Speak up or shut up!

Having seen the cause of the family row, it clearly isn't:
today’s grandchildren who are so different to previous generations and in fact when our own children were youngsters.
It is the parents' attitude to their children's behaviour which is different, and sad to say, they seem prepared to avoid confrontation with their daughter at all costs, the direct consequence being her poor behaviour towards you.

Thanks everyone for your input! I guess we are all learning how to handle today’s grandchildren who are so different to previous generations and in fact when our own children were youngsters. Today they are far more grown up and advanced !

So either she thought you were "not allowed" to ask what she was having to eat or she was worried that when you found out when the food was served you wouldn't approve of her choices.

I agree with others that it's unwise to revive the subject but the next time you think she is being rude to you I think you should point out that she has been rude and say why.

We were sat in a restaurant and I asked her what she was having for lunch!!!!

My answer depends on what you asked her that evoked such a response. Was it a mundane question, such as what did you have for lunch? Or was it personal, and therefore the child appropriately stood up for herself and let you know that it was none of your business? And how did a rude comment from a child turn into a row with the family?

I don't see how talking about it can do anything except lead to another row. Both Granjenny and her DD have set ideas about this. I do think the girl should have had to apologise. Children shouldn't be allowed to be rude to anyone.

.......I also think her mother should have told her not to be rude to granny. But she's only a child. She needs reassured that everyone is ok.

I think the little girl hasn't got over the row yet. She needs to talk about it.

Leave it.let bygones be bygones. If she brings it up again I woul just say. Not this again I thought we'd got over that . Then say but if its still worrying you, let's talk about it.

Totally agree with blacksheep46 - she is looking to clear the air with you

on this occasion, i agree with hetty above.

So many people on here taking nasty, judgemental attitudes - to an 8-yr old child.

I always told my children that I loved them very much - but sometimes I didn't like their behaviour.

I'd always forgive them quickly, though, as obviously, being children, they were still learning.

So, I'd let it go completely, unless she brought it up.

In that case, I'd just say 'Don't worry, it's all forgiven. You're only eight, so still learning.'

Each family has it's own rules (maybe strict or very relaxed) but it's a big mistake to expect others to have your rules.

This is a thoroughly depressing thread to read about a young child. I wish I hadn’t read it.

It could be a powerplay. It could also be that as a child she's trying to but in on an adult conversation as she wants attention. Her mother should put her in her place but sounds like she won't. If she brings it up again in her mother's presence just ignore it. If you were alone with her then I'd say something to her.

So much disdain for a small child who likely wants to talk it out with her gran.

I’d talk to her and see how she is feeling. Be honest that you were hurt at her rudeness. Work together to figure out communication going forward.

I think all the advice to ignore her and brush her off is actually dangerous as it leads to rug sweeping later in life.

I think I'd try and move the discussion on. Just say something to your GD like "yes, I remember but we're friends again now and that's what matters".

Your daughter probably feels embarrassed and that's why she seems dismissive.

She's baiting you. She may only be eight but I think she enjoyed a sense of power from the 'big family argument' that resulted from her bad behaviour and will do it again, given the chance. If she was worried about your feelings she would apologise, she's not, she's sounding you out, probably considers you a soft target. Either put her down straight away and say "Yes, I rememer it. It's not a happy memory, and I hope you have learned how wrong it is to be rude to other people, especially your grandparents." End of conversation. OR "That's in the past now, lets move on and not speak of it again." Then change the subject completely. Speak to your DD and ask her what your GD has said about the incident since then. If the child has shown no remorse for her behaviour then she will more than likely do it again.

If the subject is brought up, ask her if she would like to talk about it and how she feels about it now. I wouldn’t say we’ve moved on as she might feel dismissed. There is a book called non-violent communication which may prove useful.

I remember the post about your Granddaughter and her rude behaviour towards you and that your Daughter was not correcting her for it. I hope your Granddaughter has been ok with you since the family row...you should not have to put up with that behaviour from a young child and your daughter should correct her. If your Granddaughter is still bringing the subject up of the row..I would probably say to her next time " Is it bothering you? Then listen to what she has to say and take it from there...you will then know how to deal with it x

OR......maybe she's recently realised that Christmas is just around the corner ?

It turned into an almighty family row ????????
this child does wield some power in a household, made me think of what my own daughters when they were children used to mumble when stomping up the stairs after a nagging or telling off or even " your hair looks nice" or" could you run over to the shop ". Its never turned into a family row, my grandsons do the same mumbling whilst stomping off or refusing to even talk to me. So my "rude" girls grew up, one a schoolteacher, one a London black cabbie, one works with the probation services. All with teenage children now, do we have family rows? Never, do I remember every rude comment ? NO. life's too short and I'm too
busy.

I do agree with blacksheep. I think she might be worrying about what happened and what she said. Best to take that view anyway and reassure her that you love her.

I suggest that you say that, because you love her, you will draw a curtain over the incident as you know she usually such a lovely granddaughter and tyou think you would both rather go forward without it hanging over your relationship.

If your DGD keeps mentioning it, then she obviously wants or needs to discuss it, so it certainly shouldn't be ignored or brushed away. If you do, then she may feel that she can never talk to you about anything that is on her mind. So do talk to her about it, but in a very gentle and loving away. Ask her what she remembers about it, why she thinks it happened etc. If appropriate and it seems right, then tell her that at the time it hurt and was upsetting but that you absolutely love her and that you know that sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to. Whatever you do, down be or sound angry or resentful. It should be talked about simply because she wants to. Then it can be put to bed.