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Grandparenting

Speak up or shut up!

(86 Posts)
Grannynannywanny Sat 28-Nov-20 22:56:43

I vote for moving on and leave it in the past. Wipe the slate clean and start again. It’s been an utterly s* year for children as well as adults. There’s enough to be worrying about currently without raking over the coals from months ago.

ElaineI Sat 28-Nov-20 22:38:12

I think I would just say "We've moved past that now" and talk about something else.

Lolo81 Sat 28-Nov-20 22:30:58

To quote the child’s words back to her seems a bit confrontational to me, and I certainly would advise against doing this unprompted (as in you broaching the subject).
If the child brings it up again then maybe say something, but I’d be more inclined to focus on how the child felt at the time and what had upset her - that way she’s exploring her feelings independently, it might make for a productive conversation.

Lucca Sat 28-Nov-20 22:26:30

“Be the bigger person” ?

BlueBelle Sat 28-Nov-20 22:24:11

Oh gosh I d leave it why rake up something that’s long passed

V3ra Sat 28-Nov-20 21:05:06

You could say something along the lines of,
"Yes, you were rude to me weren't you, and that's not nice is it, we don't be rude to people do we?"
You're acknowledging what she did, and that it was wrong, but keeping her onside.
I use this strategy with my minded children and it's very effective.
When she (hopefully!) agrees with you, then say,
"But we're friends now, aren't we?"
And leave it at that ?

Namsnanny Sat 28-Nov-20 19:44:54

Dont encourage a conversation but dont ignore her either.

Say something child centred like 'You seem to want to talk about it, but I don't like arguments so I'm not going to'.
Then start another conversation based on something you know she likes. Distraction after confrontation.

She definitely knows what she is doing, but it's unclear why she is drawing attention to it.

I think there is a power struggle going on with her and someone in authority, and she is taking it out on you.
I could well be barking up the wrong tree, if so feel free to ignore!

phoenix Sat 28-Nov-20 19:43:12

Hmm, tricky, possibly say "So what do you remember about that, and what do you think about it now?"

Might give her chance to realise how bad her attitude was, and how her behaviour towards you was unacceptable.

B9exchange Sat 28-Nov-20 19:38:49

I would let your daughter deal with it and refuse to give her any satisfaction by reacting.

MissAdventure Sat 28-Nov-20 19:35:42

I would just say "No, I'm choosing not to".
Then I would choose not to.

Granjenny Sat 28-Nov-20 19:31:46

Months ago I posted on here as my 8 year old grand daughter was rude to me, telling me to mind my own business and a few weeks later saying “what’s it got to do with you” when I asked her a question. It turned into an almighty family row as my daughter never disciplined her behaviour. Anyway it smoothed over as time past and because of social distancing we have not spent much time with my family. On a couple of occasions my grand daughter has brought up the row saying do you remember the fight and to her mother , was it last time I stayed over at GM did we have that row.? My daughter is quick to dismiss it quickly without getting into another discussion but I’m tempted to say to my grand daughter do you remember when you told me to mind my own business when I asked you a question......, so I guess it’s a vote to you all, would You speak up or shut up and just let it go??.