Looking after grandchildren

Have you places at the nursery you work in and could you take them there ? She would have to pay the going rate of course, but if you look after them and give up your job, what happens if you become ill ? A friend of mine put her foot down and said NO to full time care ….but she does have them weekends and sometimes is asked to get to their house by 07.00am to get them ready for school and nursery and then drive them there and pick them up again ...this has sorely impacted on the plans she and her husband had (well, not THIS year as they could go nowhere anyway !)...so give it some long hard thought !

I went part time and job shared with my daughter in our family business ,I did mornings and she did afternoons until GS went to nursery ,then there was another baby the next year and I did the same again .18 months later my son an d his partner split and he brought his daughter home to us and they stayed for 10 years ,well she did, he moved out a couple of years ago with a new partner .That baby now 11 stayed until lockdown ,she thinks of this as home ,theres a new baby at dads house so this is a great way of them being the family her dad and his partner wanted although wee madam and I were cautious it has worked out very well

.Thats 17 years of childcare I've done and I've loved every day of it.I didn't take money off my children as its FAMILY and in my life family is the most important thing of all.
I dont think I'll have the new baby to look after as my DIL to be has a lot of sisters and a mum who are besotted with their new wee girl
.IF you want to help and can afford it being paid or not, do it.You'll have the best time I have a great relationship with all my GC .I had an elderly parent and a teenager at home when I started looking after mine as well as my businesses to run and I wouldn't swap that time for anything .Not everyone gets the chance I was 49 when I started now I'm 66 and I swear they've kept me young .

hallgreenmiss...I am not sure that you have to be a registered childminder if you are based in your daughter's house, only if you use your own premises for childminding.

Please don't do it. My poor sister did this and then was diagnosed with a terminal illness. She and my brother in law continued to look after the children even when it became too much for her.I stepped in while she had chemo and was treated to a bottle of wine! She and her husband should have been enjoying every moment on holiday and relaxing. Sorry but children can be very selfish. My nieces commented that "it kept her young". After her death my BIL said he couldn't cope and the girls were really off with him. Very sad but true.

It's going to be very hard and very tiring for you and you will be comitted to 40 hours a week where you can't do anything of your own. In my opinion you will lose your independence and social side of having your own job. It's definitely not something I would take on.

Also, i hate to say the 'C' word but the covid19 still has NOT gone away and as such we could all be back on lockdown by september, the way things are going.

I would think long and hard about this. I used to manage a nursery and often spoke to grandparents who, over time became resentful if their grandchildren. With GC they could not join their similar aged friends and were often very tired. I usually look after my grandchildren 2 days a week so still have time to myself. I love it but would not consider a full time commitment.

Also theres the pension element to consider- and also your own outgoings, you will get paid less, but you still have same bills to pay,plus the petrol and lunches.(couldnt you eat their food?) Also if your daughter cant match what your pay is now then she really should not have asked you. Seems not a good deal for you. I would say no, and look at ways to enjoy your job more, and let your dd look for childcare for the price she can afford- a childmider or an au pair or some such.

Tell her you are not a cheap baby minder. Your time is your time. Too many grandparents are dumped on and used as cheap baby minders for their selfish children resulting in the grandparent being exhausted. You will be working much harder than in your paid job now. DON'T do it.

At different ages I have been a childminder and looked after grandchildren. As a minder I was in my fifties and managed all the feeding, playing and in and out of the car with strapping in, breaking back etc. As a granny I was that much older, mid-sixties and it was exhausting and I only did it part-time.

Taking one child to school and picking up, looking after the baby who will soon be mobile (!!) and keeping the 3 year old amused will be taxing. Good idea to take them to toddler groups as much as poss - you get to sit down and talk to other minders/parents and the kids have something to interest them. Even at six months a baby sitting up will like watching all the activity and the sing alongs.

As others have said, the fact you are asking the grans says something. Had you thought of taking the grandkids to the place you work? Even on a couple of days to keep your hand in there and look after them at the same time? Maybe the school age child could go to a neighbour's for a few hours after school.

The money side and the situation once all three are at school needs looking at - a lot here depends on your age now.

You would need to keep up your national /pension contributions, tax returns etc. yourself, if self employed. That is extra work time.

If you want to work for your daughter, it would be better for you if she were to become your employer rather than you going self employed then the onus is on her to sort out all the paperwork and pay all the insurances/expenses etc. She would have to pay you holiday and sick pay then and at least the minimum wage and you would have employee rights.

Looking to the future, you will lose your job when all the children are at school except for holiday relief. It can work if you don't like your present job but it has to be in your favour to persuade you to give up your present job. You would need a proper contract of employment. Going self employed brings a whole lot of hassle with it which, as PAYE, you don't have at the moment. If your daughter doesn't want to go down this route then she is only interested in what you can do for her and is not interested in your welfare. Also, will you be able to do what you want when looking after the children. Your daughter would need to pay you a budget on top of your wage for activities, transportation and food. Lots to think about.

I guess that, working in a nursery, you're aware of the need to register as a childminder id you're being paid. You will also be subject to OFSTED .

