Daughter and soninlaw have let housework slide during lockdown

I think I worry because she had a depressive episode in her teens and self neglect was an indicator then. She is not neglecting her daughter, she is brilliant with her, spends lots of time with her, teaching her really well, but the house is completely neglected.

My son and DIL have a very messy house, not all that clean at times. They also have two happy intelligent affectionate extremely well fed children.

Anothergranny please don't clean their house without permission. If the baby has nap, maybe you could tidy the kitchen but definitely don't touch any other living space while they are out. Just let them have a break and spend the time with grandchild.

I wouldn't mention anything unless it is a serious biological hazard.

Did you otherwise enjoy the visit? That is what counts.

I think because I live so far away it's really difficult for things not to get blown out of proportion, my granddaughter is happy, content and progressing well and normally a bit of mess wouldn't bother me, but the entire house looks like a teenagers bedroom, I hope it's just temporary with the situation we are in. I won't be able to go back down until the end of August and was thinking of offering to babysit so they could have some time away together, then I could clean up as a surprise for them coming home.

I wouldn't worry too much about the house but if you have concerns about your grandchild
AnotherGranny then perhaps you need to talk to your daughter and son in law. Maybe you could offer to stay for a few days or for your family to come to you for a while if that's possible.

I can imagine how you might itch to help clean up & sort out your little family but I agree with Starblaze. They're five hours away anyway so you may end up being a huge help only to find that on subsequent visits standards have slipped again. Will you want to keep making five hour treks to repeat the exercise? I'd stay out of it unless asked for help. Otherwise you might risk alienation? I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. Leave them to it.

A lot of people are stressed, depressed and fed up with the same four walls. Housework has become a constant monotony because people are home 24/7 creating more mess. Absolutely say nothing unless there are signs of serious neglect.

Can you not visit again and offer to help? If you have the kind of relationship where you could be frank with her, you could tell her that you know it's hard looking after a little one and working, but you are worried about her and DGC. I could say it to my children (and they could say it to me) without any bad feeling, but I know not everyone is the same. I would be itching to help clean and tidy and if your DGC smells, then something has to be done.

Surely you could ask your son in law how she is? A messy home is not necessarily any indication of depression, though. If they've been there all the time, perhaps working from home too, there is bound to be more housework to do. Maybe he's not doing his fair share?

Mum is that you?