Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

He does sound a handful but not that unusual. I have a similar aged grandson who is into everything and it can be tiring amusing him and keeping him safe and well fed. My Fitbit records 7000 steps without leaving the house when I am minding him, and over 10,000 when we go out to the park.
I currently have him from 8.30am to 4pm on Tuesdays, with his two older brothers. He is full of energy and I know his parents are not very consistent, but he knows that in 'Nanny's house' food, whether meals or occasional snacks, is eaten sitting down by the table, in a high chair with its own tray, drinks given in a sippy cup which is taken away when he has finished drinking what he wants at that point. It is not left with him, otherwise he will sprinkle it on the floor when he's had enough. His hands are washed and wiped well after eating to stop him getting too many finger marks on furniture and walls.
When he has finished eating, l do not let him play with food. I take him out of his high chair as soon as it evident he has finished eating. I don't give him snacks before meals as it dampens his appetite too much and he will throw his food around if he is not hungry. Water is given most of the time between meals, milk juice or squash to be drunk at the table only or not all all. He is not yet really interested in children's TV but likes to look at picture books sometimes, and playing in the garden,with water play in warm weather, playing with Duplo and and a duplo train set, emptying kitchen cupboards and bookcases ( child locks recently re- installed on the out of bounds cupboards) and clambering up and down stairs a few times, under supervision. He usually has just under an hour's nap after lunch. He likes going out for walks in his buggy to the park. I do devote the whole day to caring for him and his brothers and get nothing else done while he is with me, and yes, cooking proper food can be difficult while he is under my feet but I usually prepare what I can before he arrives at 8.30 in the morning. They grow up so quickly and he should learn to adapt to your rules if you are consistent. .
When he and his brothers are collected, I then collapse onto sofa with a hot cup of tea!

Eazybee is one of the few talking sense. All this talk suggesting because he is only 15month old this behaviour is acceptable just compounds in my head why there are so many young people with anti social behaviours, little respect causing mayhem! If a child from the outset is shown what is acceptable and what is not believe me they know even as young as 15 months right from wrong. You don't have to shout, you just need to use a firm tone that signals a certain behaviour is not what you want & give lots of praise for the right behaviours. Goodness me when do you start telling a child it's wrong to throw food, grind food on the carpets, disregard parents / carers etc, etc - when they start school and then you wonder why no one wants to play with them and teachers constantly have to talk to you about their disruptive behaviour. They may only be 15 months old but try stopping these behaviours when they are a strapping, attitudal 15 year old!

Lucca

Cabbie21

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

Another example of how useful it would be if OP posts were highlighted during threads and sooooo many people don’t read anything but the first post.

I think it has turned into a general discussion about delinquent babies, Lucca.

Zinfandel7

Soft play

Shut

janeainsworth

Lucca Is that a brick wall I see before me?
<bangs head>

Yes I think it is......

We did have visitors who called unexpectedly with their four children who marauded through the house, broke a vase and when I called for them to come downstairs before they trashed my house, the parents look affronted!
The youngest was about 6, old enough to know better.

However, yes, Daddima he is A BABY and it's up to the adults to organise his environment and give him plenty of stimulation and enough to occupy him.

MissAdventure

I'm bugged if I'd let someone charge around grinding food into my soft furnishings; grandchild or not!
They're the sort of visitors that everyone dreads coming.

Me neither. High chair then the table.
Why would anyone let a baby, a child, wander around with food in their hands?
Actually, we had a high chair that split into a low chair and little table, useful for getting them used to sit at a table.
And also for sitting with crayons and paper etc.

I'll never forget going house hunting for our first house and the 4 year old son was eating syrup sandwiches (!) and came over to give me a hug!

Firstly, I think Dorsetcupcake has posted on the wrong thread!
I’m wondering if people have really realised that the child is 15 MONTHS OLD! Do you expect him to know that pouring water ‘ to his heart’s content’ is to be a solution in the garden, but unacceptable in the house? Or that a baby ( for that is what he is) will deliberately ‘ laugh at’ his carer when he is chastised?
I’m also getting a mental picture of the child marauding through the house looking for things to destroy, which is not behaviour I’d expect a baby to exhibit.
I do hope granny finds that the strategies she has decided to use will work. Good luck!

well, i am astonished at some of these replies.

