My grandchild will be 2 weeks old before I see her

Gosh two weeks is nothing. I am going to have to wait at least 18 months before I see my grandchild that was born in February this year due to distance and flights being cancelled.

Respect the parents wishes. This is their baby, not yours

My first grandchild was born on the 4th April, I didn’t get to see her until a couple of weeks ago and then wasn’t allowed to hold her until last week. My daughter was so anxious with all the COVID restrictions. Was I upset? A little, if I’m honest, but I had to respect their decision. I finally got to hold her last week...and it was so worth the wait!! (3 months of waiting, I only live an hour or so away)
In all honesty, I think having a couple of months with no visitors has been wonderful for them. The baby is happy and settled and the dad is doing a fantastic job of looking after both his wife and the baby. Visitors, however well meaning may have disrupted that.

Have some patience, keep a smile on your face...this is about them, not you. When you get to finally hold that baby it will be worth everything.

Yes be patient lady, you have a lifetime of visits with grandchildren and they are just that, grandchildren, not your children and you need to go by what the mum and dad want All seven of my grandchildren were born overseas my first born was in NZ I didn’t see her till she was toddling, the second one in NZ was about 8 months old and they have a Nan and grandad in the next road ? no point wearing myself out with jealousy My kids were all older starting families so I d waited and waited.for the news
The ones born in Europe were all three weeks old when we first met it’s not a given right to be there at the beginning
The couple need there own time together to bond with the baby and settle themselves without other generations getting on board so soon
I had my first born all alone in a foreign country she was 18 months old before my parents met her but they had so much involvement as she grew up, with my second mum took my first one for a weeks holiday and the third one mum came up on a coach to help for a week I didn’t have any in laws or others visit I was sitting on a ring with mastitis no thanks, best left alone

Not surprising that you feel upset, OP, but 2 weeks will soon be gone - do enjoy your first cuddle! And many congratulations on your new little grandchild.

Even before Covid was a factor, if MN is anything to go by, many new parents are now very precious about anyone, even grandparents, visiting for the first couple of weeks, or even a month, in case it interferes with their ‘bonding as a little family’. More often with first babies, though - I suspect that most aren’t nearly as fussy with 2nd or subsequent babies.

I know some visitors can be a pain, esp. if they’re the type who come empty handed instead of bringing meals, or just sit there expecting to be given cups of tea, but such people can usually be tactfully put off.

I’m so glad my dd was never precious about it - rather the reverse. We were there within hours after all 3 of hers - last was born in early January and it was only just over an hour before dh and I, plus the two little elder Gdcs, were enjoying cuddles in the hospital.

It was very hard not being able to see or cuddle the wee new one for so long during lockdown though.

I saw all my grandchildren within hours of their birth, I was very lucky.
But they all live very close and I could visit and leave when they wanted me to or when I wanted to.
I remember coming home with my first born to find my parents literally on the doorstep, I would have liked to get in the house for a few hours just the three of us and when the next three came along they were being wonderful and childminding the older ones so hubby could bring me home. It really is a no win situation, I would have liked time alone with the new baby and the other children.
They also lived 120 miles away so they couldn’t come and go for short visits, maybe offer to stay in a local hotel and just call??

I felt the same with my first, didn't want any family to come for a couple of weeks until I felt confident, it's about them and the baby, not you. Sorry if that sounds harsh and I do understand you will want to see the baby asap but stay away until invited or you could spoil your relationship for good

Jane43 Fri 03-Jul-20 Jane43 Fri 03-Jul-20 10:50:56
“. I would advise you to appreciate from the start that the maternal grandmother will always come first. “
This is a very sweeping statement. Even if the new birth mother has a close relationship with her own mother , this does not necessarily mean that as a grandparent she will come first.My daughter treats both sets equally and fairly.

For the sake of your sanity (and future relationship with your son, daughter in law and new grandchild) STOP feeling jealous and START feeling glad for them all ... although you may find that the other grandparents don't get to see the baby any sooner than you do. You are creating a problem that doesn't exist.
Above all, remember that this is not your baby!

I know exactly how you feel, I look at grandparents & think, I wish I could see or be with my Grandchildren, I haven't seen mine for three years due to lies told by social workers.

They perhaps don't want visitors straight away because of the current situation. The pandemic is still going on and we all have to be careful. I think they are right to want to bond together as a family, visitors are very exhausting. Respect their wishes, and push back the jealous feelings. The other parents love their grandchild just as much as you do. It's not their fault that they will probably see the child first. You will be part of the child's life when things get back to normal. I have three grandchildren in Canada. I ring them weekly and see them once a year and we have a strong bond despite the distance. Just be patient. We've all had to go through painful things this year and we will get through. I do know how you feel, I would have been in Canada this week with my grandchildren, but it will be next summer now. But I'm not the only one and that helps in an odd way.

