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Grandparenting

Looking after grandchildren

(170 Posts)
semperfidelis Tue 30-Jun-20 10:02:53

I would say no to this. It could be hugely demanding and physically draining. You don't say what age you are and how fit you feel. Most importantly, you are entitled to a life of your own at this stage of your life. I would try to fit in with some of what she asks. Could you offer to do one day per week, and ask to reduce your hours at the nursery so that you can do this? If you don't enjoy your current nursery job, maybe you could find another? Could leaving your job completely have pension implications for you? Your own life independent of your daughter really matters.

DeeDum Tue 30-Jun-20 10:02:09

Definitely not! For more reasons than I have time to list!!
Be careful..

Grannybadger Tue 30-Jun-20 10:01:38

I look after my grandchildren usually, however I am a Registered Childminder so have other children here. As a childminder you are self employed and set your own fees. What your daughter is offering us far less than she would have to pay a childminder in my area at least. Although childminder fees do vary across the country due to local dynamics.
You say you aren’t happy in your job at the nursery, childminding isn’t much different in some ways, and as others have said do you want to do it full time as it won’t give you any time to yourself. I personally wouldn’t do it full time for that money, and loss of my independence.

NotSpaghetti Tue 30-Jun-20 10:01:06

I wouldn't do it. I'm afraid I see lots of possible pitfalls.
Please think carefully and make long lists of pros and cons before you decide.
Good luck.

sazz1 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:00:54

I registered as a childminder when i gave up work to care for my grandson who was 10 months at the time. It was mainly so he could have company and other children to play with. It did cause quite a lot of friction between me and DS1 as he resented paying me half the going rate for childminding ie £2 an hour even though he was taking up a space and you are only allowed 3 children under 5 yrs. DIL put him in nursery at 2 yrs old. Think carefully about this as it can cause problems in the family.

Coconut Tue 30-Jun-20 10:00:32

I personally would, I would so love that quality time with my grandchildren all over again. However, perhaps you should chat further to ensure this is right for you. I presume it will be until the youngest starts school ? What age will you be then etc will you be able to retire then ? Write down all your concerns and chat from there, good luck ...

Esmerelda Tue 30-Jun-20 09:59:14

Good advice, everybody. Lots of questions to be answered but, if you do decide to do it, follow the advice from Scentia and consult a business support service. And make sure you have a 'get out' clause!

Greciangirl Tue 30-Jun-20 09:58:43

How old are you, and do you have the energy?

It’s a different cup of tea, being self employed.
Also, can you afford to work for less.

If money is no problem, maybe work part time at nursery and look after your grandchildren part time.
If you can both work out suitable hours between you.
Obviously putting three children in nursery full time, isn’t an option.
When my Dd went back to work part time, I offered to pay some of my grandsons nursery fees to help her out.
Would that be an option for you, maybe. You could then carry on with your job.
.

Farawaynanny Tue 30-Jun-20 09:58:26

Of course it must be your decision but this is a huge commitment. You will have little if any time for yourself, even to go shopping, see friends etc. Your weekends will be taken up with housework. When do you get some relaxation? What happens if you are unwell? What happens if one or all of the children are unwell? We all remember how bugs can affect a whole family. On the positive side, you get to spend lots of time with your grandchildren. I hope you make the decision that’s right for you.

Applegran Tue 30-Jun-20 09:57:01

Think carefully and imagine your life if you do this, before you commit. I would also think very carefully about your relationship with your daughter and what it would feel like if she is employing you and any difficulties arise, or if you begin to feel you are not being paid enough, or you decide it isn't working but by then she is relying on you. It could all work out well - but its an unusual situation to be employed by your daughter, so needs thinking about carefully.

Tweedle24 Tue 30-Jun-20 09:55:54

If you felt confident and happy about doing this,you would not be asking Gransnet. I suggest you think really hard and deeply about this. Bear in mind that working for your daughter would be very different from working for a company with a formal contract. For example, if you were not feeling well one day while at your current job, presumably you could take sick time. You would have a real dilemma if that happened while working for your daughter.

Whatever you decide. Good luck

Aepgirl Tue 30-Jun-20 09:54:06

This surely is not all about money. I think it's a great responsibility taking care of 3 children full-time. Obviously in your present job you have backup and sociability from your colleagues.
I would think very carefully about giving up your present job. It may also affect the relationship you have with your grandchildren.
You say you 'I'm free to do what ever with the two other grandchildren' - but you won't be free.

Scentia Mon 29-Jun-20 18:30:16

If you want to do it then go it. As a self employed person you can offset a lot of your costs against tax. Your clothes, your fuel any items you buy for the children so it is not all that bad, even a mobile phone can be through your ‘company’ take some advice from a business support service in your area, there will be lots if you look online, search starting a business in ‘where you live’

trisher Mon 29-Jun-20 18:29:06

I think you should find out a lot more before you agree to anything. For instance the 3 year old will be eligible for free nursery hours will your DD agree to you taking her? Then you would just have 1 child for some days. How long will this job last Will your DD still want you when the children start school? Will you have the same benefits as your present job- pension, sick pay, holiday pay?
Make lists of the benefits of doing this job and the benefits of staying in your present job. Then decide. Good luck.

Kwill Mon 29-Jun-20 18:13:18

At the moment I do 38 hours. For a lot more money. However i know longer enjoy my job. I would have travel to my daughters which is around 6 miles away. Take my granddaughter to school and then I'm free to do what ever with the two other grandchildren. I would also be required to have my oldest granddaughter on inset days.

Bridgeit Mon 29-Jun-20 18:01:43

How do the hours etc compare to your nursery job?
How much travel is involved? How many years are you committing to?
How tied to home will you be etc.?
It’s a hard decision to make & quite an ask, good luck & best wishes.

MissAdventure Mon 29-Jun-20 17:55:01

Plus, I wouldn't want to be around three children for that many hours a week.

welbeck Mon 29-Jun-20 17:53:56

what is the hourly rate then.
sounds very low.
why would you have to pay for their food out of your wages.
be very careful.

MissAdventure Mon 29-Jun-20 17:53:25

I wouldn't, mostly because I think it would be easy to get to a point when your life will start to revolve around your daughter's.

I think it's important to have contact with people outside your family.

Kwill Mon 29-Jun-20 17:48:48

Hi
My daughter as asked me from September to look after her 3 children. One I will be taking to and from school. One child is 3 and one is 9 months. I will have them every day for 40 hours a week. She wants me to give up my nursery nurse job and pay me £700. I would then become self employed. I would get 13 weeks off with pay. Want I want to know does anyone else do this? Would anyone else do this? I will have petrol to pay out of this as well as food for lunches.