Listen to those people who have said to set boundaries and routines, and something like a naughty step. You need to agree these with his mum so that she backs you up whilst he's in your house anyway. It would be ideal if she has the same rules and expectations at her house too. A small rug or a cushion or a plastic hoola hoop to sit on can also be used as a time out space instead of a naughty step. The advantage of these is that mum could have identical ones at her house too or they could be taken between the two houses. You can then be very quiet and calm and maybe not talk much at all just say no and take him to the time out space/ naughty step and ignore him for a short time.
Children crave attention and at the moment he is getting lots of attention for the things you don't want him to be doing. So try ignoring him when he misbehaves or plays in ways you find unacceptable, walk away turn your back on him and start playing yourself with something you want him to play with. Whenever he plays or behaves in an acceptable way give him loads of attention.
Outside energetic play or going for walks with him on reins will help. The food he is eating is possibly adding to his exuberant moods so try only offering him healthy foods when at your house, he won't starve, if he's hungry he will eat and if he doesn't he can fill up at home! Provide a buffet of small amounts of fruits and veg and cheese cooked meats etc and let him choose. Let him see you choosing and eating these things too.
Also with your health conditions you may need to look after him for shorter periods of time. Can he go to a nursery for a short while each day? That would give you a bit of a break and you could work with the staff there on his behaviour.
I think it's harder to put in boundaries and routines with grandchildren as you don't see them all the time and so you tend to devote all your time and attention on them and want them to love being with you when you do have them and spoil them.
Good luck.

I do worry about how this is affecting little ones. Many happy times have been spent in soft play and toddler groups where they learn to be sociable and negotiate. Lovely storytelling sessions in the library. The concept of social distancing goes against everything childeren need. Let's just the vaccine is a success and more is found out about any risks to this group. I must admit its helped during this pandemic knowing that grandchilderen are not high risk and their parents are lower risk too.

MissAdventure

I'm bugged if I'd let someone charge around grinding food into my soft furnishings; grandchild or not!
They're the sort of visitors that everyone dreads coming.

Nope, nor would I, which is why he would only be eating in his high chair!

I'm bugged if I'd let someone charge around grinding food into my soft furnishings; grandchild or not!
They're the sort of visitors that everyone dreads coming.

he goes around the house searching for things he shouldn't have then trashing them

How?
No stair gate? No doors?
Some children are docile and some are exploring the world around them but it's up to the adults to control the environment and make it safe.

It is up to the adults around him to provide some structure, not up to the baby.

Esspee

@paddyanne @nanaK54 @Callistemon Do you really believe it is normal for a 15 month year old to be destructive, throw all his food on the floor, only eat junk food, deliberately pour juice on the floor, grinding food underfoot and deliberately trashing things?
The rest of his behaviour sounds normal but the ones I listed above are huge red flags and need to be addressed by the parents.

No, it's not normal for a baby of 15 months to only eat junk food.
As, presumably, he hadn't done his own food shopping, I did suggest earlier in the thread that his poor diet could be part of the problem. He needs healthy, nutritious food.
If he is strapped into a high chair to eat then he won't be able to grind food underfoot.
If he is only allowed water he won't be able to pour juice on the furniture.
I don't know what he is trashing. Toys? The house?

Yes, it is normal for babies learning to feed themselves to drop food.
Yes, it is normal but he has been allowed to trundle around doing these things instead of being shown a better way.

Shouting, naughty steps, negativity is not the answer. Some positive parenting is obviously needed and the poor OP is worn out with it.

The solution is nursery which is what they will be doing.
The OP wanted suggestions and I think there are some very good ones on here.

