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Grandparenting

Worried about Granddaughter

(32 Posts)
oodles Fri 09-Oct-20 10:33:36

Wasn't that the reasoning behind parents not being able to visit children in hospital back in the day because the children were upset after seeing the parents so it was thought that if they didn't see them often they would be upset less. When it was realised that actually the children were upset all the time but it was most visible after their parents had visited, this changed and children felt less abandoned when they saw their parents more often, so were happier [although obviouisly not happy about being in hospital]
I'd personally worry that this was only masking the symptoms of your granddaughter's upset about not being home, and whether she will worry that you don't want to see her. Especially in this difficult time when everything is different and she may be upset about many things. But what to do. Well it's only facetime that has been stopped, and no one has said no letters so why not letters and a few little bits for both children you can send photos and let them know how you are thinking about them and how difficult it is here with coronavirus, and what is happening here with schools and how different halloween is going to be this year and what will be happening in your town instead. Obviously no promises that you'll see them again cos you don't know when, but stuff that she can look at later on and keep in her drawer and take out and look at at any time. Don't expect anything back, or put any pressure on her to get in contact with you. You could maybe put some little things in like stickers. Try and put pretty commemorative stamps on the letter,
Maybe send postcards too. She will be upset even with no facetime, and most children love getting something in the post.

Whatdayisit Fri 09-Oct-20 10:13:03

That is really sad. My grandma kept letters that i had written to her when they visited Australia for 3 months in 1980 which felt like a lifetime apart for me then aged 8.
I can't understand why letters wouldnt be ok. So sad. I wouldn't go against your son's wishes. It seems quite harsh do you think they are maybe planning to stay longer now and are not ready to announce it yet.

MissAdventure Thu 08-Oct-20 17:16:41

I can understand why no contact might be the best idea for a little while.
I would leave it, because it sounds as if they have a plan in place.

Smileless2012 Thu 08-Oct-20 17:12:41

Wont no contact with you just make it harder for your GD Grannythree? IMO it will. I think AGAA's advice is excellent.

Sending letters I would have thought was a good idea; I wonder why your son and d.i.l. haven't come back to you on that suggestion.

AGAA4 Thu 08-Oct-20 17:08:55

Grannythreewhat a sad situation. It sounds as though your GD is getting upset after facetime when you have suddenly gone and no hugs.
I know you have to respect the wishes of your son and DiL but I am not sure whether no contact with you is a good thing for her.
Are you able to contact your son and discuss how you can keep contact that wont cause more upset? I know you have asked if you can send letters and they haven't responded but are you able to talk to him and find out what is happening with your GD.

MissAdventure Thu 08-Oct-20 17:08:26

I think the only idea really is to stay out of contact until you're told otherwise.
It must be difficult, though.

Grannythree Thu 08-Oct-20 16:45:45

My DS and his family moved to America 2 years ago for a 4 year contract. I have visited twice but it’s a year since I last saw them. We have had regular contact via FaceTime and sometimes one to on chats with my eldest GD who is 7. Recently my DS has chatted when only the younger GD who is 4 is around. He texted me today to say the eldest GD is struggling with life and missing family in the UK. They want to keep her away from FaceTime for a while. While I respect their decisions regarding their children I don’t knoW how i can help. I’ve suggested I write to her or send her little parcels, which I have done in the past but my DS and DiL haven’t responded. If my GD is missing us i don’t see how removing contact with us will help but I won’t contact her without my DS approval. Any ideas?