Speak up or shut up!

Granjenny - you say that your GD "brought it up on a couple of occasions" and then that "she keeps mentioning it". So you need to be clear in your head whether this is something that's been mentioned just twice and some time ago, or an ongoing would-be topic of conversation. Either way, the event has bothered her and she's trying to make sense of it.

If it's repeated several times then it may be that your GD is looking for forgiveness and it would be important for her to know that she has this otherwise it will become a 'thing' and your relationship will take a dive.

I would ask what she's thinking about the row if/when she mentions it again, and reach a mutual understanding about what upset you both, and then emphasise that it's forgotten.

You are the best judge of why, and how, your granddaughter is asking the question. I think you said she was on her best behaviour following the row, and you weren't seeing too much of her, so she may be testing the water to see where she stands with you.
If she asks you directly, I would simply say 'yes I do' in as noncommittal a tone as possible and wait for her response. I get the impression you think she is pushing the boundaries to test you and mummy won't intervene, but she may be looking to get back in your good graces and hoping it is all over.
You were upset by her rudeness and hopefully she is beginning to realise the consequences.

youtu.be/4HFhJ5FP_LY

I’d just say “No”, or not hear the question (selective hearing isn’t just the prerogative of the young!)
If your daughter is quick to dismiss it, that’s progress.
Hope things stay peaceful.

BlueBelle/Lucca,you are spot on.

Aepgirl

It’s best not to react to this rude and I’ll-disciplined child. She sounds thoroughly spoilt to me, and will probably never change.

That’s quite nasty about a child.

Goodness

Let it go! We have a saying in my family ‘never argue about arguments’.

Don't bring up how hurt you were, with your granddaughter.
She probably felt horrified that a big argument was the result of her silly comments.

I'm afraid I'd be inclined to fix her with a steady look, smile sweetly and say "Well I may do, but I think that's my business and nothing to do with you." She's playing power games with you and your DD.

This little girl is testing boundaries and she is practicing emotional manipulation setting one adult against another. Don't let her see you are still upset, or she will continue in this line of behaviour. She is a child. Don't react to her as if she was an adult. As others have advised, move past it and do not engage in any conversation about the incident, or it will only encourage her. I would almost be inclined to say, "No, I don't remember that. Now, let's go and (make those mince pies etc.)

It turned into an almighty family row

As she is mentioning the row, rather than her comments, perhaps that is what's bothering her - the big argument between adults.

Thinking of my own DGD, if that happened I'd say something like "Yes, we did all get a bit upset that day. Is it bothering you?".

I think she's worried about the rowing part of it as she isn't sure what the result of it has been, for the adults.

It'd be an idea to talk to your daughter about it, in any case.
If you are both skirting around it, and it hasn't been resolved in any way, I expect your DGD is picking up on that.

Can't you just say, "that's all in the past now. You're a nice polite girl now aren't you?" Certainly don't open it all up again, and don't descend to the child's level.

Let sleeping dogs lie. Your GD clearly cannot 'let it go' and though you want to respond then to keep the peace all it needs from yourself is 'that's water under the bridge'
I would imagine you are very close to your DD.Have you ever given thought to the fact GD may resent the closeness that exists between yourself and her mother ?? This would not be unusual but have a word with DD and take it from there.

If she's like one of my GD's she watches all those awful America teenage shows where the children are really obnoxious ,rude and entitled.
I have sat and watched the odd one with her and we share how bad these young teens behave and the way they speak to adults .
Sadly a lot of tweens watch them without any adults around and think its OK to behave like that.Children often take more notice of their peer group than their family .its not new .If she tries to speak with an American accent or dots her speech with american words...my GD always calls nappies Diapers for instance thats where its coming from

I have witnessed this kind of behaviour with relatives. A child of eight is very adept at repeating something they have heard. It’s your daughter you need to speak too. If her daughter is allowed to answer back now God knows what kind of teenager she will be. You don’t have to be argumentative but firm. Maybe when things get back to normal don’t be as easily available or as generous as you may have been in the past. It’s difficult to stand your ground with loved ones but sometimes it pays off.

BlacSheep46 - nailed it

In my view, life is about truth about oneself and others and, in offering only open questions to your grand daughter, you would help her in the way of what truth is about. If her mother is not built like that, at least you would wake up a healthier approach to life for this child who is soon becoming an adolescent - when life does become really complex. Help her.

If she mentions it again say something like - 'Yes I remember that, but we were silly weren't we'.

I think I would err on the side of caution, and apply the ‘ least said soonest mended approach’. Your granddaughter is still very young, and if your daughter could get some discipline in order, this time next year, she may be totally different. As toad, said, it’s not a good time to embark on what could be major discussions.

I totally agree with you 25Avalon,I think this little girl was trying to emulate something she had seen on TV or heard,
as others have said.

If she mentions it again I would say yes I remember as I was very upset, but I love you so much I think we should forget about it unless you want to explain what had caused you to
say what you said, if she wants too then listen but make no judgment,
it seems to me as she is bringing it so much and as others have said it may have been bothering her during
the lockdowns when she hasn’t had other things ie school etc to occupy her mind.
That would be my way if any of my 9 grandchildren had said anything like that to me.
but mainly make sure you tell you will always love her and give her a cuddle.
I really hope everything turns out well for you both

Yes but I still love you.

Things have to be dealt with at the time of happening then return to 'normal', Otherwise the molehill becomes a mountain!! Yes, I know it's the wrong way round!

If the subject comes up again I think I would say I was upset at the time but that we are friends again now. With a phrase like "mind your own business" I almost wonder if she heard someone say it (mum?) and rather liked the sound of it and tried it out on you. I have found children can be quite fascinated by the sound of words and phrases whilst having no idea of the exact meanings! You can take comfort from the fact that she certainly knows she upset you otherwise she wouldn't keep raising it. I suppose there is a slight possibility she enjoyed the row but I do hope not.

I don't think it would do any harm to let her know that you were hurt by what she said by the way she spoke to you , by gently pointing out that it made you very sad and so you don't want to talk about it any more.

Would say Yes I do then ask GD if it made her feel good speaking to you as she did and who else she speaks to like that. Her response will give you a huge insight to your GDs view of you and her total lack of respect, would also say your DDs too! You can choose your friends but not your relations as the saying goes.