How can I acknowledge all my eldest grandson has achieved without making his younger brother feel left out?

I have a golden rule that whatever I do for one GC, I do for the other. I've seen, first hand, the damage that's done when one GC is favoured and another is not. It backfired spectacularly on the GM. Don't go there Mamma66.

My nephew's grandmother wrote him a "becoming a teenager" letter talking about him, his personality, memories she had etc and saying that she would always treasure their relationship and the memories. She said that she knew he would be growing and learning and going out into the world and independence as he grew up and that she knew he had special things to offer as he did so.

She will do the same for his sister this year as she becomes 13.

She told his sister that she was special too and that when she was 13 like her brother and a teenager she would get that special card too

All is fine and they make a lovely family!

kittylester

You mustn't.

It seems from your post that the eldest is your favourite and you must never let the younger one know that.

Presumably they have both done the best they can at this time in their lives. Reward that.

This. 100%.

I wouldn't reward anything except a specific achievement Mamma66 both boys should have acknowledgement when deserved as Hithere said.
When my children and grandchildren were young I did give gifts/rewards to one or the other on the understanding that sometimes we are fortunate other times not so. I think its unnecessary to give gifts all round just because one child is given one.

I don’t see how you can do this without causing problems. You mention his 10 yr old brother is currently going through a “slightly tricky” phase. You might run the risk of making it even trickier if he senses you are showing favouritism to his brother.

Tricky one .... My oldest grandson (18) is the sweetest, kindest boy, I know. Yesterday. he came over to help me retrieve my iPad which had slipped right under my bed. His sister (16) is a sweet girl, but lazy, prefers to be curled up in bed. However, I do not overpraise my grandson in front of her.

You mustn't.

It seems from your post that the eldest is your favourite and you must never let the younger one know that.

Presumably they have both done the best they can at this time in their lives. Reward that.

Do what my MiL did. Ignore all other GCs. For her, just the eldest child counted; the fact that they were boys was a bonus!
I’m joking. I don’t have an answer.

Is this an objective or subjective achievement, as I think it depends on what the praise is for and how you do it. If you are giving verbal praise for something only the elder boy has achieved, then you could do it when the elder boy is alone with you. Its never a good idea for any grandparent to single out one child for praise or reward one in front of the other(s) without praising/rewarding the other (s) for some aspect of their behaviour. It also sounds like that you need to work on the relationship with the younger one if he is not to feel left out. Children are all different but most will spot any favouritism. My mother-in-law always showed a noticeable preference for my elder daughter and my younger daughter ( who did have a tendancy to be naughtier than the elder) always noticed it and used to say to me 'why doesn't Nanny like me?' when she was about 5 years old. That used to upset me! So please take care.

Well you can't really can you.

You say life's not easy for both boys and they both have challenges - I don't understand why you want to acknowledge the achievement of one and not the other. The 'tricky' one is obviously struggling a bit with these challenges, and is two years younger.

We treat both of our GCs the same, one gets a treat the other gets something as well, maybe buy something special for the eldest and something smaller for the younger one.

You can’t ............unless it a particular thing, like an exam
You can encourage and praise both boys when they do something great but you can’t pick one out for having a lovely personality unless you find a similar thing for the other to be encouraged by otherwise you will be using favouritism

Even in your brief write up it comes across that you prefer the elder child be very careful they don’t see that

How is your relationship with the youngest?

I am sure that if both kids receive acknowledgments from you when it is deserved, it is not a problem to congratulate just one of them.