Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

The difference is he is a boy! I had 2 girls and then a boy! All he wanted to do was run around and make a noise! It was hard to get him to sit still long enough to engage him in play or books. Especially at the age your grandson is. My advice would be talk to your daughter and tell her you can't look after him at the moment because it's impacting your health. Maybe when he is past this stage you can have him again, 3 to 4 is a nicer age!

Cabbie21

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

Another example of how useful it would be if OP posts were highlighted during threads and sooooo many people don’t read anything but the first post.

Sounds like a 15 month old boy toddler to me. I had one son and one daughter
and both my son and three grandsons And one granddaughter were like that. When they were that age I moved everything they shouldn’t touch and made my living room a playroom with a gate to keep them in there unless I went with them. Best times of my life looking after them. Enjoy your time and leave the cleaning till he’s gone home. I understand you get tired. I have bad arthritis and have good days snd bad days, but I do what I can when I can. The main thing is to appreciate what you have.

My middle child a boy was similar.
Life was very hard.

We got a referral to a child psychologist, the first thing we had to do was establish a rigid routine.
When I say rigid I mean it!!
Same morning greeting, same bedtime story, we had to explain every journey and outing, no surprises.
6.30 bath, 7.00 drink, story and bed.
Wake at 7.00 even if you had been up all night with him!!
We also put him on a 100% pure diet, nothing artificial, no gravy browning, sugar, juice etc.
It worked a treat, within 3 months we had a happy child.
We gradually reintroduced different foods and quickly discovered the culprits.
He was still traumatised from a difficult birth and had big reactions to E numbers etc, they caused real hyperactivity.

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

Oh Cher, I feel your pain, I can give hope but unfortunately not a solution. My grandson behaved in exactly this way, I'd brought up two sons and never experienced anything like it. Deliberately destructive, defiant and like yours, just laughed if you tried to reason with him or discipline him. He's 5 1/2 now and started school last September (for all of 6 months before lockdown). He had a very bumpy start behaviour wise but his teacher gradually turned him around with support from home and now he is a sweet, funny and charming little boy. He still has the occasional meltdown and still laughs at you when you tell him off, but I think that will gradually fade away too. We've traced a lot of bad behaviour to being tired or hungry, easier to deal with when you know the cause. I agree with what others have said, you need to structure his day as much as possible, we found DGS was a joy if you engaged him in an activity he was interested in, which can of course be very tiring all day every day. I used to keep reminding myself how little he was, tough though.

Has he learnt to count up to ten, know his colours?
he's 15 months old so would only be counting by rote and would probably not understand the concept yet.
Some babies aren't saying much at all at that age, boys are often slower than girls at talking. He should understand the word 'No', though, but shouting at a baby, as the OP said she does, should not happen.
It means the carer has lost control, probably understandable if she is tired and unable to cope.
Perhaps the couple of days at nursery will help.

He sounds as if he needs a lot of attention which can be fun, but tiring.
There is no shame in saying that you don't feel up to it, Cher. They are incredibly hard work.

I’m sure it’s all been said. I had two boys with 18 months between them, but don’t remember this sort of behaviour, throwing and other dangerous actions would be nipped in the bud as soon as it started unless it is a foam ball, but don’t let him chew it.
Things to try if you haven’t already.
Say NO loudly and firmly, as you would to a dog, a simple way to make him understand that something is unacceptable. eg throwing, but you can get a small child's ball ( a small beach ball) and play catch or football with it outside only. It will take him time to master this.
When out use reins if you can still get them.
Even go out when it’s wet or raining - wellies and mac, jumping in puddles is fun. Playgrounds are open now in our area.
When he has got rid of a bit of energy, play music -all sorts, easy listening, classical, sixties pop, show him how to dance or move to it, eg marching, jumping, rolling over.
Find unbreakable objects - plastic, wood, metal, and let him hit them with a wooden spoon and hear the different noises he can make. A toy like a dump truck he can load and tip up might keep him quiet for ages, indoors or out. You can let him use small unbreakable items to put into it such as balls of wool, small tins of food, plastic cartons etc.
Have some baby’s board books and let him snuggle up and turn the pages. With pictures of animals make the appropriate noise.
Has he learnt to count up to ten, know his colours?
I assume you have some age appropriate harmless plastic toys. If he throws things it is either frustration or temper, can you watch and work out why?
He may not understand why his mother is dumping him on you after he has presumably been at home with her. I sympathise with those that have no choice but to go out to work, the first few years of a child’s life are so precious, the foundation of who they will be is being laid.
Can you look after him in his own home sometimes if not always?
If necessary don’t be afraid to say that your health is not up to it, maybe your daughter can go part time.

