Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

I work away for part of the year, but when I'm around, which so far has been about 7/12 months, yes, I have him for at least part of every day. Including weekends.

I would adore being able to have him every day. If I'm able to retire in time, both myself and my daughter (single parent) would either like me to home school him, or do a combination of home school and regular school.

Do you look after him every day Gagajo? Would you?

Cher, I agree, not everyone is sympathetic.

I do understand. My grandson is the same. Very strong, at times manic, loud. He needs managing!

I adore him, but I also don't want my house destroyed and he needs to be taught to respect it and my poor cats!

Same question as GrannyLaine - what do you mean by 'babysit'? Do you look after him every day - for the whole day?
If so, no wonder you are exhausted, especially with the health problems you mentionned.

I truly, really, sincerly believe it is not the job of grandparents to look after a grandchild every day- all day. I am 70 and fit - and yet I could not and would not. There is a good reason we have children when young and fit. Is there anyway you could work out alternatives? And perhaps have him 1 or 2 days a week maximum?

Big cardboard box , lots of soft balls- throwing the balls into the box. Wooden ramp, rolling little cars down it, bubble machine - switch on, catch the bubbles, outdoors - football, water play, help watering the plants, sand pit, bucket of water and a paint brush, collecting stones in a bucket, emptying them out in a bigger bucket. Yes it’s exhausting.

Scentia, I have tried but they throw themselves on the floor or sob. The wrist ones they can get off!
I can't win, and they are too young to understand blackmailing.

Wow! Thankyou so much to those of you who have given me some great advice and ideas and support it's just what I needed. A lot of the things mentioned I have already tried and I have childproofed my flat. I also wanted to say that I have looked after him since birth and everything was fine before lockdown. He had only just started to walk then but now he is running and has developed so quickly I think I am finding it hard to pick up were I left off. I made it sound like he was like this all the time but he isnt he does behave sometimes which is the bit I dont get. It's like someone presses a switch and he goes into overdrive. Therefore some of the things people have said have struck a chord with me especially the citrus thing. He has a lot of tangerines too and it's made me think that when he has those and quavers and squash his behaviour definitely changes. So i am going to start giving him healthy food and we will all eat together at the table in his highchair ( i didnt have a table and chairs before lockdown) and a more structured day. We already spend a lot of time outdoors we go to the park to feed the ducks and run about with the ball. Play in the garden with water paddling pool etc. Go to the beach. And before lockdown we were going to a jungle Jim type place which he loved but they are all still closed. I am going to get him a trampoline because i think he will love it and we are going to make a playhouse together out of cardboard boxes. I feel much more confident now and today has gone really well as I have followed your advice throughout the day.
However I must admit that some of you are so judgemental and downright rude. How dare you accuse me of wanting to sit on my ass and watch tv and not engage with my grandson. Also the lady who says I care more about my carpet than my grandson how ridiculous I dont care if he throws it up the walls and on the floor. I just want to know why and how to stop him. Because he does understand when told not to do something he just chooses not to. To the lady who said I should let him trash the place because hes a little boy! Ok I will send him to you Mary Poppins you obviously have a magical way with children. I would love to see you deal with him throwing things at the tv screen. Throwing his chair at it. Throwing a standard lamp. He is so strong he can pick up a dyson small ball and throw it. Or am I supposed to clear the room of everything he can move including his toys. You dont know anything about me and have not got the right to put people down or make them feel inferior this is a forum were people come for advice and support not to be judged and ridiculed or barraged with venomus claptrap.

I’d give him back, even babies can be gently taught boundaries. I couldn’t handle him, thank goodness my DD had a little girl now aged 3 1/2, going on 17, she really is adorable..

Lots of good ideas to chew over. I wonder how the child behaves at home or wherever else he spends time?

I hope you can work something out.

Nothing more to add except that in my experience my daughter and granddaughter were far harder work than either my son or my grandson!

Cher69 when you say you 'babysit' your grandson I'm wondering how often you look after him and for how long? With your own health problems it must be challenging: I know that I had far more stamina for looking after my first two grandsons (11 years ago) than I do the latest two toddlers. That said, he sounds like a boisterous little boy with lots of energy that needs channelling. I think for that reason, a playpen simply won't work. I disagree with the idea of the naughty step: he is FAR too young to understand the concept. I agree that any food given should be in a high chair with the floor protected, and ideally at the same time as you are eating. The minute he starts to pour drink on the floor, remove the cup with a simple firm 'no'. Quavers crushed on the carpet? Maybe consider no snacks between meals. He is much more likely to eat if he is allowed to be hungry. Offer tiny amounts of nutritious finger foods and let him choose what he wants to eat. As soon as he starts to 'sweep' food off the highchair, it's likely to be a clear sign that he has finished. Outdoor play needs to be an important part of his day. I do hope you can find a way to feel better about this

Willow73
Reins. Simple

It sounds so familiar. I used to enjoy taking my 2 grandsons out for a walk when they started to get bored, but now the pushchair has been pushed aside and they refuse to go in it. They run and run and won't come back even for their parents so how can I take them out for a walk?
I don't know how to have a lovely time with them anymore its just taxing, tiring and frustrating. HELP.

