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Worried about step granddaughter

(5 Posts)
Anniezee Thu 15-Oct-20 15:02:59

My step grandaughter started secondary school a last month. She is a studious child, a bit bookish but confident and loved her junior school. We hear that she now doesn't want to go to school and her mother has kept her at home for a few days. When we asked what the problem was, her mother was very evasive, said she didn't know, the child wouldn't say but reluctantly offered that the school had been advised of the issue - no more information was forthcoming. A few days later we asked how the child was and were told that she had received some healing from a friend and was "feeling lighter". We are worried that there is a problem that isn't being properly addressed. The mother has a history of using quack therapies some of which have done more harm than good in the past. Of course some alternative therapies are useful but any would be unlikely to cure whatever is bothering the child. My step grandson had a terrible skin flare up on his face, his mother took him to her favourite naturopath who gave him cream which made the problem far worse. The skin condition continued to get worse for weeks on end but his mother wouldn't be persuaded try anything else, such is her faith in the naturopath. My step grandson is a young teenager and his looks are important to him as well as the skin being painful.
So I did some investigation and bought some cream for him to use which cleared it up quickly and when it ran out, he asked me directly if he could have some more because he was worried that his mother wouldn't buy it for him. My stepdaughter has lived all her life in a somewhat odd village (which shall remain nameless) well known for the bohemian lifestyles of its inhabitants and their alternative ways of doing things, which she follows. My step daughter had some problems in her teenage years caused by the behaviour of some very unsavoury characters around her. We think she is attempting to give her own children the 'clean' childhood which she lacked and this is her way of doing it. We are worried about the children.

midgey Thu 15-Oct-20 15:21:24

I don’t think you should enquire too deeply about the child’s problem at school. Secondary school can be a very horrible place for some children especially if there might be anything in the slightest “different” about them or their family. Just keep in touch with the poor girl, don’t mention school at all.

Tweedle24 Thu 15-Oct-20 15:56:52

I hate to say this because you are obviously worried but, really, it is not your problem. The school is involved so she is being looked after. Best to stay out of it but, as midgey says, keep in touch with her. If she wants you to know what has been going on, she will tell you.

Namsnanny Thu 15-Oct-20 18:37:26

How did your step daughter react to you giving her son some cream for his skin?

Is she happy for you (and your husband who I presume is her Father?) to talk over her children's problems?

You may find just keeping in touch as much as possible is easier all round.
Your step Gdaughter is 11years old and may talk openly to her Mum and yourselves about this in time.
Then you will be able to understand a bit better what to do.

Lolo81 Fri 16-Oct-20 05:39:26

It sounds to me as if the mother is trying to respect her daughters right to privacy regarding a personal issue hence the evasiveness. Regardless of your thoughts on quack therapy, your SD is the parent here and unless you have serious concerns over the welfare of the children and their safety it’s up to her to parent as she sees fit.

My advice would be to remain open and non judgemental when communicating with the grandchildren directly so they know you are someone they can come to with any issues for help and support.