Try to focus on looking forward to when you will see your grandchild, get them to post lots of pics on line and destract yourself with getting a little basket full of goodies for them all to take. I can still remember the first two weeks of babyhood, sleepless nights, just feeling like a zombie, and not really wanting any visitors, it can be scarey being a new mum and dad. I expect they just need that first two weeks to get into a routine. Once you go over you will be left to babysit and get loads of cuddles?

Heavens above there are far worse things going on in the world than worring which set of grand parents are going to see a new baby first! I thought 'no visitors' meant NO visitors. Still if that is all you have to worry about - lucky you!!

Agree with above. If you want to get near them. And actually love them and prioritise their health over your desperation you need to go there. Isolate for two weeks and then see them.

I didn't know that, NotSpaghetti!

Callistemon, presumably the mum too - whose immune system will be lower. I believe it takes a while to get back to "normal" after being suppressed during pregnancy.

Hithere

It doesnt matter that you are self isolating before trip.

That effort is cancelled and meaningless the second you put your foot out the door and go on the ferry and your accommodations.

Yes, it is. You need to self-isolate for two weeks after getting there.
I wouldn't be rushing to cuddle a new baby if I'd just travelled on public transport of any kind just at the moment.

Is it possible to do that?

How sensible they are to make their wishes known ahead of time so that there can be no misunderstanding. It's such a special time that they can never have again as they learn to be parents to their precious new baby. I can understand your longing to see your new grandchild, but your patience will pay dividends

I commend you for respecting your son and dil's wishes for the 2 week wait.

Enjoy the visit!

I suppose my point is, that we are respecting my son’s wishes.

It doesnt matter that you are self isolating before trip.

That effort is cancelled and meaningless the second you put your foot out the door and go on the ferry and your accommodations.

Thank you for your very valuable comments - all of them. Of course we need to be extra careful and we have agreed we will isolate for those two weeks before travelling. We are taking what we feel is the safest form of transport (ferry) so we have the option to go on deck. We are not staying with my son and daughter in law, but booking self contained accommodation (not a hotel). Our intention of course is to see our grandchild, but also be ‘on hand’ should they need anything. And yes indeed, jealousy will just tear us apart. Thank you once again for help getting my head sorted ?

Each to their own - I had visitors as soon as I came home with the baby and we were pleased to show him off. Having visitors did not stop us in any way from bonding with the baby; to be honest, I was glad of the visits, especially once my husband went back to work after a week. Most of my visitors were only too pleased to help me and it gave me a chance to have a shower and sort myself out whilst they watched the baby.

This is very common nowadays and allows the new family time together to bond with the baby without being stressed with visitors. Yes most will say but I would help, cook, iron etc but that is still a source of stress sometimes for new parents to think about. It is not very long to wait and not easy with restrictions just now. My neighbour's SiL was not allowed in with his wife when she was being monitored for pre-eclampsia or for the induction until her labour started so try to think how hard it is currently instead of focussing on what you maybe expected. Neighbour still not seen grandson yet after 3 weeks and they live in same town.

NotSpaghetti

lemongrove this is not a trend - I wanted that private time when breastfeeding is established and a new dynamic realised to myself and my husband along with the new baby's siblings.

It's a time that gives a newly formed family a time to "settle".

It's a matter of choice. It's a time "suspended" which glued us together in a precious and deep way as a little family. I feel to call this deeply empowering, loving and perfect (almost spiritual) time "a trend" is rather dismissive and belittling.

I know I have been lucky with my (mostly) straightforward and (all but the first) at-home births but I'll always remember these few days as something magical. There is plenty of time to share the love afterwards.

Please give the new family some time to themselves. They will love you all the more for it.

Notspag
It was your choice to make at the time....but plenty of other new Mothers couldn’t wait to show off their new baby, and often wanted their parents at the bedside.
I do think it’s a trend now, as have read quite a lot of comments about doing this on Mumsnet.If you don’t like the word ‘trend’ that’s too bad.

OP this is not a good way to begin. You will have your own relationship with your grandchild in time.

Being angry and jealous now is not going to help you.
When your AC has their own family you have to listen and step back if that is what they want.

Also think how terrible you would feel if your travelling to see the baby resulted them being ill.

we are living through a very tough time.
Be patient and just keep sending them your love.
Your time with the baby will come.