Boys get easily bored especially toddler boys, and they have tremendous amounts of energy to burn. If you could take him out and find some way of burning off this excess energy he will be so much easier to manage. I used to get my sons playing an obstacle course in the garden, riding their push along bikes, seeing how fast they could run etc and when indoors dancing to music and then drawing and making things. Girls tend to occupy themselves more, but boys are different in my experience. I have 2 sons, 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters. I'm not being gender prejudiced but it's just something I've experienced. If you can tire him out and then keep him engaged he'll be much easier. I don't think he's got anything wrong with him. My sons were the same at his age and my grandsons. It's a shame about social distancing or you could have taken him to a playgroup to play with other children and have new experiences. It's difficult for you with your health issues though, and I do feel for you. Maybe as things reopen you might be able to find some groups to take him too? Good luck.

We had one of those! He was definitely a challenge! But we did discipline him by being firm and he didn’t like it. However he is now an adorable little 4 year old. He loves us and he is polite and a joy to be round. If you do not be firm you can ruin a child. They need boundaries even at 15 months.

I haven't read all of this so I hope I am not repeating something already mentioned. My GS could be like this but my DD worked out it was the quavers and those cheesy snack things whose name I have forgotten that was making him hyper so I would stop giving him those. It was apparently something in the coloured stuff that's in them. Sorry I know I am not explaining this very well but in short keep him off orange coloured snacks.

Cher69

On e again thank you so much to those wonderful ladies on here who totally understand where I am coming from. I dont want to stop having him I love him to the core he is a beautiful little boy and not like this all the time. Which is what makes me think its food. I know children throw things etc and accept that and can deal with all the normal stuff it's when he goes into overdrive that I find myself lost because he will not engage he is off and on one. I found a tv programme yesterday that stops him in his tracks and calms him so there we go simple as that. Thank you so much for suggesting it. We did tv together before lockdown to get him of to sleep nursery rhymes etc. But obviously he has grown out of those now and needs new stimulation and thank the lord I have found it. Thankyou again all of you. New day! new routine! New food! new toys! and new more enlightened nanny. Looking forward to the next part of our adventure together. I will keep you updated if you like to let you all know what I did and how we go on. If that's ok! Xxxx

I think the change of food will bring major changes good luck

My granddaughter is 15 months, and would never behave like this. None of my grandchildren have, and neither did my children. They understand very well. I’m afraid I believe it’s something we see all too often now, lack of discipline. I don’t mean smacking/ shouting....just being firm and showing the child authority. There’s too much pandering to them to the point they’re in charge and not the parents.
An interesting documentary about a year ago, focused on 999 calls. One particular week, they were looking at calls from parents at the end of their tethers with unruly children, from all backgrounds, wanting the police to take them away! The police were saying they’ve had surges of these type calls for the last 15 years or so.
Cher69 I think you should stop looking after him for the sake of your own health. You didn’t put up with it with your own children, why should you now. I agree boys can be more ‘ lively’, but that’s not the same as plain naughtiness. Any measures you put in place to control him when he’s with you, are just undone the minute he goes home. Look after yourself.

I do wonder if you have forgotten what its like to have a 15month old if the last ones you had were your own kids?
Sitting down to play isn't something that the ones I know do unless they are tired!!

And I would confine food and drink unless he is sitting down (high chair if he has one) - I've never been one for letting kids wander round with food or drink. Maybe as it's summer you could have food outside as picnics are always fun!!

Dorsetcupcake61, having brought up two sons and two daughters, I really can't agree about gender differences in behaviour.

Mine were all very active and boisterous. They behaved in similar ways. I believe any perceived differences are just that, reflections of an unconscious parental change in expectations and treatment. We need to guard against directing children into traditional male or female behaviour.

Soeey, bit i agree with Tigger this is not normal behaviour,i have had 4 boys including twins,and never had this kind of behaviour
Also i have several grandsons and one of them did carry on like this and was eventually diagnosed as having Aspbergers.
I hope this is not the case with your grandson, but it sounds very familiar,even to only wanting certain foods etc.
I think you should ask your daughter if he behaves like this at home? if so he is either not supervised and let do what he likes ,or there is a problem which needs to be addressed before he gets too much older
Not what anyone wants to hear,but you are struggling and fighting a losing battle by the sound of it,

Xrgran
This is not toddler boys behave, it is how toddlers behave. Period. Boy and girl toddlers

General comment: stereotyping behaviour by gender is a misogynist behaviour we have to change. Example: "boys will be boys" has to stop. It is "children will be children"
It depends on the personality of the child, not the gender.

