Imminent grandma feeling apprehensive

It took me a long time to bond with my grandson because our daughter in law pushed us out. But I absolutely adore him now. I love babies and children. Just give it time. This baby will work it's way into your heart soon enough. If you have brought up children with out kiĺling them it will all be natural. Just prepare yourself to be told everything has changed now. Nothing I knew was considered normal even though it was common sense. Of course it's normal to allow your child to sleep in bed with you even though hes over two. I hear you all shrieking about that. I dont agree but I know nothing apparently. You have to learn to zip it.

Everyone is different.
No need for judgemental comments.

You're right when you say you're not maternal - that comes through loud and clear! You say you love your daughter but if it were me there would be no hesitation ... I'd jump in my car or on the train and be there in a shot (if that's what my daughter wanted, of course!!).

I expect you have not seen your daughter for some time due to lockdown so the tone of your message really surprises me! Wild horses wouldn't stop a loving mother wanting to be their to help at the birth of their first grandchild.

Don't worry about not bonding with the baby - as someone else has already said - you are there to support your daughter.

Stop thinking about your self for one moment and start thinking about your daughter! I am surprised this is even an issue for you!!

It's fine to just be yourself, and feel how you feel.

Not all grandparents are the same, and there are some who just really like their grandchilren.

Spot on, wildswan16. Also I think you will find that the smell of a lovely clean newborn is absolutely wonderful - a natural bonding device! You’ll be just fine.

I'm not maternal, but love my own. When my daughter in law and son told me she was pregnant 15 years ago now my thought was 'that's nice'. Did all the right things buying things for the baby etc. Then he was born...wow as soon as l saw him l fell in love....another 8 grandchildren now....love them like l love my own xx

Newbiegran - there’s no such time as being ‘ready to be a gran’ - you will just fall into this role when it happens - there is no point in worrying about the future because you have no control over it but you can think logically and recall your own life as a mum with a baby - the changes it brought to your life, the tiredness you felt, the hormonal changes and possible emotional ups and downs - these are the things your daughter will need help with and she wants you not her mum-in-law because showing her vulnerability may be so’s etching she’s only prepared to do with her nearest and dearest - put to one side your lack of maternal feelings for your new unborn grandchild - your love for this baby will come naturally but for the moment it is your daughter you are being asked to support and you’ll be just great at that and your daughter knows this which is why she’s reaching out to you - enjoy.

What nobody tells you is that you love your grandchildren as much as if you had given birth to them. You will be surprised how you may well feel more maternal with this child than you did your own. I did and it was completely unexpected.

The best support you can give is to be there and encourage your daughter to do things as she wants. Ideas about parenting have changed a lot since we had our children. I have 3 grandchildren with number 4 due at the end of July. Each family has their own ideas about parenting so I have been to follow the parents wishes. I am sure you will enjoy being a grandmother. When my first GC arrived I was certain I had forgotten all over know about babies. Luckily I was able to help with practical things around the house, washing, shopping, preparing meals etc and a few cuddles with the baby. Gradually I re-learnt how to change a nappy, comfort a crying baby etc. So relax and enjoy. You will be a great support to your daughter by just being there

I hope you do manage to get to be with your daughter. Just keep remembering that you are there to help "her". Her job is to look after the baby. Your job is the washing, cooking, hoovering etc. Laugh together when you can't remember how to put a nappy on, or how to fasten the babygro. Learn about this little baby together.

This little one isn't yours - so you get to enjoy the cuddles, and later on play in the mud - then hand them back.

Fairly new (6 months tomorrow) grandad here. I had similar concerns about bonding as, other than my own 2, I'm not particularly fond of babies. However, the first moment I saw him I was hooked and have been ever since. I've missed so much due to the lockdown and I am determined to catch up as soon as we can.
First time babysitting yesterday for a few hours while his parents had a little time to themselves. All went well except for the nappy thing! I was fine with my girls but was a bit unsure about how tight for a boy......

I think its brilliant that you are going in with the attitude that you dont know everything. Guidelines for what you should and shouldnt do have constantly changed over the decades. Fortunately health visitors are there for that advice. I'm not one for over fussing over babies. When I spent time with my daughter after the birth of both grandsons I focused as much as possible on supporting her with chores etc and moral support. For some reason my youngest grandson was always incredibly chilled with me so I would happily spend time with him whilst both parents fell asleep on the spot!

Congratulations Newbiegran. I was a grandmother at 45. My daughter got pregnant at university so not ideal, but my son and I supported her to keep the baby who brought great joy. Baby's dad left the scene. My ex husband not interested. I found myself utterly elated.

My new neighbours thought the baby was mine! I was flattered and thrilled. I was her birthing partner. Daughter had missed out on childbirth classes so it was left to me to teach her how to breastfeed, and all aspects of baby care. We managed very well.

They lived with me for 5 weeks after the birth and then my daughter went back to uni with baby in tow and finished her degree and studied for her Masters and Ph.D. all the while bringing up baby. She did a good job. It has all worked out totally fine.

