Looking after grandchildren

You're young, no longer enjoy your job, working anyway and you obv have the skills to look after all your DGC, so it is definitely worth considering if you don't mind the decrease in wages. Maybe you could change your job to childminder while looking after them, until they go to school, with the potential to take on another child?
Clarify now anything that worries you, such as pensions, if you're ill, being self-employed etc. It's the 'other' times that need to be clear too - late night working?, babysitting etc. You might have a different view about doing those things. Also the 'rules' DD has might make things more difficult for you. They are near though so that's a bonus, surely you can all eat at their house or ask her to pack up lunch for the children. Set up a direct debit so money is never an issue between you. Whatever you decide, hope it's all resolved amicably for you.

Hi think hard about this. Once you make the comment it will be hard to stop. I look after my grandson who is now nearly two 3 days a week. I love him to bits and am grateful that I can spend time with him but I am shattered at the end of each day. I couldn’t imagine being able to cope with three. I retired from my full time job to look after him and I must say I’ve haven’t regretted that for one moment. I certainly feel for you it’s hard to say no to your child xx

If you don’t like the job you do now what do you WANT to do ? And what if your DD gets held up at work etc how will you be treated ? Would anyone else look after 2/3 children for this sum of money and do the great loving job that a grandma would do ? Do you on any level feel that this is putting a lot on you ? And also how can you be Grandma when you become their childminder ? And what happens when you do something she’s not happy with ? In a normal employer / employee relationship lines are clear - here their not.

I am a gran to 6 ranging from 20 down to 6. I'm 61 and still work full time in a school. I look after the two youngest 7 & 8 three days a week after school, until around 7pm. the 12 year old usually comes down on a Saturday afternoon and stays until Sunday. to be honest, this is enough for me. As much as I loved them, I could never commit to 40 hrs a week, even for older children, I know I'd be exhausted. My children have always known that I'll help whenever I can, but these are my grandchildren. I've already been and done all this with my own children. I'm at an age, where if I feel like doing something impromptu, even if it's just meeting a friend for coffee, I can. 40 hours is a big commitment and a huge responsibility.

My daughter pays £55 per day at nursery for each of her 3 year old twins, and £10 per day for 'breakfast and after school club' for the 9 year old at school. That's £120 per day. After she has paid for all this, she doesn't take home very much money - she's a teacher. And you have to consider pension contributions / sick pay etc too.

Even without any other considerations it sounds like there will be a big financial hit. There will be tax, NI and pension to pay out of that £700. And what about sick pay and holiday pay?

I think this is too much to ask of you. Will they still want you to babysit for them at the weekend/if they want to go away overnight etc? Part time maybe or occasionally to help out but not full time like this. I wouldn’t take it on. Good luck x

I've been looking after my four grandchildren full time for the last three years and I'm sad they're moving on. Ignore the negative comments here. You are used to working with young children and you get 13 weeks holiday. It's a privilege to see your grandchildren grow up and they'll be at school soon enough! Good luck.

I used to work for the Tax Office - if you are working only for your daughter, and she decides where, when and for who you work, then you'd be ruled as employed and not self-employed, which would make your daughter responsible for paying your tax and any workplace benefits. Effectively, you'd be the Nanny, not a self-employed childminder.

How near to retirement age are you? Will you still be looking after the children at that time?

Frankly, it sounds to me to be a very small salary for the hours your daughter is expecting.

Please take into considereration that it will damage your relationship to her if you decide after a while that the job doesn't suit you. It may also be very difficult for you at that point to get another job.

Admittedly, refusing to comply with your daugher's wishes here may damage your relationship too.

I would consider what I really wanted to do. If you decide to become nanny for your grandchildren do please make a written contract with your daughter, which covers such mattes as sick pay, notice, if you decide to leave, and if she decides she isn't satisfied with you.

I did child minding for my DD. It was 3 or 4 days a week but involved anti social hours. I began to see that I had no real contact with my DD. It was a case of passing through either dropping off or picking up and not having any family or personal time with my DD. I missed her company even though I saw her fairly often.
Then came the day I had a fall. I still completed the day's childminding and when she arrived to pick up she was more concerned about being late for her "DP" rather than DGC still eating the meal or me being injured. She didn't see anything wrong with her expectations.
I don't childmind now. I was upset at the constant use of my good nature.

Dear God! Not a cat in hell’s chance! ??

I think your daughter is trying to take advantage of your good nature. If you are self-employed, you will need to make your own NI contributions, and these are higher than for the empoyed. You also have to do tax returns which are much more complicated. You will have no outside contact other than your family. No matter how much you love your grandchildren, you will be giving up any independent life if you do this. Your daughter is being unreasonable in expecting you to do so for far less than it would cost her for outside childcare for three children. They are her responsibility, not yours.

I love my grandchildren so much but don’t think I would want to look after them everyday.We have always had them one day a week to help out (up until coronavirus but my husband is shielded so may be a while before he feels safe enough to look after them again).For us it would be too much of a tie ,we are both nearly 70 & feel that we now need to spend quality time together.Once you are committed it’s difficult to stop without bad feeling & wouldn’t want to fall out with my daughter.