If OP does what you suggest, the gs would not visit for a very long time.
Have you heard of terrible 2s or 3s?
A normal 15 month old behaviour is nothing compared to what's coming

Some grands do a great job at taking care of their grandchildren.
Om the other hand, your way of thinking is why children are better in daycare where professional and realistic standards are followed
A child doesn't deserve to be punished for behaving based on their biological age.

Certainly, as others say, baby-proof the rooms he will be in.

Do make sure nothing you don't want him to get hold of is where he can reach it.

Next ask your daughter what she does when the boy throws food on the floor or refuses to eat?

This is normal behaviour in a child of his age, he is unconsciously trying to get you to do what he is used to at home and trying to get you to let him do all the things his mother doesn't allow too.

You and your daughter need to agree what he is allowed to do and what not. Children like and need boundaries, as long as they are sensible and made kindly.

Cher69 I really feel for you. Some judgemental, patronising and at times hurtful replies on this thread. Enough to make you wish you hadn’t asked.

I hope you’ll benefit from the helpful advice that’s been suggested. A boisterous 15 month old can be hard work for a fit young parent but for a senior with medical problems it can be an uphill struggle. You sound like a great mum and gran and your days will soon get easier as this little whirlwind starts to settle into a better routine.

On e again thank you so much to those wonderful ladies on here who totally understand where I am coming from. I dont want to stop having him I love him to the core he is a beautiful little boy and not like this all the time. Which is what makes me think its food. I know children throw things etc and accept that and can deal with all the normal stuff it's when he goes into overdrive that I find myself lost because he will not engage he is off and on one. I found a tv programme yesterday that stops him in his tracks and calms him so there we go simple as that. Thank you so much for suggesting it. We did tv together before lockdown to get him of to sleep nursery rhymes etc. But obviously he has grown out of those now and needs new stimulation and thank the lord I have found it. Thankyou again all of you. New day! new routine! New food! new toys! and new more enlightened nanny. Looking forward to the next part of our adventure together. I will keep you updated if you like to let you all know what I did and how we go on. If that's ok! Xxxx

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Children of this age should not have any sugar! My grandson who’s 13 months has only had a very small piece of carrot age on his birthday and doesn’t even have honey.
Even a small amount can make them crazy. It seems as if he would be a different child if his diet was suitable for a child of his age.And you might enjoy his visits.

Personally I’d refuse to have him until his behaviour improves! Why is it assumed a boy can trash his grandparents house just because that’s being a boy. God help us if this is the message we are giving male children.

His diet sounds as if it’s responsible for 90% of his awful behaviour and if it’s not tackled now he’ll end up diagnosed with ADHD and on Ritalin ? Why not get hold of a baby/toddler baby cook book and make a few things for him? Then you can suggest things to his parents. We find potato gnocchi and risotto are great and easy to prepare.
No wonder you dread his visits I’m in total sympathy with you.

I personally set down some house rules.

I would only give him food when he is in his high chair and if he trows it away. If he wants a drink, make him sit down and give him a cup and take it away as soon as he is finished.
Perhaps his mum needs to be a bit more strict with him and not let him do as he wishes.
A Lot of children seem to be allowed to do as they want in this day and age.
I brought up 3 sons under 5 and never had any problems like this.

It surprises me that some people think throwing food about and deliberately emptying juice onto the carpet is to be expected. I had 2 boys, very energetic, one of them a climber from 11 months, the other a climber from 2 years. (You try getting two under 5s down from a coconut tree!)
Real fruit juice, squash or any other type of drink other than water or milk is not recommended for children as it rots their teeth and the sugar and E number additives cause behavioural problems.
Use a sippy cup for drinks but have a water play area outside so that he can pour and experiment to his hearts content.
It needn’t be anything flash. Washing up bowl with a sieve, jugs etc. That needs 100% supervision. Children can drown in inches of water.
A mud kitchen can be useful as well as a sandpit.
When the weather is warm I used to allow them to paint with no clothes on. Or a paintbrush and water used on the patio can entertain. When you get to the end of your tether and the weather is bad a bath with loads of water toys is a solution.
Behaviour and food are very much linked. Avoid processed food, snacks should be fruit, veg., cheese, meat. Meals, adult meals slightly adapted (less seasoning, perhaps mashed)
His parents need to be on board with this as there is no point in you giving him healthy food if he gets junk at home.
Lots of room and encouragement to burn up energy, healthy food and cuddles and reading when tired and you will be in control.