I felt similar to you. But it has been the very opposite experience I am mad about my granddaughter. I love her to bits!! Just relax about it all I'm sure all will be fine.

congratulations ! I think we are all different grandmothers just as were are different mothers. My daughter's baby is now five weeks old, he is my first grandchild, and I am helping her during the week as her partner is working from home in a very small flat. Many thoughts - I am no longer 30, so it is exhausting - there are not really any special "skills" though today's parents are far more bombarded with stuff to buy and endless internet guilt trips than we were - despite the exhaustion, and the huge effort, and the current infernal heat, it has been a wonderful time, obviously to get to know the baby, but also to feel close again to my daughter who is genuinely grateful, as I am sure yours will be. You don't have to focus on the baby if you don't want to - a bit of hoovering and washing and making some lunch is also welcome. I wish you all the best and hope you enjoy it. x

Babies are issued a beautiful gift before they arrive. They open our eyes to a real, on earth miracle. They have skin that begs for our touch. They make noises that dance in our ears. They smell like fields of flowers and fresh baked bread. Never fear, your grandchild will arrive knowing how to fill your heart with love.

My grandson was an accident. Unplanned and kept, because my daughter doesn't believe in abortion. She wanted my support during the pregnancy and for me to be with her while she was in labour. I didn't want to be, having had a bad time with my own birth experience.

The birth was fine and despite never having been particularly maternal, I adored my GS from the beginning. He has brought very much joy into my life that I could not have foreseen.

but I have my own life and am not about to down tools and spend all day knitting (metaphorically speaking)

Newbie, this many times over hands on grandma has her own life that amongst the usual day to day things includes

Having an adult child who these days requires 2-1 round the clock care that due to my age I now have to share with a team of full live in carers. But at least I have him at home with me and its why I still - run my own business.

I also travel. Mostly on my own (through choice) so I can see and do more when Im away. Family holidays are different entirely.

And then there's my voluntary work with young adults like my son.

Oh and I almost forgot my non metaphorical knitting - blankets and beanie hats for the premature baby unit in our local hospital.

Give up my own life to be a grandma?

Thanks! I do feel better now that I don't have to be one of those doting - best thing ever - grandmothers - of course I will love and care for any grandchildren as I love and care for my grown up children but I have my own life and am not about to down tools and spend all day knitting (metaphorically speaking)

has not had.

Just to add. When I told a friend I was about to be a grandmother, she said 'How awful. I would hate that.' She now had four grandchildren and talks about nothing else.

I never wanted to be a g.parent. Adored all my children, loved being a Mum, and it got better and better as they became adults.

Obviously, as they found partners, I knew I had dropped down one peg on the order.

When the first of my children told me she and hubbie were expecting, my immediate response was 'What are you going to do?'. Fortunately, more than twenty years later she can laugh at such a strange response.

When he was born, I stayed with her for a few days, much more concerned about her than the baby. When I went back home and to work and people asked me about him, I would just shrug and say ' He is a healthy, normal baby'. Not quite the response of a doting g,mother!!!

Now, many years later and with seven further g.children, I do enjoy being a g,mother. Not in the doting way - but all my children are so happy with their children -any anything that makes my children happy - is good by me.

Not sure if I would say I actually 'love' my g.children . I am concerned for them, have helped, when I could, with minding them (one a great deal throughout babyhood and childhood), but they help to define who I am - and I am happy and comfortable with that.

No, I will never be one who says that g.children are the best things that every happened to them. For me, that was my own children - All my daughters know and understand my feelings - and I know and accept that to them (quite rightly) their children are the most important things in their lives.

So, Newbiegran, my advice would be - just relax and let things run their course. Wonderful, you daughter wants you there for her, go along, help in any way you can. Chances are when you see her with her baby, you will realise how much you do love them both.

Please don’t feel you have to go all soppy about a baby grandchild. I’m not maternal and although I love my kids, I hated the messy business of being a parent. Likewise, I love my grandchildren, but I don’t ‘bond’ with them in some magical way. A lot of GNetters are into this ‘I love my grandchild more than anything in the world’ thing, but it’s not compulsory. In some ways it’s easier to be more disengaged - you don’t end up competing with your own children for their love, and you don’t feel Forced to offer childcare. Just enjoy it!

Congratulations! I became a grandmother at 50. I wasn't too pleased at the thought to be honest. I couldn't imagine being a gran - I am still a 1960s teenager in my head (aren't we all).

As soon as she was born, all that was forgotten. I can't ever exlain the feeling. She is 20 now. and we've had some wonderful times. She is the light of my life. Enjoy it

Newbiegran, its like riding a bike - you never forget how to. Honestly. It will all just come back to you and it will feel very natural. One thing though, the mums of today have all sorts of information at their fingertips so for eg although I breast fed all of my children I don't actually know how it all works. I just know that it does, or perhaps that should be that it worked for me, and I find that when it comes to my daughter asking me a breastfeeding question I find it better to leave the explanations to her sister or sisters in law who not only breastfed but read up on it as well and can answer the technicalities.

What do I do to help? Anything and everything and this week Ive slept in with my latest grandchild, a 4 week old, and done all the night care due to my girl not being very well and her husband being at work.

Im lucky enough to have many grandchildren who age wise are between 4 weeks old and late teens. I even take them on holiday and this year Ive taken one lot to Italy in search of gladiators and once we can travel again Im bringing two of the others to London to do all things dinosaur related and spend a night in a museum.

Being a grandma is just wonderful and here's to happy, happy days for you and yours.