I’ve heard many parents/gparents say boys are harder work than little girls. I wonder if there’s any truth in it.

When my granddaughter was 12-15 months old she would sit in the middle of the floor with a bundle of picture books and spend an hour unaided working her way through them.

Fast forward 2 years and her baby brother at that age would take the bundle of books and stack them up to stand on them to stretch to something that was out of reach!

My son is the same age and does a lot of the things you’ve described. It comes with this age! And probably a boy thing. My friends with daughters say they aren’t nearly this active or destructive.

First, don’t let him have an open cup. We only use sippy cups. My son likes the kind with the straw. CamelBack kids straw cups are great!

My son throws his food also. Get a dog ? they’re great at cleaning the mess. All joking aside, that’s normal. Does he at least eat some of it? Mine can be a little picky but eats what I serve him usually. But I started that young.

Baby proofing will really help you. Once my first floor was totally “safe” I felt a lot less on edge and anxious knowing he couldn’t really destroy much. I shut all of the doors to the bedrooms, baby gated the stairs, locked the kitchen cabinets. I don’t have any knick knacks around. But occasionally he will push the dining room chairs around the house. That’s fine. He also does run everywhere and sometimes falls and gets hurt- that’s life for a toddler though!

My youngest grandson was a bit like this

We used to go for a walk. For hours. I would pound the pavements. He'd be quiet in his pushchair.

I would point things out to him and that worked a treat

Rain or shine I'd be out

Of course if you're not as mobile it can be much harder

I know that not everyone wants to spend 4 hours walking round the area

He also used to like MTV. I know. Bit odd but he liked the music and would dance

No naughty step! Dreadful idea.

And, as many have said, he's growing all the time and before you know it he'll be 11 and wanting to play Fortnite with you!

Good luck!

Oh my, he sounds like a very normal 15 month old. As he is so young you are wasting your time trying to tell him how you want him to behave. If you are looking after him he needs to be your only distraction. No TV for you, no cleaning until he has gone and ENGAGE ENGAGE ENGAGE that is how you look after a toddler. And as for shouting and a naughty step, if they worked we wouldn’t still have to be doing it when they are 5 now would we. If you agree to babysit then babysit is what you should do, don’t give him the chance to destroy things, he is bored and just 1 day a week eating rubbish is ok, but ask his parents what they want you to give him to eat, it is up to them at the end of the day, and if they want him to have rubbish then so be it. Don’t cause him distress over food for goodness sake it really isn’t worth it, if he won’t eat what he is supposed to then he goes without for that meal, he won’t starve and will soon eat what you put in front of him if he realises he is getting nothing else. Ditch the juice and give him water that won’t matter if he tops it in the floor, if he does that in purpose, take it away say, “we don’t need to do that Johnny” and tip it down the sink until snack time when he gets another cup of water.

I look after my 19 month old grandson once a week in his own home and it can get very tiring!
We always go out for a daily walk in the buggy and recently I've been letting him walk on the footpaths/grass areas when safe to do so.
He loves putting things in and out of boxes, opening and closing doors so I save empty boxes for him. We build towers, try to do simple jigsaws and play with bowls of water in the garden when sunny. He also drops his cup on the floor when finished and gets told No but it's early days yet.
Some of the suggestions here are more suitable for older toddlers; I can't see us doing cooking or cutting out yet!

He loved rhyme time at the local Library pre Covid so we sing some songs and try to do the actions. Same songs that his mother learnt!

Hope the parents are on the same page as you and hope it gets better as he gets older.

Sounds a fairly typical 15 month old to me. And also bored!! I think you need a clear idea of what is going to be out for him to play with each week.

Start with an item, play with him, create a fun thing out of whatever you are doing. Then a busier running around activity ….eg. lots of plastic/ping pong balls in one box; another box across room; throwing each ball to get in other box. Do it with him. Show him. let him sit in the box of balls etc etc

Then a sit down ..jigsaw maybe, simple pick up wooden ones, large ones etc

Then TV for 15-20 mins while you have a rest ..cartoons that will catch his eye

Then a walk maybe ...has het got one of those small sit on riders that he can push himself along on. Ok in a garden, round the house of on a pavement with you next to him on outside so no danger with road ...and so on.

...So ...He needs a planned day

And a high chair is important, plus only given small items of food at a time. Make it a rule that food/drink is in high chair ...and put a plastic cloth underneath to catch any mess. If he crumbles up Quavers just say all gone! he will understand the consequence pretty quick but you will probably have to put up with some crying. Give him a cuddle, say "All gone" again...and distract with something else. Reintroduce the Quavers an hour or so later

Overall, only you can decide the routine that YOU want to have and then you have to create it. Children feel safe with routines. Good luck

I think others have covered just about everything that could be useful (I used to do the ironing inside the playpen - back when I did ironing, of course! ). I’m wondering, though, whether it might be easier for you to look after your GS in his own home? He’d be on familiar territory and your own house wouldn’t be bearing the brunt of the mess.