If u only work for one employer HMRC will NOT consider you self employed. Your daughter will have to set up PAYE, like people with nannies and au pairs do

Go part time its the easier route and will preserve not only your mental wellbeing but your relationship with your daughter. Believe someone who has been there and done it.

You will basically be a childminder as you will be paid. Are you prepared to go through what is required for registration. As a misery nurse you will know what is rquired. Quite a big commitment for you but not impossible as you are already working. Pension provision? as you will be self employed.

I haven't read the whole of this thread but my main concern would be that this arrangement will have a huge impact on your relationship with your grandchildren and your daughter. You will be a paid employee and not a grandmother. Maybe, if it was for only a day or two a week, it would be fine. As a teacher and a grandmother, I personally wouldn't want to do it in case it spoilt the family relationship in any way. Also, what would happen if you became ill?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Depends how old you are and how fit you are and if you have a husband/partner to help. Otherwise it's a very big commitment and would be extremely tiring. How guilty you would feel at letting her down if you were unwell one day or had a bad night! Sounds like your daughter is asking too much of you.

All the posts have listed a number of matters to consider before committing. I’ve done some quick sums and your annual income will be either £9,100 or £8,400 depending on whether the £700 is monthly or 4 weekly. That equates to an hourly rate of £5.80 or £5.38 even taking into account the 13 weeks holiday. That’s well below the minimum wage but does appear about average for childminding. You’ll have no tax to pay as below £12,500. I think a lot depends on your daughter’s financial circumstances. Does she have a partner in employment? Is she on minimum wage herself? I think she should supply the children’s’ food at least! On the plus side, if you’re fit enough, you have a great chance to spend time with the grandchildren whilst they still adore their Granny! You can do your own thing weekends, half term and holidays or whenever the 13 weeks holiday are taken .......

I wouldn't
There are bound to be very stressful times eg when they get ill & it could put a huge strain on your relationship as you get exhausted.
Question - would you have asked your mother to do this for you?
You are a professional with your own clearly defined job & hours at work.
If it is a good deal, let someone else have the 'opportunity ' & create a new job for someone
I speak from experience
Much as you may love your GC, if you get ill cos you're too stressed out it won't help anyone.
This is not in your best interests.
It's okay to say 'No thank you'.
Be your own best friend xxx

I must be way out of touch but £700.00 per week sounds like a lot of money to me. I thought you meant per month and I thought that seemed a bit mean. How much would someone need to earn to be able to pay out that much for childcare?

This needs an awful lot of thought - you will be losing your "position": as Gran, and becoming something totally different. A Grandparent role is something to be cherished and enjoyed, and not really as an employee. Do not feel guilty if you decide to not take it in - good luck, and all good wishes.

That you are on here asking tells me you have some doubts or concerns and you are right to have these. Others have posted the types of things I would urge you to consider. Maybe draw up an old-fashioned list of 'Pros & Cons' for your current job and the proposed one for your daughter.
1: 3 kids, full time, for only £700 - seems like an exceptionally low salary -for 40 hours you have each/all the children this is probably less than minimum wage.
2: The salary is already low yet you would have the expense of petrol, lunches, presumably activities and/or materials + any equipment they need or safety kit to install.
3: How long would this arrangement be for? What happens when all 3 kids are at school?
4: What if your daughter has more kids?
5: Would you need to be a registered childminder? Have other children to make the finances work?
6: Would you have a proper contract?
7: What if your daughter's working conditions change and she tries to alter the arrangement? Or has months when money is tight so tries to ask if she can delay or reduce payment to you?
8: This will change all relationships - yours with your daughter; yours with the grandchildren; your daughter & her children. The dynamics will be different. You will be their main carer.
9: What happens if you and your daughter disagree on aspects of care: the hours, if you or she are ill, meal times, after school activities, discipline etc?
10: 3 kids will almost certainly be tiring, demanding, and what if they each want friends over after school or you end up ferrying them to lets of hobbies. sports, activities?
11: Where do you stand legally if you are now their paid carer rather than grandparent looking after grandchildren?
12: You say you would get paid holiday for 13 weeks a year but what about sick pay, pension etc. What arrangements is your daughter making for those 13 weeks or would you be asked to have them as grandparent looking after them rather than paid to care for them?
13: When do you find time for your own appointments, shopping etc or do you have to do these with little ones in tow?
14: What about any evenings, dates, work stuff, training courses etc when your daughter wants to go out, be late home etc - do you end up with the kids for extra hours or additional 'babysitting'?

I just put the figures into the calculator...if the £700 was a weekly salary it works out at £17,50 an hour (approx £5.83 per child). If the £700 was a monthly salary it equates to £4.30 an hour (£1.43 per child)....either way it is not good! I believe babies and very young children generate premium income for most qualified childminders.

I would think VERY carefully before you commit to this as, much as you might love your daughter and the kids and want to help, this could be a recipe for a disaster and impact all of you in a negative way. Don't be rushed into a decision/ Think about the points people have raised on here and any examples of the plus points or pitfalls people have shared.

Whatever you decide, good luck