, I persevered grimly with the grapefruit, the Energen rolls and the cheese salad. Obesity can bring a child to breaking point, and sometimes, with a little intervention and help, they can rescue themselves by marshalling their own inner resources.

I am not going to repeat what other posters have said but add in my own experience. My youngest daughter as a child was slightly overweight. Her Grandma (husband's mother) on several occasions mentioned her being "fat" in her hearing. At the time, daughter didn't seem to have taken it in but years later she ended up nearly dying from anorexia (amongst other mental health issues) and then she came out with the fact that "grandma told her she was fat". So above all, be sure never to mention your concerns in front of your grandson.

Hopefully when he goes to senior school in September his weight and fitness will be addressed.

Lillylover, I have two very obese step- granddaughters in their early twenties. I have expressed my concern to my husband but would never say anything to them as I don't feel it is my place to do so. However, neither the girls, their parents or their grandmother seem bothered which I find a bit strange as none of them are really overweight. Lillylover I think we both have to accept them as they are and not worry about what other people think.

With any luck, he’ll have a growth spurt in the next couple of years and get slimmer as he gets taller. My youngest son was distinctly tubby till the age of 13, then grew like a weed for a few months and ended up as skinny as a rake - and he remains so to this day, in his late twenties.

You have voiced your concern and obviously the boy's mother doesn't see eye to eye with you, so there is nothing more you can do right now.

Serve healthy food when they visit you and leave it at that.

Sorry to say it, but your granddaughter is shirking her responsibilities as a parent. Not only is obesity likely to lead to serious health problems, but the boy is very possibly under-nourished. Perhaps when he starts secondary school, these problems will be addressed.
In the meantime, why not buy the boy a football? Most boys are passionate about football and trying to race after the ball might make him more aware of the drawbacks of being fat.

I feel for you. I’m horrified to see so many fat and obese children/teenagers.
Their quality and of life, their health and their relationships will be severely impacted and I suffer to think how obese these overweight children will become as adults.
Obesity does not seem to be a common problem in Europe but their are few fast food outlets and generally the meals contain much more fresh vegetables and fruit.
I would talk to your DIL. The child needs help to prevent an unhappy and unhealthy lifetime ending in premature death.
It is a child protection issue, in my opinion, and there are dieticians and sports people who can help her present it as a positive life style move toward good health.
Maybe she might feel better if she upped her exercise and downed her calories with him?

Get him a fitbit and challenge him to do more exercise, even walking will help him lose weight. Maybe invite him for lunch at the weekends and give him low calorie meals. Then go for a long walk littles steps and hopefully you will see a difference