Btw, I think it’s unfair for anyone to say you’re prioritising your carpet over your GS. Carpets may be something people have saved long and hard for and it’s understandable that they should be looked after.

Definitely strap him in a high chair to eat.
Find some things it would be safe for him to throw, eg bean bags. Some children just "have" to throw at this age, it's not being naughty.
Get him outdoors as much as weather permits. Blow bubbles for him to chase.
Take him to soft play when and if they reopen.
Small children often act up if they think your attention is elsewhere so for the two days you have him, try not to worry about doing any of your chores. They'll wait.

Another option would be if you could look after him at his own house? Presumably it'll be more child-friendly than yours and he might not get so over-excited in his familiar surroundings.
They are hard work at this age for sure. Good luck.

Baby, he was quite a few things beginning with "b" but never a bay.

Peardrop50 My son hated the playpen as a bay, I used to put his 3 year sister in it instead, so she could get some peace from him!

I have a new grandson due in October, it is a big surprise especially to the parents who were becoming used to the idea that mum couldn't have children. They went to IVF as a last resort expecting to then get on with their lives having done all they could!! Anyway he will be here in a few weeks and I have said I will help with childcare at the end of 2021 so mum can go back to work. I will be 70 at that point. But I have firmly said all along I can only have him for a maximum of 3 to 4 hours and this thread has reminded me why! My hands and knees would just not cope with the constantly picking up of a toddler and cleaning up after them all day. It would be far too much for me and I consider myself fairly fit apart from the arthritis.

Everyone is different health wise and you know your own limits so you need to ensure you are not taking on too much. Totally agree food and drink only in a high chair or maybe a play pen with a plastic mat. Definitely disagree with the idea that you are valuing your carpet over the child, no 15 month old needs to throw food and drink, he may want to but he can learn not to. My other GS knew about 18 months the difference between the kitchen and the living room because we have a big 6 ft gap between the two rooms, no door or gate is possible so he had to learn for his own safety. He would stand on the boundary without an issue and not try and come in because we had drilled it into him. So now is the time to teach him what you will accept. Try and persist with building towers of blocks, looking at books, or even TV together so he gets used to the idea of Nana being for nice quiet times. I think some children do not react well with constant moving between environments, such as his home to your home, and different care givers. He is after all at the prime age for separation anxiety and he may start to settle once he feels more secure. Constancy of routines and rules will actually help that development.

Finally as I say I have laid down the amount of time I can have the new baby. If the parents want to work, which I totally understand, then we need to arrange a morning nursery so I can pick him up and then have him all afternoon. I am far more likely then to enjoy his company and give him all my energy.

It may be sexist to say it but I think boys mostly just need to be outside running around. I had two daughters myself and then my first two grandchildren were girls too and they would sit indoors and draw and play with toys nicely for hours. My first grandson, now 2 years old, is a different kettle of fish altogether. He only has to touch things which have been in the family for generations and they get broken (not on purpose).

I keep him in the garden as much as possible and he eats out there too so crumbs can be left on the floor for the birds. He has sand and water, stuff to build with, small world toys, drawing materials and big ride on cars and I have a summerhouse with a toy kitchen/ dolls and cots etc. in there so he can occupy himself for ages wandering from one thing of his choice to another quite freely.

I don't buy things like Quavers or squash-the colourings in those sort of things are probably helping to make him hyper-so my grandchildren eat what they are given or go hungry. Luckily, my grandson will eat anything. I let him help me water the plants and pick the tomatoes etc. so giving some responsibility is a good thing...under supervision, of course. He picked peas I'd grown the other day and pulled a face when he put a raw one in his mouth for the first time, so I ate one and said, 'Yum, yum', 'and then he copied. Going to the park regularly is good way to burn off steam and they have just reopened and toddler groups when they start up again will give you a break from one on one.

If he sees you are exasperated with his behaviour, he will wind you up even more. What could be more fun!!!! I don't put up with badly behaved children, I'm afraid, but I do recognise they need a certain amount of freedom, lots of praise and a variety of activities to keep them busy and have fun while learning about the world. I kept all my own toys (I was an only child) and all my own children's toys too so my house and garden is like being let loose in Toys R Us!!

My youngest son was affected by e numbers in food, there was one time I gave him some tangerine segments on the way to a Dr appointment and in the waiting room he was out of control and practically climbing the walls. The Dr saw this and told me citrus can be as bad as any artificial colours. Check the quavers packet and stick to water and rich tea biscuits, he loved to 'help' me hoover or sweep and also to empty a special cupboard or play with cardboard boxes, especially ones he could sit in with lots of cushions.