I feel sorry for my little Grandson

Personally I would just chat to GS and tactfully raise the issue to judge his reaction. You could have the chat that we’re all allowed to do what we want in our own homes but some people are more OCD than others. Let him know the varying degrees of this and that there is a difference between OTT behaviour, and just allowing a home to be a home.

All my 6 know they get to make a mess at Grandma's. Especially making cakes & biscuits although I have taught the eldest how to cook his favourite meals- his girlfriend loves him cooking for her now.
If they can't let their hair down when staying with GM where can they. To be fair neither of my sons & DiLs object to messy play.

My home is definitely lived-in, it is far easier to clean up when the GCs go home, than try to control the mess.

Let your grandson enjoy himself at your place, he will always look forward to seeing you.

My SiL (who admits to OCD) can't stand mess. He had to be persuaded to allow pictures to be hung on the walls of their new house and to have ornaments and plants, even a Christmas tree!! The only colours for home furnishing are in the cream/beige/brown spectrum. In the garden, there is a lot of paving, grass and the odd shrub, no flowers.
DD is by nature reasonably tidy and over the years she has persuaded SiL to soften his attitude somewhat. But DH and I think it's a pretty soulless house for the GSs to grow up in.

MawB

Well she is still fussy, but has more important things to get stressed about than a few crumbs ?

The advantage of having a dog is that they are very good at hoovering up crumbs

fuseta you could keep a couple of spare sets of clothes for him at your house (you'd probably find decent ones in a charity shop) so that he could get as messy as he liked then change him into his clean clothes before he's picked up.

Otherwise, old shirts make good painting overalls.

It sounds as if your SIL can't help it if he is hoovering around you while you eat - at your house!
Perhaps the poor man was brought up like that, or perhaps his parents were messy hoarders and this is a reaction and his way of keeping control of his life.

get him some silly string to play with in the garden at your house - the messiest thing I can think of! My grandsons just love it (poundland often sell it which is good, because you get through a couple of cans very quickly). None of my children are that houseproud thank goodness (they take after me!!) - but they all draw the line at silly string so its only allowed in my garden. Nothing better than squirting a grandson.............

I think your gs will remember the fun he had with you more than what he can/can`t do.
An idea .... could he have a pet and keep it at your house ?.
His parents need not know it`s his.

I do feel for you. Maybe your SIL has OCD? I would bring your GS to your house and let him make as much mess as he wants (within reason). My DIL is very houseproud but mud pies at Grandma's house is great fun. They are delivered home squeaky clean.

Sounds like ocd. My DD used to be so house proud to the point she would moan if you slouched on her sofa as your were ruining her cushions.
Fast forward to her having her first child everything changed, her house is lived in now and a much happy place to be.

I would not say anything to the parents as it could make matters worse. I would make sure he had so much fun when he came to my house though.
Is your Grandson generally happy though?

My daughter-in-law came from a home like this and is not inflicting it on her children and my son.
Take heart!

Oh dear! Does he have allergies? The cleaner you are the more likely you are to have eczema, hay fever, allergies & asthma - I know because my mother was sanitised and sanitised all around her.

The saying that a bit of dirt did no one any harm, is true.

Oh I love mess. And I love making mess with DGD

Well, at least your DD's home will be much more Covid free than mine!

Could you have a pet at your home? Even a goldfish as you mentioned but you could have stick insects. If really brave a couple of rabbits ? Your house your rules. Keep a few old clothes at yours so he can get dirty doing a bit of gardening such as filling pots etc. A watering can from Poundland keeps my 4 GC busy for hours. Drown the plants mind you as they always seem to water one particular pot !

Next time he is at your house you can give him the opportunity to let his hair down and get really really messy!

What a shame for this little lad - there is nothing you can do at their place without rendering yourself an unwelcome guest.

Is there any chance that at some quiet time you could sit down just with your DD and have a calm discussion about this? I think it’s really harmful behaviour with potential long term consequences for the poor child. There’s a very big line between temporary easily cleaned up mess and mess or damage that takes ages to put right.

I have one DDIL who is incredibly tidy. Every garment in every drawer is neatly folded. Toys are tidied away non stop. The other is complete opposite..... love them both but am far more at ease in the latter !

I think that when children grow up like this, they end up living in a pigsty when older. Could you ask one of her friends or a relative who she is close to to talk to her? Or does her MIL feel the same as you? If she does, could you and her talk to your daughter and SIL together? X

Have a different régime at your house and get a dog.

I’m fine Namsnanny - but do wonder sometimes how I brought up three DD’s to have higher standards than their mum!

Sounds awful eazybee

Well she is still fussy, but has more important things to get stressed about than a few crumbs ?

An adorable puppy brought her to heel Maw?
I think its perfectly natural to get a bit finicky about keeping the house tiptop. I'm sure we all do for a while.
Seems important doesnt it, at the time?
You ok?

My 2 step daughters grew up with a mother like this and both went completely the other way.