Boys ARE different, they have way more energy and don't CARE what you think of them. You need to find something, anything, that he likes. He's 15 months, so saying he is deliberately trashing things or destroying carpets etc is a bit much. Cover the carpet in a cheap shower curtain and let him have at it. I used this religiously at meal times, only way to stop the carpet being destroyed.

Have you spoken to your daughter about how she manages his behaviour?- if it's normal at home, and she isn't raising these issues and trying to change the behaviour, you are never going to succeed in changing this on a part time basis.

It's also been a while since you had very young children, your life and abilities are different. Accept that you possibly aren't fit enough to keep up with him and this is potentially why he's getting a hold of things he shouldn't. Maybe you need to be honest with his parents and say that you aren't up to it anymore? It's also deathly boring for a toddler to sit in all day if you aren't fit enough to go out with him (which I accept is another horrific challenge in and of itself), and maybe he needs a toddler group/ nursery so he can mix with other children and model (hopefuly) better behaviour?

Boys need activity and new things to hold their interest - simple and cheap stuff works - make your own playdoh, lets him mix things, add food colouring etc, then gives him a toy to play with at the end of it. Making a music maker from pasta or rice in an empty container.

Chalk for the path - let him scribble away to his hearts content and then you can wash it away when he goes home. Boys like mess and play. If you aren't fit to do the running around stuff, then you have to do the messy stuff I'm afraid. Just prepare for him coming to minimise the mess, but let him do fun messy stuff that he can enjoy and isn't going to make you cross. He'll see that gran isn't always complaining, and that you can enjoy one another's company.

Speak to his parents. They do need to know whats going on & be honest with them about whats going on. They may just be able to cope with this but if you can't & both problems you have with fibromyalgia & COPD will make it difficult to cope.
By speaking with them you may be able to sort this out

Oh and well I'm at it 'stop' in a firm voice (not shouting) is often far more effective than 'no', but really just don't give him the opportunity for his less than desirable behaviour

Esspee

@paddyanne @nanaK54 @Callistemon Do you really believe it is normal for a 15 month year old to be destructive, throw all his food on the floor, only eat junk food, deliberately pour juice on the floor, grinding food underfoot and deliberately trashing things?
The rest of his behaviour sounds normal but the ones I listed above are huge red flags and need to be addressed by the parents.

I can't speak for the others, but for my part yes absolutely, he just needs a little distraction when he behaves in this way and certainly not 'shouting at' or putting on a 'naughty step', he is 15 months for heavens sakes.
I would certainly want to explore how he behaves at home and cut the 'junk' and 'colours' from his diet.
As previously suggested he would only be eating and drinking in his high chair and he would be getting lots of outdoor play if he was in my care
Much of this thread has made me feel sad

All the best with the new regime, OP! The change of diet will certainly help, and I’m sure the days at Nursery will work wonders - my AC have all by choice sent their boys for at least one day a week, and I went very quickly from being cynical about paid childcare to a firm believer in its benefits.

My hat’s off to you for coping with a very boisterous boy five days a week, especially with your health issues. We’ve loved looking after our four grandsons from when they were very young (and still do), but have never done, or been asked to do, more than 3 days a week in total. You need rest days!

We’ll be having our latest addition for one day a week from next April, when he’ll be twelve months old. We’re very much looking forward to it, but are certainly hoping the soft plays will have re-opened by then!

2mason16- and how right you were. We are fit, energetic 70is years old- but no way would be look after a 15 months old full-time, every day. There is a good reason we are built to have children when we are younger - and anyhow, what quality of life does that leave for you? You must talk to your daughter and put your foot down- and insist on 2 half days a week max.

The opportunity to do those things need to be removed, that's all, and that is down to the adults, because a child of that age isn't going to put his own boundaries in place.

@paddyanne @nanaK54 @Callistemon Do you really believe it is normal for a 15 month year old to be destructive, throw all his food on the floor, only eat junk food, deliberately pour juice on the floor, grinding food underfoot and deliberately trashing things?
The rest of his behaviour sounds normal but the ones I listed above are huge red flags and need to be addressed by the parents.