When my granddaughter was born I had her for a few days a week ...I was also a NNEB nursery nurse and retired to.look after her ...loved every minute if it and we are so close now ...shes 11 now ...BUT your situation is very different and more intense ...I would think long and hard about it tbh

I think this is a huge responsibility to take on but if you feel you can do it why not... you don't say how old you are and if you are physically fit think it would be very tiring

Is she going to pay your NI, pension contribution etc. Personally I wouldn’t - I don’t want to work full-time at my age and I don’t want to be tied down to my grandchildren, am more than happy to help on occasions but not as a job. - why can’t they go to the nursery where you work?

No I wouldn`t, what about your pension rights, sick pay, etc. Plus it is a lot to take on for very little reward. I know their your grandchildren but you are entitled to a life!
Wouldn`t you miss having your own independence and what about if you argue, are you then unemployed. It is barely £10 a day per child plus pay your own tax and insurance pension, feed them all, really? They are taking the p@@@

Also what about when you are too ill to have them..... at work you would receive sick pay ....none of us are are getting healthier as we get older. Have you s partner to help... or indeed complain!? I love my grandkids but I wouldn’t want them 40 hours a week,

The thing with Nurseries is that there are very strict rules about what parents can or can't do. If they are late for picking the children up, there are penalties. If the children are ill, they aren't allowed to go. If the staff are sick, then someone else steps in. If parents don't send them, they still have to pay. All these things mean that parents can't take advantage, know exactly where they stand so the staff are fully protected from emotional demands that grandparents aren't.
There is also an understanding that the children are properly insured, there is appropriate supervision levels, the children are properly assessed and reported on with a scheme of work, etc. The social mixing is also great for them. It is also far easier for the staff of a nursery to inform the parents of behavioural issues or social integration problems than it is for a grandparent. My DGS was autistic but the parents dismissed anything I said but realised that there really was a problem when the Nursery Staff asked them if they could get the SEN staff involved.
I started looking after my grandson for 2 days a week when he was 9 months old and, although I think I am quite a tolerant person, I found myself being highly irritated by his parents when they came to pick him up and it was obvious they had been shopping or had gone to the gym first. Admittedly I wasn't being paid for my services but I just felt that I was just being used especially when they sometimes took a day off but I was still expected to look after him, sometimes without knowing they weren't at work. We did manage to sort it out but there was a time when I thought it was going to end up in an argument which I really didn't want. It was also exhausting, cut across my week and not as fulfilling as I had thought it would be so when I wanted to cut my days to once a week, it was very awkward.
You may be a very different person to me but one of the things I also miss on the days I have the grandchildren is adult company. My husband disappears and all my peer group don't really enjoy the company of small children for very long.
Obviously, if you've taken careful consideration of the pros versus cons so you still want to go ahead, then go for it and have a great time really engaging with your grandchildren because that is the best pro there is going.

I know you would love to do it, But what happens if you are ever ill and cannot drive over to her. That then becomes a problem for her.

definitely dont do it

I wouldn’t, you deserve a life after bringing up your own children. Do you really want to be so tied and to effectively be your daughters employee? Your family dynamics will be changed forever (if they haven’t already been). Do please think very carefully about this, the impact a 40 working week will have on you and what sort of life you will have going forward. If your daughter can afford £700 per week she could employ a nanny from a reputable agency where things like insurance will be dealt with.

Such good advice for everyone. One very valid point is to maintain a good relationship with your daughter who obviously thinks very highly of you if she has asked you to look after her children. It's tough for young parents to make ends meet so I get why she has asked you but you might both live to regret it if you take on your grandchildren full time. I have had the immense good fortune to have been actively involved with my three grandsons since their birth and have helped my daughter and daughter in law with child care on a temporary basis to help cut down the cost of nursery care and have loved every minute. Could there be a compromise in your case? Cut down your hours at the nursery and take on your grandchildren two or three days a week? Good luck whatever you decide.

Sorry But I definitely wouldn’t, it will be like having your children young again without as much energy.
I think you may be at risk of loosing the special grandmother time we all love and it becoming a chore, you would be tied to school hours and inset days and not being able to have a life of your own.
I have recently moved over 100 miles to be closer to my daughter and her young family and I help out a lot but I wouldn’t want to do it 40 hrs a week, it could also risk jeopardising the relationship with your daughter.

£700 per month! No
£700 per week. Perhaos Yes. We employ 3 self employed people to help us with work outside and a build we are doing. They are all main wage earners. Two charge £15 per hour. That equates to £600 per week. The third charges us £16 ph. That covers their petrol and fuel needed for equipment they bring. BUT...

I could look after them for short periods but not full time. When I retired (60) I had one GD for a week at a time but wouldn't do it full time.

What if you are ill?

I am uneasy about situations where one family member pays another for services. It can really unbalance the family dynamic. For instance if she doesn't like something about the way you're doing the "job" or you want better pay or conditions, the whole thing can take on an extra layer of unpleasantness. It's impossible to separate business from your relationship when the whole thing involves a customer you're related to as well as kids you're both related to. I'd turn this offer down on that basis alone.